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I need help, my parents.
#1
Since I was forteen, almost three and a half years ago, I started thinking I liked boys. I didn't know my type at first, so I thought it was wrong, about a year into it, I thought oh, that's cute. etc etc.. So fast foward to 6-7 months ago, I had a dream, and I told my mom about it as we were in the car. Then I said how I was gay. She tried convincing me, maybe hoping it was just a phase I was going. But my feelings have been more prominent, it feels like work is the only place I can be myself. I get told every so often that "Men shouldn't do that.." bla bla bla. Just today my dad said "So Bill, I'm glad you have been acting normal, like the person I remember." It bothered me to death, I don't know what it was. I need help, I don't know what to do, My dad and brother are anti-gay it seems. Sometimes I just feel like saying "I'm gay, you can stop telling me I can't do that please. Thanks." My mom says when she's in a bad mood with me, "You treat strangers nicer than your own mother." It's sort of obvious when the people you work with don't care about who you are, and don't restrict you. Does anyone have any experience like this?
#2
That's pretty standard for traditional, fundamental type families. You can't change them or force them to accept you being gay, they have to do that themselves, on their own.

All you can do is be yourself and wait for them to come to terms with you, if they ever do.

They may not but, they may when they see that being gay has not ruined you happiness and, you are creating a good life for yourself.

I know it isn't easy, and you want their acceptance, but for now maybe you can find that acceptance in friends or even other relatives and, let your immediate family come to it in their own time, if at all.
#3
Sweetie at your age , you might want to hold off on the coming out party.
You can not support yourself financially and if things go bad , it can turn into a nightmare.

There is no rush , you will still be gay after you finish your education and are out on your own.
Bighug

We are all here for you .
#4
I agree, at your age you have ample time to make that final decision. You also have ample time to get your life together, as you're only one year away from entering the real world. In today's society "homosexuality" is a very HOT topic, with all the debates over equality, medical benefits, adoptions etc.. Most families rather not hear anymore about this topic, let alone hear one of their kids say "hey i am or might be gay/bi". Sometimes holding back on the "coming out party" is a great thing, once you get settled into college (if you plan to attend) you'll be able to be yourself, find gay friends, and so on. Once you feel like you're really ready to tell your family you'll know. I would like to say that your family is going to accept you for who you are, but juding by your post thats not going to happen. Either way you have a bigger family that will, and thats the LGBT community. As for all the negative comments and or innuendos that your family makes, well they only make you a stronger, goal driven, life oriented person. There is only one person that can really tell you the truth, and thats you. Good luck, and welcome to the family.
#5
Billyandi Wrote:... My mom says when she's in a bad mood with me, "You treat strangers nicer than your own mother."
I dont know the physic reasoning behind it but all teenagers treat strangers better than their parents. If you do this your normal on this issue.
but you could say; "I would treat you better if you were more accepting, i am the same person before i came out and am not able to become straight just for you mom."

Billyandi Wrote:Since I was fourteen, almost three and a half years ago, I started thinking I liked boys. .. I told my mom about it as we were in the car. Then I said how I was gay.
good for you, i think the best place to discuss emotional family issues is while driving. You have been dealing with your sexual preference all your life, cant expect your mother to be all knowing. goto the local LGBT center in near your town and get your mother some reading material. Over all parents might likely come around, give it some time.

Billyandi Wrote:... it feels like work is the only place I can be myself. I get told every so often that "Men shouldn't do that.." bla bla bla. Just today my dad said ...
tell your mother it is a sexual preference and your still the same person; you can have a successful husband, family and yes career. tell them you are more accepted at work and its for the good job you do. Tell them they should not climb into your bed and who ever you sex it is not their business so long as its a loving lasting relationship. Tell them it will be impossible for you to marry a girl and if you do it will end in divorce. Being gay is not what it used to be in their day back when. You wold like them to meet all your boy friends and husband but only if they are constructive supportive.

Billyandi Wrote:... Does anyone have any experience like this?
i was a parent in a straight relationship.


Good luck, generally easier to start with your mother, get her some reading material. Look at what the local LGBT center in your area has to offer. Do they do counseling for your parent(s).
#6
What would bother me about either of my parents saying something to the effect of "I liked you better in the closet" would be the inferred rejection on their part. You haven't changed, but their perception of you has, which is sad. Parents shouldn't change how they love their children. This doesn't mean you have to change how you feel about them, though. Give them plenty of time and chances.
#7
Hey bill, I think it is awesome that you are able to accept yourself at such an early age. I know every body is telling you not to be in a rush to be out, I do agree with them, because parents can do some very unkind things to their children for not living up to their expectations, what it really comes down to is that.

I told my folks and they seem to make every effort to call people faggots in my presence, I really think they are trying to shame the gay out of me, perhaps this is what your dad is doing.

Add for " acting gay" you should act like bill, who ever bill is. If that means you do the sweet voice, act fabulous, or what ever, express three person that is deep in you, the person you are. Also if that means just being an average guy that is what it means. Never subdue yourself because people don't like you. Normally the ones that Cal you dirty names are angry with themselves because they cannot be the person they truly are. Either fear of ostracism or ridicule. A lot of people seem to get annoyed by this notion of "acting gay" aside from making out with another person of your own gender you are not "acting gay".


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