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Need Advice, Life long issues
#1
Let me start out by saying that as a kid, I never had any homosexual urges or thoughts, I knew I was only attracted to girls and had multiple crushes.
But something really strange happened to me in 7th grade, I met a friend of my older sister. He was a real prankster apparently, joked around about
gay stuff all the time, but as a 7th grader I had no idea. When I talked to him he would say very weird sexual things to me, how he would have sex with me and such.
I was completely freaked out afterwards and told my older sister and brother about it, who simply responded laughing because they knew he was joking, But I didn't.
So later on the simple fact that I thought I was going to be raped or something made me notice many more gay situations in tv shows and cartoons. It previously wouldn't
bother me at all, but after meeting my sister's friend, I couldn't stop thinking about it. Another thing that occured during the same time was that I had a friend
who was verbally and sometimes physically abusive to me. He would sometimes hit me for doing something wrong or yell at me about something dumb that happened.
I now know fighting back would have been the most rational thing to do, but I had such low self esteem at that time in my life that I just went with it.
It was then that I began having sick sexual fantasies about having sex with my friend, which freaked me out but aroused me at the same time. All and all I had a
pretty paranoid and sick mind back then. Eventually I began experimenting with my own body that gay people probably do as well, I actually began having erotic feelings towards
same sex relations, although I've never had emotional feelings over same gender relationships, for some reason I am turned on by the sexual part of it.
Now today I'm out of high school, and over the past few years I've never really thought about it. I've had a few girlfriends throughout high school so I know I'm not
gay, but I'm curious whether I have bisexual tendencies.

Just recently I began having all those weird fantasies again, and have begun chatting with a man online about having sexual favors in the future. The scary thing is that
I might want to meet up with this man and perform these actions, when before I would simply leave it to my imagination until it died down. Now my emotions/hormones are
going insane about doing this and I have no idea whether I should do this or not. I also feel like if I end up doing this that I'll take this memory to the grave, forever
repressing it, and nothing good can come out of that.

The odd thing is I can crave all these sexual feelings one random night,but the next day and so on I'll be back to a heterosexual male. What do you guys think of my situation?
Did I "become" bisexual? Should I continue to chat with this man and engage in these sexual endeavors? This really is serious since I've
never told anyone that I have these feelings, and I'm not sure what to do about it.


Edit: Since posting this, I actually feel back to normal, whereas before I had been all hyped up by the erotic feelings. I feel like I'm a heterosexual with bisexual tendencies, but I don't think that makes sense lol.
#2
Ah! A straight curious ally! I like that! Welcome to GS!

I'll try to help ya out. It's very very possible that you may be bisexual. I cannot be the judge, that is up to you and you make the final conclusive decision on that. Since you had girlfriends in high school, chances are you're still heterosexual. However, just because you have some feelings for the same sex... maybe you're not bisexual. It was like that with my ex (I may be wrong, but I'm pretty sure), except he was gay and he thought that he was bisexual. Actually at first he came out as bi (originally should have came out gay, but he figured he'd get a better reception coming out as bi)... then he properly came out as gay. The weird part was that he told me that he was developing some feelings for girls, but he's still gay. Nowadays, he says he's completely straight. I don't know... if he was with me, had strong sexual feelings for me and loved me with all of his heart... I'd say he was gay and still is, but back in the closet.

Well anyway... I'm not really the best person to give this kinda advice... since I've only really been in the LGBT game since 2008. I knew I was gay as early as 13-14... but didn't come to terms with it until 2008. Well good luck finding out about that!
#3
it seems that you have a problem like "being ashamed" about being bisexual.... but it isn´t. I think you have only found a new sexual-side of your own.
At the moment I would wait... make some friends to talk to.... talk about your feelings, about yourself and explore what you want to do and who you are....
Don´t stop chat with this man ... but in time I think you are not open enough to meet him. Do it step by step ... and not all in one. Learn about yourself .. and then go further.. and maybe meet someone you like.
But don´t be ashamed about yourself ... here are many bisexual guys ... and they are proud to be bisexual because its their very own and a very normal way to be yourself.
And maybe your can learn from them how to be yourself....
Proud to be Gay & Pagan
)O(

[Image: pentagramm.gif]

31.10 Samhain, All Hallows Eve, Halloween
21.12 Yule
STOP eating Animals !
#4
Dear jojo,

What you have experienced is very normal for most gay/bi guy. People develop homosexuality not because of abusive friendship or making contact with gay guy. It just happens like a part of nature. I am a bisexual myself and I had relationship with girls in high school also. First, I just have some desires about having sex or erotic moments with guys. Then when I met the guy that I love, it turns into very strong desire of being loved and having long term relationship with him.

