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New here, Need some advice
#1
So Ive been in a committed 2 and a half year relationship. He is 36 I am 24. We live together and have just bought our first home together. So we're basically married.

We have been in our new home for nearly 2 months and we are literally bickering all the time. last night he told me that I dont care about our home and I dont act like I did in our previous rented properties -- The thing is I did not have a Job before we bought our home, so all there was to do was clean, cook, and make our home comfy. now that I am working I am so tired that the last thing I want to do when I get home is clean. I do however still cook dinner every night despite the fact that he arrives home before me and leaves for work after me. I know I might sound lazy as hell but my day literally starts @ 5:00am and I get home around 6:00pm, I drive over 100km to and from work and it really is tiring. I do understand however that a home needs to be kept neat and tidy and loved, but I am working too-- it needs to be a team effort.

I do take long to get into a routine and I do admit that I am not the tidiest of people, but Ive always been like this-- why is it such a issue all of a sudden? I do not fault him because its degrading and just plain ugly.

He does say hes stressed at work and needs a break and a little holiday, ( which we're leaving for this Friday), but I just think to myself is this how the rest of my life is going to be?? Fighting about nothing really... I love this man with all my heart but @ this moment in time I do not know what to do?

I know I could try and "participate" in house duties, which I am willing to do but something has to give from his side too?

Any thoughts guys? Twak
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#2
No.. it's not the rest of your life if you don't want it to be..

I read your post and was immediately able to understand your struggles...
Why is your hubby not getting this?

A new home is ALWAYS chaos initially.
Is it your job to clean and cook ALL the time?

If you got the "domestics" in order when you first moved.. your hubby could take the torch till you settled into work.

He gets home from work before you?... Why wouldn't he at least START dinner till you got home?

Ok ... enough back and fourth...

Make a list of responsibilities, chores etc...They must be divided...
If he cannot understand this.. there will be problems .

Appeasing temporary solutions...

On sunday ...do some bulk cooking that will last till Wednesday...eg.

1) A giant pot of rice.
2) 2-3 kinds of meat
3) A giant pot of pasta.
4) Giant bowl of veggies

^^^^^
Just an example...
Play along..

This cooking in bulk can be separated, re-heated and served throughout the week.

Then you should take turns doing chores and breakfast.

Just like you i'm confused .. you two are a team... it will ALWAYS be a relay..
Passing the batton back and fourth to keep the race going...

Gosh!!!

Did you marry Hitler?

Hugs...
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#3
I hear you in a sense. My SO refuses to help with cooking, saying he "doesn't know how". Um, I didn't know how either, that's why God invented cookbooks. It is a gripe that rears its ugly head periodically because he grouses when he gets home, dinner isn't started, and I'm still working. It is also a problem when one works at home, the partner who commutes thinks you wait for him to leave, open the bon-bons and turn on Oprah. Meanwhile I am lucky if I get time to eat lunch some days. We recently tried implementing the chore chart but the jury is out on how well it will work.
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#4
I was talking to an executive chef for a yacht yesterday.. he spends hundreds of hours watching YouTube videos to expand his knowledge...

I wouldn't let my tired husband (if I had one)
Come home to see me sitting on the couch and not have dinner ready.. or at least chineese Take out..
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#5
Anocxu Wrote:I was talking to an executive chef for a yacht yesterday.. he spends hundreds of hours watching YouTube videos to expand his knowledge...

I wouldn't let my tired husband (if I had one)
Come home to see me sitting on the couch and not have dinner ready.. or at least chineese Take out..

Can't tell you the last time I sat on the couch. And how am I any less tired?
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#6
You misunderstood my post..
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#7
Anocxu Wrote:You misunderstood my post..

Did I? I know you weren't calling me lazy; I was saying that (hypothetically, although I've said it directly) to him.

Youtube is a great way to learn. He and I have repaired our fridge, washing machine, furnace and snow-thrower all via watching videos.
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#8
My post was directed at the opening poster...
Not you..

You made references ... they were directed to the opening poster...

If they were for you ....
I WOULD HAVE QUOTED YOU.
clear?
Reply

#9
Anocxu Wrote:My post was directed at the opening poster...
Not you..

You made references ... they were directed to the opening poster...

If they were for you ....
I WOULD HAVE QUOTED YOU.
clear?

As crystal
Reply

#10
ShiftyNJ Wrote:As crystal
Shifty..
I have followed your posts ..
I understand the struggles you face...
The last thing i'd do is troll you...
Now....
Crystal is out in south florida...
The new wonder drug is
Flaca... bath salts X 10 [emoji1]

Come over here and eat my face...
Reply



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