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Relationship (and sex) with a transman
#1
I hope I can get an honest opinion here. I hear that the gay community and transgendered community tend to despise each other due to their different understanding of sexual orientation and gender identity.

If you meet a good-hearted, attractive, manly man, do you think you can pursue a relationship with him provided that he is completely honest to you about his genetic sex from the very beginning?

I know that many men can get over the fact that their potential partners used to be women, but what about after that? Do you think you can get laid with your man knowing that he physically doesn't have what biological men do?
#2
Hello Pisceskhminh, and welcome...
Are you talking about a person who has a relationship with a female to male transgendered person? Someone who's had an operation already or someone who hasn't???

Is the presence of another penis required by you or not?

To be honest, I think intimacy would still be possible, but like couples where one of the partners (or both) have had some surgery or have some parts removed or missing from the start. It doesn't mean that intimacy won't be achieved... it all depends on what sort of intimacy you are looking for. If you love your partner, and they love you, you'll find a way to make it work and a way that is pleasurable for both of you. Talk and trust, and a little curiosity about the other partner's body is what is required here.
#3
It's not something that can be generalized really. Some gay men date trans men. Honesty from the beginning is probably a good policy, whether it alienates some people or not, because it's got to come out sometime and it's best done early.
When a subject is highly controversial — and any question about sex is that — one cannot hope to tell the truth. One can only show how one came to hold whatever opinion one does hold. One can only give one's audience the chance of drawing their own conclusions as they observe the limitations, the prejudices, the idiosyncrasies of the speaker.
- Virginia Woolf
#4
pisceskhminh Wrote:I hope I can get an honest opinion here. I hear that the gay community and transgendered community tend to despise each other due to their different understanding of sexual orientation and gender identity.

If you meet a good-hearted, attractive, manly man, do you think you can pursue a relationship with him provided that he is completely honest to you about his genetic sex from the very beginning?

I know that many men can get over the fact that their potential partners used to be women, but what about after that? Do you think you can get laid with your man knowing that he physically doesn't have what biological men do?

Well, I'm not sure what you mean by "don't have what biological men do"? There is Phalloplasty, though they cannot make a fully functional penis.

I'm also not sure what you mean by "different understanding of sexual orientation and gender identity"? They really do not seem to conflict at all. One is attracted to men or one is attracted to women or one is attracted to both. One feel that they are essentially a man, one feels one is essentially a woman, or one feels that they are essentially intersex. What one understands their sex to be really does not seem to effect what sex they are attracted to.

Anyway, to answer your question, I have never had a problem maintaining a friendship with a transsexual person. I have found some of my transsexual (f to m) friends attractive. So, if I ever had occasion to date a trans man, I would probably date him. Certainly, there would be things to consider and to work through, but I don't see any reason why there should be a permanent or insurmountable issue with dating a gay or bisexual trans man.
#5
I'd have a much easier time dating a transsexual woman than I would a man, simply because if I were to date a man, I'd want him to have a penis. Unfortunately for us, medical science hasn't yet progressed to the point where it's possible to make a working penis for a woman who wishes to become a man, but it's pretty easy to make a convincing vagina for a man who wishes to become a woman.

But personality wise, it might make me reconsider.
#6
It all depends on the two individuals involved and what it is they each expect/desire/need from a relationship.

For some reason the two F to M peeps I know personally want to enter into a gay relationship with another man...as a man. I do not know if that is common or not?
#7
princealbertofb Wrote:Hello Pisceskhminh, and welcome...
Are you talking about a person who has a relationship with a female to male transgendered person? Someone who's had an operation already or someone who hasn't???

Thank you very much for your answer. Sorry for being ambiguous.
I'm talking about post-surgery FTM person. What I mean is that the man is physically a male with the exception of the penis.

In terms of operation, what if the man doesn't want the bottom surgery. I mean surely the technology is not advanced enough to create a convincing penis in FTM, but lots of them still pursue it because they feel like it's better than nothing.

One typical example would be Buck Angel. I know this is a bad example because he works in the porn industry. The point is he is proud of keeping his "temporarily-called" vagina.

I'm quite sure there are many decent FTM men out there who are like what I describe in the original post. Do you think it's going to be an issue when it comes to intimacy?

To me, when I first knew that I was only attracted to guys, the image of the penis was not in my mind. When I grew up and learned about anatomy of both sexes, I still didn't think much about the penis. I know for sure that no matter how masculine a woman presents or even impersonates, I will never be attracted to her simply because I can't see or feel the manness (if that is the word) in her. But that is just me. I don't know what other men think.

What do you think?
#8
totally valid, pursue happiness no matter what is ok, if doesn't work at first check the reasons if can be fixed fix, if not say good bye and get together as friends and to do whatever you please
#9
I'm not aware of any animosity between the Gay community and the trans community, I actually thought they came together...hence GLBT.

I also think that you can't truely understand transgender unless you are a transgender, but that shouldn't be a barrier to stop you learning and empathising.

As far as relationships go, the heart wants what the heart wants, and gender identity should be no barrier to love.
#10
I agree with dfiant.....i've been in out for a long time, lived in MA, CT, IN, VA, NJ, NY and now FL and i've not seen or heard any anger, animosity or fissures between gay and trans folks. If anything, tran's folks lend alot of crediblity to the "orientation is a genetic" position.


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