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Orientation Schizophrenia
#1
I find myself thinking about having a real boyfriend. It's exciting, I'm in love, I'm happy, and we do everything together. He's my companion, best friend, etc. Then reality hits. I start to feel a little ashamed. I feel a little disappointed with myself for longing to be with I guy, whether it is sexual or relational. If I'm not ashamed then sometimes I think "that's not going to happen." Sometimes I struggle with the thought of being gay because of this. I feel like the opportunities for solid relationships are few and far between. I really struggle with this. I really have an attraction to guys. I like guys. They catch my eye everywhere I go. I would love to have a relationship or at the least have some cuddle time with a guy that I like. But then I get ashamed or start thinking that's it's just my imagination. I'm not sure what this is all about. I was pretty down about it this morning because I really wanted to be with someone, but don't see a way now. Thought I would vent for a minute. Has anyone gone through this at one point? How did you get over it? What happened? Many responses would be appreciated.
#2
I think we all went through that to some degree. Society trains us that being gay is not okay, it's shameful, wrong and/or sinful.

Now if you are attracted to guys and, when you imagine being 90 years old and cuddled on the porch swing, it's with a man, then you might be gay Smile

The hard part is convincing yourself that it's natural, normal and perfectly fine to be gay. No one can do that for you, we each have to learn to accept ourselves. That's easier for some than others.

Our dating pool might be smaller, but if it feels natural to you, there's no point in lying to yourself and being miserable when you could be out there meeting the right guy. You have to decide if you are gay or not and, find a way to accept your sexuality no matter what it is.
#3
Double007, I've been going through the same thing since high school. I managed to convince myself it WAS my imagination, or my inclination to be difficult (as my family loves to point out), or that maybe I was "just" bi (sorry, truly bi folks!). But look where it got me. More than a decade with the wrong person, and now two children who don't get to see their daddy more than a weekend or two a month. Granted, their dad has anger issues, but I can't help wondering if some of it was exacerbated by more than me being a sucky wife. Yeah, I have other issues that didn't help, such as ADD really bad and some health issues that make me a terrible housekeeper, but still...

My lesson is that whatever you feel, don't pretend yourself into loving someone you don't. If that means accepting your sexuality isn't what is the most convenient, then so be it...

This coming from me, who is at a super low point in her life. Sad
#4
Sixty-two thousand four hundred repetitions make one truth.
Brave new World (Good book)


And this is true, through repetition you have been programmed to believe a lot of things. Such as the notion that gay is bad. This programing is taught through the pulpit where the preacher man says 'You will burn in hell if you are gay!' - it is programed each time some guy snickers at yet one more 'fudge packer joke'. Every single time someone uses gay as a negative as in 'That car is soooo gay' or 'That movie was sooooo gay'... You are programmed to believe that gay is bad.

Society is bent to degrade LGBT people in many ways.

You need to identify this as programming and reprogram yourself to understand that you are ok regardless of your sexual orientation. You also might need to program yourself to acknowledge that you are more than just your sexuality.


Its ok to be gay - repeat 62,400 times - because sixty-two thousand four hundred repetitions make one truth.
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[SIZE=4]I told you I had the body of a 25 year old....

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#5
That's exactly what I went through as well before I came out. 21 years of it in fact! They say it only takes one week of doing the same thing over and over again to form a habit. And if, like me, you've been going through this since high school, you've had more than enough time to build a habit of beating yourself up every time you even look at a guy, whether it be just a mere casual glance or lustfully wanting to jump into bed with him.

You need to take some time, a good long look at yourself and figure out who you are and what you want out of life. That's not the easiest thing to do. Trust me! I'm having to do that very same thing right now even though I finally figured out that I am gay and I've accepted it. That's the only way you will ever find true peace in your life.

I agree with Bowyn on the fact that society dictates to all of us that being gay is wrong. And it's not just religious zealots that fuel these evil flames of hate and bigotry, though they are at the forefront of it. But that's not to say that religion and spirituality are inherently bad things. You just have to weed through all the bullshit to find the truth. And that is, you are a damn good person regardless of who you are attracted to or love.

But know this, you are surrounded by the greatest group of people on this forum. Most if not all of us know exactly what you are going through because we've all been there at some point or other in our lives NAND I hope you have a tremendous support structure of friends in your offline life as well. If not, reach out to your friends that support you and can be there for you, whether they are gay, straight, male, female, or whatever. And for those who can't except you for who you are I say SCREW THEM!! Because in the end, you are the one who matters and you have to be happy and comfortable with who you are.

Best of luck my friend!! Bighug
#6
I think it's okay and normal to dream or fantasise about what our ideal life would or should be. I think it's normal and healthy. I often do it. I don't think there is anything wrong with you doing that at all but it can be a slap in the face when we have a reality check. Plus there is nothing wrong with your imagination.......don't feel ashamed about it either.
Just wait and that right person will come along............it will happen just hang in there.
#7
Double007 Wrote:... I really have an attraction to guys. I like guys. They catch my eye everywhere I go. I would love to have a relationship or at the least have some cuddle time with a guy that I like. But then I get ashamed or start thinking that's it's just my imagination. ...
submit ( dont be ashamed ) your GAY.
#8
Side note... Whenever I was in sports, I tried telling myself I liked the other girls' boobs because I was jealous ('cuz of my flat then, small now) chest. Ha! It's the little things, like checking out people on the street, that should make you smile, not frown. Smile
#9
Hello,
I often tell people to never seek love because if you seek it it wont show just enjoy your single life and see where it goes.. I have felt like this and admit i do question where i went wrong in my relationships however on the other card i will say when ur with someone u long to be single and when ur single u long to be in a relationship so u cant always win lol xx
#10
Thanks for the responses and great feedback, all of you. Today was much better. I hear what each and everyone of you have said and it truly makes since. Like I said I need to vent a little and hear some truths and encouraging words.


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