a suspicious text

[lazyboy]

I thought i already posted this, but think it disappeared.
The main reason I did not feel happy in my relationship was the notion that I felt as if my bf was settling for me and that he did not think i was physically good enough. at the movies once he was texting a friend and i saw on his phone screen (i wasn't really expecting to see anything private)
his friend texted, 'your new fella is really cute, I don't know what you were talking about!'
then my bf texted 'ah he will do lol'
would you have been upset if you had read this?
I confronted him about it later and he said that i misinterpreted it and that he hadn't said anything negative about me. i don't know whether to believe this but it was eating me up for ages that he thought i might not be that attractive. bear in mind that this guy would casually say some cruel things like 'you're nothing special' and then pass them off as jokes.

[chillythoughts]

this guy sounds like an ass to me. this is verbal abuse, I say get out cus he'll say anything to retract his words but hes probably laughing on his in sides. This doesnt seem anything positive to you, sounds like its hurting you more than anything.

[GossamerMoon]

If he cares for and respects you, he'll stop saying those kinds of things. Period. If he doesn't, you have your answer.

I just got out of a long-term (loveless/lack of respect) marriage where he knew better than to say these things outright, so he found other ways, more biting than the last, to say it. And I will tell you, that is the feeling we both had when we married--that we'd better settle because a marriage chance might never happen again. (Lack of confidence, and my own refusal to admit to my own sexuality, and maybe he to his.)

Trust me, if this is how it's going to go, break off sooner than later.

//Said in a bitter tone because it is still excruciatingly fresh.

[Blue]

I wouldn't be upset. I'd have said as much even in person.

Example:
Friend says "Your new man is really handsome." (don't really do cute)
I'd say "Meh, he'll do I suppose." with a chuckle because I know full well how hot my man is.

What I'd expect next is some attempt by my man to feign insult and a brief, playful fight of cow kicking or punching each other and laughing. All in good fun.

Assuming I had such a man of course.

[lazyboy]

yeah but the part of the test that bothered me was 'I don't know what you were on about' as if he actually brought up what he didn't like about me and he wouldn't even clarify whether he was joking about that time or not, he could've explained the joke at least if he made one about my appearance but he just said he didn't say anything and blamed the friend, too suspicious

[Blue]

Well, if he wouldn't clarify, or show you the previous messages, then yeah, probably something he didn't want you to know he had said. maybe it was all in jest, but, I'd press the issue and get a solid answer.

I hate having things eating at me, niggling me with what might be, better to just know, even if I don't like it.

[lazyboy]

he actually did show me all the previous messages but it was only messages from that day in particular, nothing insulting me but they had talked in person about me and so that really didn't mean anything. I would love to know what he said about me, but I don't think he'd ever actually tell me. I've pressed him at least twice