When I was in high school, I used to feel disgusting about myself every time, I masturbate with the imagine of a guy in my head. However, when my emotion and intellectual become more mature, I accept it and get over it.

About the guy who you chat with: whatever you will do with him, be safe.
#5
Thank you very much both of you for the advice. I agree Fenris that I have these tendencies to be ashamed about feeling this way, but I just feel very weird because of the circumstances. When I read others post, they talk about how they knew they were gay/bisexual from a young age, I feel like the environment turned me bi, not myself/ genetics. I had many issues when I was younger concerning sexual frustration and the like, but I straightened myself out a lot in high school.

Maybe I'm in a huge case of denial..
#6
jojo18 Wrote:Thank you very much both of you for the advice. I agree Fenris that I have these tendencies to be ashamed about feeling this way, but I just feel very weird because of the circumstances. When I read others post, they talk about how they knew they were gay/bisexual from a young age, I feel like the environment turned me bi, not myself/ genetics. I had many issues when I was younger concerning sexual frustration and the like, but I straightened myself out a lot in high school.

Maybe I'm in a huge case of denial..

Search for the reasons why you / we / I am gay... bisexual or maybe straight is mostly a waste of time... nobody knows... there a to many maybe´s in the explanations. It´s not important why we are like we are ... but it is important to life a happy, self-accepting live... to be sometimes a fair and honest man. Being gay... bi ... is not a mistake, its only a other way to live....
I would be pleased if we can see you many times here ... to talk... and to have fun. And if you have problems or you worry, you're always welcome here
Proud to be Gay & Pagan
)O(

[Image: pentagramm.gif]

31.10 Samhain, All Hallows Eve, Halloween
21.12 Yule
STOP eating Animals !
#7
I'm gonna say something very cautiously here, because you should watch out if you're meeting a random guy online; there's a thread here regarding safety and etiquette (check it out) BUT -

Go for it.

I sure as hell wished I'd just gotten on with it back when I was 16-18 instead of endlessly worrying about possibilities and consequences. Sometimes things feel right and you have to act on them in some way or they get repressed, and then you just change a big pile of curiosity for a big pile of regret. I want to say this in a very careful way because I don't know your circumstances, but truthfully the only way I found I could deal with my situation was in experimenting and getting physical.

You're also at an awesome age where, if you're brave, you can honestly do these things without too much reprisal. People expect young guys and girls to mess about and try stuff; don't worry too much about tags... to me 'being gay' is beyond just sex, it's being more happy with a guy than a girl, and loving them. One of my friends has done stuff with guys but would never call himself gay. Strange world.

So go for it, be cool, don't sweat it too much... but most of all, make sure he's not an asshole who just wants a piece.
#8
Yes Welcome to Gayspeak Jojo... the advice given seems good enough to take it. No labels, too early for that, and try not to regret anything you do. Do it for the sake of experimenting, you can decide afterwards that it's not for you, or, on the contrary, that it totally corresponds to what you need for your emotional and physical stability. You won't find out till you've tried; but again, play safe if you go with a man (or a new woman, for that matter). If we were just sexual beings, we wouldn't wonder so much about life, but we are also mental, intellectual, emotional and very complicated social beings, so it's not surprising to be confused. Welcome back here as much as is necessary to clarify your situation. Don't be afraid to ask questions and don't be afraid to answer some either; they might help us to understand where you are coming from, and maybe where you are heading... Take care.
#9
Hi and welcome to GS m8.

As usually on this forum you will get good advice from people who have the same or similar experience as you and will offer kind words of support.

You are not alone in being unsure, many have questioned these issues. One of the hardest thing to do is accepting who you are, everyone is different. Do try to understand you do not have to conform to other people's ideas of how you should lead your life, its yours to decide. Just enjoy life the way you want to and be safe on whatever path you follow.

Rychard
#10
Sil Wrote:I sure as hell wished I'd just gotten on with it back when I was 16-18 instead of endlessly worrying about possibilities and consequences.

Amen to that.
Fred

Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.


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