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Feel like no one likes me at times.
#1
Why do I feel like people don't like me?

Rang my mum today, she just doesn't seem to be interested in anything I say. I try ringing one of my closest friends and he doesn't answer the phone. This has been going on for months, years even.

It's my mates birthday this weekend, we used to go for a meal every year till 4 years ago now he doesn't really want to do anything with me any more. I know it's my disability that is causing the issue as they places he likes to eat have stairs and aren't disabled friendly. We don't go to cinema due to the same problem. So when times are like this he disappears and when he is about makes excuses why he can't do anything.

I'm getting bored of waiting for others to do things with me.

I tried to arrange a family meal for my birthday, no one seemed interested even though it was my 30th. They said they didn't do anything for their 30th so they didn't seem the point to do anything with me. Lovely attude indeed.

Starting to feel like no one wants anything do with me.
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#2
artyboy Wrote:Why do I feel like people don't like me?

Rang my mum today, she just doesn't seem to be interested in anything I say. I try ringing one of my closest friends and he doesn't answer the phone. This has been going on for months, years even.

It's my mates birthday this weekend, we used to go for a meal every year till 4 years ago now he doesn't really want to do anything with me any more. I know it's my disability that is causing the issue as they places he likes to eat have stairs and aren't disabled friendly. We don't go to cinema due to the same problem. So when times are like this he disappears and when he is about makes excuses why he can't do anything.

I'm getting bored of waiting for others to do things with me.

I tried to arrange a family meal for my birthday, no one seemed interested even though it was my 30th. They said they didn't do anything for their 30th so they didn't seem the point to do anything with me. Lovely attude indeed.

Starting to feel like no one wants anything do with me.

For me it is kind of the other way around: The older I get, the less I want to have anything to do with other people. I've always been a bit of a hermit but I've become increasingly so the older I've gotten. Once in a great while I find myself feeling lonely, but it is rare.

So far as whether or not people like you... I wouldn't know. I can "like" someone well enough and STILL not want to spend much time with them. Point being, has nothing to do with them, and everything to do with me.

in your case, I wonder what it is you're putting into this pot? My experience is, people *want* to be around you so long as they feel they're getting something out of it for themselves. If they don't -- if they feel it is 'costing' them in some way? Not so much.

But I confess, my whole perception of all this "lets pretend like we like one another" business is rather distorted.
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#3
[MENTION=18789]artyboy[/MENTION] Well sounds a lot like me and I wonder if you're doing the same thing. I try to set up things with people at the spur of the moment, which usually doesn't bode too well. Sometimes planning ahead doesn't work. The thing I find is that a lot of people stay busy all the time so I am finding it harder and harder to spend time with others, they have families, business to deal with, etc. I can't speak for your exact situation but it may very well be that your friends are often just busy and not necessarily trying to avoid you.

What I don't get is why your friend would have to eat a place that has stairs? I don't see why there can't be any room for compromise. Now here in the US, we have the ADA, it is the law that someone be able to enter a building in a wheelchair, there must be a ramp, must be at least a certain length and there must be handicaped parking available. It is there so that people who have disabilities can enjoy the same things everyone else can enjoy.

Not sure how that goes in the UK. But I only know of a couple places that have stairs around here. One shitty bar in Helen, GA (A small German-like town, but mostly it's a tourist trap from hell lol) and one nice place called Shoebootie's Cafe that has a small bar upstairs....but here it's not that common. So surely not every nice place your friend likes to eat at has stairs... That sounds like a lame lame excuse and if there were the case I probably wouldn't categorize him as a friend. However, I am hoping that is not the case and there is some explanation, not saying you should call them on it that might not go over so well.

As far as calling people, not sure but seems that no one likes to talk on the phone these days, seems texting, facebook, etc are the best means to communicate with anyone under 40...and that might be pushing things... Older folks, like my parents for instance will always prefer phone calls as they can't seem to get text messaging down (they do have a flip phone so I can see why..... 22 6 77 11 44 555 0 11 444....eh fuck it)

I don't know about you but if I had a good friend who happened to have a disability I certainly wouldn't be making excuses not to hang out and spend time with them, but that's just me and I don't foree myself treating someone that way in that sort of predicament.
Chickity China, the Chinese chicken
You have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin'


[Image: 848398.png]
#4
I think your feelings are understandable. It's good you're not feeling sorry for yourself.

