Need Advice, Life long issues
10-07-2010, 09:15 PM
Let me start out by saying that as a kid, I never had any homosexual urges or thoughts, I knew I was only attracted to girls and had multiple crushes.
But something really strange happened to me in 7th grade, I met a friend of my older sister. He was a real prankster apparently, joked around about
gay stuff all the time, but as a 7th grader I had no idea. When I talked to him he would say very weird sexual things to me, how he would have sex with me and such.
I was completely freaked out afterwards and told my older sister and brother about it, who simply responded laughing because they knew he was joking, But I didn't.
So later on the simple fact that I thought I was going to be raped or something made me notice many more gay situations in tv shows and cartoons. It previously wouldn't
bother me at all, but after meeting my sister's friend, I couldn't stop thinking about it. Another thing that occured during the same time was that I had a friend
who was verbally and sometimes physically abusive to me. He would sometimes hit me for doing something wrong or yell at me about something dumb that happened.
I now know fighting back would have been the most rational thing to do, but I had such low self esteem at that time in my life that I just went with it.
It was then that I began having sick sexual fantasies about having sex with my friend, which freaked me out but aroused me at the same time. All and all I had a
pretty paranoid and sick mind back then. Eventually I began experimenting with my own body that gay people probably do as well, I actually began having erotic feelings towards
same sex relations, although I've never had emotional feelings over same gender relationships, for some reason I am turned on by the sexual part of it.
Now today I'm out of high school, and over the past few years I've never really thought about it. I've had a few girlfriends throughout high school so I know I'm not
gay, but I'm curious whether I have bisexual tendencies.
Just recently I began having all those weird fantasies again, and have begun chatting with a man online about having sexual favors in the future. The scary thing is that
I might want to meet up with this man and perform these actions, when before I would simply leave it to my imagination until it died down. Now my emotions/hormones are
going insane about doing this and I have no idea whether I should do this or not. I also feel like if I end up doing this that I'll take this memory to the grave, forever
repressing it, and nothing good can come out of that.
The odd thing is I can crave all these sexual feelings one random night,but the next day and so on I'll be back to a heterosexual male. What do you guys think of my situation?
Did I "become" bisexual? Should I continue to chat with this man and engage in these sexual endeavors? This really is serious since I've
never told anyone that I have these feelings, and I'm not sure what to do about it.
Edit: Since posting this, I actually feel back to normal, whereas before I had been all hyped up by the erotic feelings. I feel like I'm a heterosexual with bisexual tendencies, but I don't think that makes sense lol.
But something really strange happened to me in 7th grade, I met a friend of my older sister. He was a real prankster apparently, joked around about
gay stuff all the time, but as a 7th grader I had no idea. When I talked to him he would say very weird sexual things to me, how he would have sex with me and such.
I was completely freaked out afterwards and told my older sister and brother about it, who simply responded laughing because they knew he was joking, But I didn't.
So later on the simple fact that I thought I was going to be raped or something made me notice many more gay situations in tv shows and cartoons. It previously wouldn't
bother me at all, but after meeting my sister's friend, I couldn't stop thinking about it. Another thing that occured during the same time was that I had a friend
who was verbally and sometimes physically abusive to me. He would sometimes hit me for doing something wrong or yell at me about something dumb that happened.
I now know fighting back would have been the most rational thing to do, but I had such low self esteem at that time in my life that I just went with it.
It was then that I began having sick sexual fantasies about having sex with my friend, which freaked me out but aroused me at the same time. All and all I had a
pretty paranoid and sick mind back then. Eventually I began experimenting with my own body that gay people probably do as well, I actually began having erotic feelings towards
same sex relations, although I've never had emotional feelings over same gender relationships, for some reason I am turned on by the sexual part of it.
Now today I'm out of high school, and over the past few years I've never really thought about it. I've had a few girlfriends throughout high school so I know I'm not
gay, but I'm curious whether I have bisexual tendencies.
Just recently I began having all those weird fantasies again, and have begun chatting with a man online about having sexual favors in the future. The scary thing is that
I might want to meet up with this man and perform these actions, when before I would simply leave it to my imagination until it died down. Now my emotions/hormones are
going insane about doing this and I have no idea whether I should do this or not. I also feel like if I end up doing this that I'll take this memory to the grave, forever
repressing it, and nothing good can come out of that.
The odd thing is I can crave all these sexual feelings one random night,but the next day and so on I'll be back to a heterosexual male. What do you guys think of my situation?
Did I "become" bisexual? Should I continue to chat with this man and engage in these sexual endeavors? This really is serious since I've
never told anyone that I have these feelings, and I'm not sure what to do about it.
Edit: Since posting this, I actually feel back to normal, whereas before I had been all hyped up by the erotic feelings. I feel like I'm a heterosexual with bisexual tendencies, but I don't think that makes sense lol.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
to Gayspeak Jojo... the advice given seems good enough to take it. No labels, too early for that, and try not to regret anything you do. Do it for the sake of experimenting, you can decide afterwards that it's not for you, or, on the contrary, that it totally corresponds to what you need for your emotional and physical stability. You won't find out till you've tried; but again, play safe if you go with a man (or a new woman, for that matter). If we were just sexual beings, we wouldn't wonder so much about life, but we are also mental, intellectual, emotional and very complicated social beings, so it's not surprising to be confused. Welcome back here as much as is necessary to clarify your situation. Don't be afraid to ask questions and don't be afraid to answer some either; they might help us to understand where you are coming from, and maybe where you are heading... Take care.
