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So deeply confused
#1
I need some advice. I have no idea who to ask, I have no lgbt friends aside from here. From my first boy crush at about eleven I crushed only on boys but never felt quiet right about it. The first time I ever saw a woman sexually until I was around twenty five. It was as if my prayers had been answered, sort of. I admit I desperately tried to pray the gay away. For me there was nothing worse, no offense, but my own mind roasted in my guilt. I still don't feel quiet right about it. I wonder if I am really gay but saying I am bi so my dream doesn't have to die. My dream to have the same type of family I always dreamed of. Or am I just afraid of people finding out about me. I want to experience sex and love the idea of marriage it's so distant it might as well not exist. I just don't know how to go about it.

Please any advise will help.
#2
I haven't posted here for months and as soon as I do I find something worthy of my time!

Hank, this is just one of these things that will work its self out in time. You can apply any lable you wish, gay, bi, curous, whatever but it's just a temporary fix.

Why not simply live your life for you? If you're not hurting your self or anyone else what's the problem? So you don't want people to find out about you... sorry but that's going to happen - one day. My advice, get comfortable in your own skin and do the coming out thing. It's always one small step for gay-kind but a giant leap for the individual concerned.

You'll get a lot more responses to your post in the next few hours/days with a lot of great perspectives. That's the great thing about this place, someone will always say something that the last person hasn't thought of.

Good luck, and I hope it all works out for you!
#3
Finding the right man is as hard as finding the right woman...so essentially you are looking for the right 'person'

With the right person you have laid the foundations of a family.

Hank, forget labels and stop trying to put square pegs in round holes. follow your heart and everything else will fall into place mate.

You have 28 years of mindset to over come before you can love yourself, that doesn't happen over night. Until you get yourself to that point, it is hard for anyone else to love you and you to love anyone else.

You should perhaps find a social group in your GLBT community and see if you can find someone you can identify with, you know, like friends Wink
#4
Vigilias Wrote:I haven't posted here for months and as soon as I do I find something worthy of my time!

Hank, this is just one of these things that will work its self out in time. You can apply any lable you wish, gay, bi, curous, whatever but it's just a temporary fix.

Why not simply live your life for you? If you're not hurting your self or anyone else what's the problem? So you don't want people to find out about you... sorry but that's going to happen - one day. My advice, get comfortable in your own skin and do the coming out thing. It's always one small step for gay-kind but a giant leap for the individual concerned.

You'll get a lot more responses to your post in the next few hours/days with a lot of great perspectives. That's the great thing about this place, someone will always say something that the last person hasn't thought of.

Good luck, and I hope it all works out for you!
I have come out to all of my friends, but not my family, I worry about that.
#5
marriage is just a pice of paper. you can still have a family and all of it. With a man or a woman. I'm sure a lot of us have tried to pray the gay away. I tried it buh it didn't work very well. even had a girlfriend but it just didn't feel right.
#6
Believe in God?

If so then you may be just going to the wrong Church.

List of Gay Affirming Churches: http://www.gaychurch.org/find_a_church/f...church.htm Its an interaction type thing where you can narrow you search parameters by nation, state, region whatever.

You know there are 6 verses used to condemn and persecute gays. There are other interpretations of those verses and in many cases those verses are taken out of context and are not condemnation of gay, love filled relationships, but are condemning other things like temple prostitution - where sex was used to worship other gods (Such as Molech Worship - which Leviticus is talking about).

http://www.google.com/#hl=en&output=sear...97&bih=859 There are a lot of sites that discuss this other interpretations and also give a better understanding of the history and cultures of the ancient times.

While the words are Homosexual, Bisexual, Heterosexual they are not emphasized as homoSEXual, biSEXual, heteroSEXual.

There is a lot more to human sexuality than just the sex act, sex is part of a complex series of emotions, sex does more for us than just insure procreation, it also insures we find someone to be with, a companion and allows us to get intimately close and try to express that deep love we have.

Who and what are you? I can't say. That is ultimately up to you to decide based on what you are comfortable with.

I suspect in an open, tolerant world where LGBT is a non-issue that you would most likely side with the gay team. However you don't live in that world, thus are struggling against the preconceived and often twisted and hurtful programing that this world offers when it comes to human sexuality.

Eventually you will find that one person who you want to be with forever and being with them will decide for you what you are.
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[SIZE=4]I told you I had the body of a 25 year old....

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#7
Thanks for the links and the info. I have read the passages in the Bible that "condemn homosexuality"but what I interpret them to condemn if homosexual rape and homosexual child molestation. Consensual homosexual relationships are not mentioned. Also of course homosexual prostitution is condemned. I no longer feel homosexuality is a sin. I am a Christian so there fore I arrive to form a personal relationship with my lord, I don't Get from my lord directly that it is wrong. It isn't God that stands in my way, it is society, and my own thoughts, my upbringing. I clearly remember my mother telling me as young add five years old that it was almost as wrong to bee gay as it is to murder people. I know it isn't, they have backed up on it lately but that upbringing doesn't go away so easy.
#8
You're right, Hank, it won't just disappear all of a sudden. You have a little work to do in accepting yourself still. Once you've realised that you're OK, you'll give yourself the right to fall in love and to be loved by someone else.
It seems, however, that if you want to have a family and children etc, you'd better be on the lookout for a man who's also looking forward to rearing a family.
#9
Being gay is not exclusive to having children, there is adoption or a surrogate mother available to gay male couples that want children..

As for coming to terms with being a gay Christian, there are others here who can address that aspect better than I can. I didn't manage that so well and turned to alternate spirituality instead.

I know I'm a bit of an odd one on spirituality, my Pantheon, you God, Jesus, Virgin Mary and angels, all just different interpretations of the same divine beings or powers as far as I'm concerned. But my explanations for some of what is different between my beliefs and yours is a discussion unto itself, best left for it's own thread, if anyone wants to get into that.
#10
The thing is that I genuinely feel attracted to women, it isn't the sex that turns me away it is the thought process. I would like to try a relationship with both just to see. I must open up to all possibilities in order to know but I just don't know how to do that. I would like to bridge that gap mentally but I have a block in my path. I must erode that block but I don't know how or even if I can. I find myself leaning toward pansexual, in places where I am free to be me.

I guess I am afraid of what every body is, I am scared of being an out cast. I find absolutely nothing in common with the small bit of people I once knew in the lgbt.


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