So far we have raised 15% of our monthly running costs! Thanks for your generosity!

Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
I'm 22 First relationship ever....
#1
So I'm 22 years old and I'm in my first relationship ever.
It's going on two years with him, but now I'm starting to have thoughts.

I don't know where to start actually, I mean I love this guy to death but I'm feeling my drive/love is dying down. The guy I'm in a relationship with, by far, would be anyone's perfect match. He cares, he listens, he's proud, he wants to be around you, he always has ideas, he surprises you when you least expect it, he makes you feel special, I can go on. But you know everyone has their little quirks that irritate one and another. I won't further expand because there is no need.

Lately though I don't feel much. I mean some days I wish he was here holding me and I could be around him, but other days I want my space. And the thing is I'm picky about my space. He's calling me because he wants to talk; and I'm trying to get off because I'm not in the mood to talk to him and I frankly don't like talking on the phone to begin with. Here I am trying to shoo off the conversation.

We have gotten into the stage of talking about the future, about moving in, about children and stuff like that. But now I'm doubting it all. I should mention that he is 6 years older than I am. And he already has a handle on his finances where as I'm still trying to figure out how to make car payments. I don't know if this is moving too fast or because I want something else. I'm 22 years old, this is my first relationship ever. I've never had anyone hit on me in high school. It wasn't till later in college I started to actually get over my fear and venture out. Before I could venture out far I met him and well, we've been together since. I just feel like I want a break.
No...I know what I want. I want to hook up with other people just to see what it's like. But at the same time I'm afraid I'll lose him forever, what if I never see him again or we never talk, I would like to be friends with him but would it even work? I'm so freaking horrible.

I don't know how to tell him. While he is all those amazing things I mentioned above he is also attached as well and sometimes when I say I don't want to see him or my space he gets all defensive and a little hurt (understandable). He's texting me now saying, "How's it going cutie. Smile" I'm here...typing.

Some advice would be nice. I just don't know how to bring it up to him or is this just a phase. I do love him and earlier I could see a future with him, now I just see confusion.
#2
You need to be sitting down with him and talking about what you are telling us and working out solutions and compromises together. Perhaps you need your own space every once in a while.

Having said that, it is perfectly normal to feel confused and because you have not got finacial stability the thoughts of the future are over-whelming you, but like I said, talk to him, he will more than likely understand where you are at because he more than likely was in the same place in life that you are at now.
#3
I know...I just don't want to hurt him. Ugh this is going to be hard.
#4
1. Love has phases, love changes over time.

There is no such thing as happily-ever-after. Love is a lot of hard work, and the more time you spend with a person the more work you invest into the relationship.

Google 'Stages of Love' - I want for you to do the legwork here and read up on the subject that way you can get a lot of different perspectives on how love changes and you can figure out where you are.

2. The telephone is the second worst communication device to use when you are discussing real issues. The very worst is the Text message.

Once you have studied up a little on 'stages of love' you two need to have a sit down heart to heart discussion about what you learned and then discuss new rules and boundaries.

You hate talking on the phone - fine, he needs to know that. Find a compromise where he can call you whenever and you will endeavor to spend phone time with him. But this doesn't mean he calls you all the time, or every minute- find the middle ground to meet both of your needs.

I think you should just start with these two. The whole Stages of Love thing is something you both need to study up on now - like right now and talk through it and how it is applying to your current situation.

I suspect if you both study the subject you will find out the other steps towards making your relationship work. So I'm not going to give more hints than that.
<---<< >>--->

[SIZE=4]I told you I had the body of a 25 year old....

[Image: 57929.jpg?v=1]
[/SIZE]
#5
Hello,
I would recommend maybe trying to identify why you are feeling the way you are... I will tell you something if you can find the love for him stick with it because he sounds a really nice guy and the next one could be a beater towards you leaving you in the lurch with various things... The way things are now you both got something special and if you want some space tell him dont be scared because your his partner not his possession and the whole find a piece of trade isnt that good either... You know nothing about the person your dipping ya wick with and afterwards you hjave had it they leave and become another statistic in your life about something you may not want to talk with people

Kindest regards

Aunty Zeon xx
#6
Gthb Wrote:... It's going on two years with him ... Lately though I don't feel much ...
it is natural being in a relationship for 2 years (a long time) that you dont feel the same way as you just met him. tell him the relationship is getting ho hum and how can your guys move forward. it really takes just a little.

Gthb Wrote:... perfect match. He cares, he listens, he's proud, he wants to be around you, he always has ideas, he surprises you when you least expect it, he makes you feel special, I can go on.
everyone instantaneously jealous! I hope you are the same way as he is, makes you feel special... etc, if not no big. corrective action is necessary tho, who's to say this relationship stuff is not a lot of work because you need to emulate the way you describe him .

Gthb Wrote:... I just feel like I want a break.
dont do that. Both of you might look into gay men/s couples training. start in expensive and try a group training thing. this might give you a jump on life that if you cant use here certainty later in life. a little money spent here goes a log way. Who says 2 boys are equipped to handle a relationship, its not genetically programmed into you guys.

Gthb Wrote:... While he is all those amazing things I mentioned above he is also attached as well and sometimes when I say I don't want to see him or my space he gets all defensive and a little hurt (understandable).
i really think personal time is over rated. If you really want to do something; go do it and he will either stay out of your way of join you. You are afraid of what he might say? If you feel like jacking off pull dwn your pants and do it with him watching. the same with anything really.

it what you say is true, go for it dont be lazy. relationships are a lot of work.
#7
Bowyn Aerrow Wrote:1. Love has phases, love changes over time.

There is no such thing as happily-ever-after. Love is a lot of hard work, and the more time you spend with a person the more work you invest into the relationship.

Google 'Stages of Love' - I want for you to do the legwork here and read up on the subject that way you can get a lot of different perspectives on how love changes and you can figure out where you are.

2. The telephone is the second worst communication device to use when you are discussing real issues. The very worst is the Text message.

Once you have studied up a little on 'stages of love' you two need to have a sit down heart to heart discussion about what you learned and then discuss new rules and boundaries.

You hate talking on the phone - fine, he needs to know that. Find a compromise where he can call you whenever and you will endeavor to spend phone time with him. But this doesn't mean he calls you all the time, or every minute- find the middle ground to meet both of your needs.

I think you should just start with these two. The whole Stages of Love thing is something you both need to study up on now - like right now and talk through it and how it is applying to your current situation.

I suspect if you both study the subject you will find out the other steps towards making your relationship work. So I'm not going to give more hints than that.

Basically I agree with all of that and I think you either need to talk to him about how you are feeling because he may be feeling insecure or he might have other relationship issues that you need to know about or you need to take a break. You can't go on the way you are feeling now. Sounds like the honeymoon is over and welcome to the real world of life, love and all that! Love is like a business. You harder you work or the more attentive you are to it, the more you get out of it.............Butterfly


Possibly Related Threads…
Thread Author Replies Views Last Post
  What is Most Important To You in a Relationship? InbetweenDreams 11 611 10-06-2020, 10:38 PM
Last Post: CarGuy65
  Good Relationship Advice for Gays kindy64 1 312 08-16-2020, 02:31 PM
Last Post: InbetweenDreams
  Wanting to move on from a long term relationship but unable to Mikeoz 12 890 06-15-2017, 02:25 PM
Last Post: Mikeoz
  Relationship in tatters oldsoul 0 145 05-10-2017, 11:57 AM
Last Post: oldsoul
  Relationship issues Josuepek 1 875 04-23-2017, 05:56 PM
Last Post: princealbertofb

Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)