Sounds like you're going to have to take even more initiative. Find a cinema that is accessible to you. Suggest some restaurants that are good and accessible to you. Find some new friends that want to hang with you. Go out on your own if you can, or bring your caregiver with you. All you can do is live your life as best you can, regardless of others.
#5
[MENTION=18789]artyboy[/MENTION] just to add to what [MENTION=20941]Camfer[/MENTION] said, it is perfectly fine to be the instigator. In fact in many cases I see less of my friends simply because I don't ask if they want to hang out or not.... A lot of times it doesn't work in my favor but sometimes it does. Nothing wrong with trying, just don't get in a slump if someone says no or doesn't return a phone call...people are weird too.

At any rate, you have nothing to be ashamed of and while I can't say I know much about your disability other than what I glanced googling, certainly no reason not to be a good friend.

If only I could afford a plane ticket to the UK! Seems to be a lot of decent folks on here who happen to live in the UK....
Chickity China, the Chinese chicken
You have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin'


[Image: 848398.png]
#6
Boaxy Wrote:I assume you already thought of going to a disability support group and didn't care for it since you didn't mention it.

I don't know if it's because you're gay as well is why you don't want to go or aren't interested.

I'm sorry. I know the feeling. My family pretty much disowned me and I have no close friends offline. I'm hoping that I can crash a coworkers thanksgiving party at his families house but if I'm not allowed to go I'll just spend it by myself again.

There isn't any sort of support group for people who have physical disabilities in my area sadly. Even if there was I find them depressing.
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#7
axle2152 Wrote:[MENTION=18789]artyboy[/MENTION] just to add to what [MENTION=20941]Camfer[/MENTION] said, it is perfectly fine to be the instigator. In fact in many cases I see less of my friends simply because I don't ask if they want to hang out or not.... A lot of times it doesn't work in my favor but sometimes it does. Nothing wrong with trying, just don't get in a slump if someone says no or doesn't return a phone call...people are weird too.

At any rate, you have nothing to be ashamed of and while I can't say I know much about your disability other than what I glanced googling, certainly no reason not to be a good friend.

If only I could afford a plane ticket to the UK! Seems to be a lot of decent folks on here who happen to live in the UK....

I think my close friend is scared of seeing me getting worse with my condition plus he has AS so he finds things like this hard like it is.

axle if your ever in this part of the world my spare bed is always free for you mate lol..
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#8
It sounds like it's not so much that people don't like you, as it is that they're not willing to accommodate your disability. And that says a hell of a lot more about them than it does about you.

It seems to me that people in general are becoming more and more self absorbed. And everyone is trying to cram 32 hours worth of whatever into 24. A while back, I was on crutches for a few weeks, and it got so I didn't want to go out of the house because people would literally shove me aside and trample me to get where they were going. I've seen this happen to elderly or disabled people at the mall, too.

I want to say, Don't take it personally, but I know that doesn't help at all. I guess just try to maintain your perspective. I can see a lot of things to like about you, you come across as intelligent, interesting, funny, sensitive and caring. It's sad that people miss out on all of that because they can't slow down for 5 freaking minutes and learn to adjust and compromise.
"That's just the way it is
Some things will never change
That's just the way it is
Ah, but don't you believe them..."
~~~~~~~~Bruce Hornsby,, "That's Just The Way It Is"
#9
artyboy Wrote:I think my close friend is scared of seeing me getting worse with my condition plus he has AS so he finds things like this hard like it is.

axle if your ever in this part of the world my spare bed is always free for you mate lol..

lol Well thanks. If I do make it to the UK I will rent a Reliant Robin and we will go joy riding around Tongue
Chickity China, the Chinese chicken
You have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin'


[Image: 848398.png]
#10
Gemini Wrote:It sounds like it's not so much that people don't like you, as it is that they're not willing to accommodate your disability. And that says a hell of a lot more about them than it does about you.

It seems to me that people in general are becoming more and more self absorbed. And everyone is trying to cram 32 hours worth of whatever into 24. A while back, I was on crutches for a few weeks, and it got so I didn't want to go out of the house because people would literally shove me aside and trample me to get where they were going. I've seen this happen to elderly or disabled people at the mall, too.

I want to say, Don't take it personally, but I know that doesn't help at all. I guess just try to maintain your perspective. I can see a lot of things to like about you, you come across as intelligent, interesting, funny, sensitive and caring. It's sad that people miss out on all of that because they can't slow down for 5 freaking minutes and learn to adjust and compromise.

The fuck is wrong with people these days? It is weird people in the south often do seem backwards at times but you seldom ever see that sort of behavior here. I mean I know there are a lot of good people but to think that people would shove a guy down who's on crutches is fucking enraging as hell...

Anyway, I was thinking the similar as well but I didn't want to default to that, thinking surely that's not the case as I do experience that as well but... I suppose people suck just about everywhere...
Chickity China, the Chinese chicken
You have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin'


[Image: 848398.png]


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