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Social outcast
#1
Im an social outcast and always have been. There is no two ways about it when I say Im definitely introverted. I suffer from social phobia and selective mutism . I enjoy the solitude of being by myself some days but feel very very alone on other days. I dont feel like I really fit into society. I have very few if any good friends outside of cyberspace. I have never been in a relationship (serious or casual for that matter). Dating and finding somebody to spend the rest of my life with seem to be pipe dreams that are out of my reach at this point. Im very prone to feeling depressed and lonely. In the past I have thought about ending my life because I hurt so much on the inside from being such an outcast from society. I can speak freely online and socialize with people. The one thing I long for the most is human touch. Talking to people online isnt the same as having an heart to heart in person with them. There is almost nothing I would not give for the opportunity of cuddling and snuggling up to a person. I just want to love and be loved. Can any of my fellow LGBT's relate or am I just the exception to the rule?
#2
You are not alone...with the possible exception of taking my own life....I have felt the same many many years. I just got fed up an said i am going to meet someone face to face and did it.
It did not happen right away bur believe it or not my first friend was a bartender. he asked why i dont drink alcohol and we just started talking, we became friends and he introduced me to a few people.
Then he directed me to LGBT . I found a social group and started going.
It is up to you to do what you have to.
#3
I definitely felt like this about 5 years ago, and still do on a lot fo days... I've talked about it with Marshlander, EastofEden and a few others and they seemed to think it best to look at the root causes of your social phobia. For me it was too much weed smoking, a bad break-up, and 'coming out' all rolled into one, not to mention the streets being less than friendly. It's easy to get swept up in patterns of indulging yourself with alone time, to the point where you become reliant on it; I always used to say to myself "I'll do this awkward social thing so I can go home and smoke up" on a pretty regular basis. Your situation will be different, but just throwing up examples.

Because of all of this I felt a lot like you, completely unable to make a connection because I was so unhappy and distrusting of people. Aside from my friend Ash, and my hubby, the best way to get through for me was to make small steps towards being social, in environments you enjoy. Don't like crowds? take some time to hang out in a park or quiet coffee shop. Doing small things and finding them to be okay builds you up to the bigger ones. I strongly believe there is a person out there for everyone, friend or lover.

If you are having recurring thoughts of suicide I would strongly urge you to consult a doctor or professional; I know these thoughts are not uncommon and rarely entertained, but the fact they exist is a cause for concern.

Take some time for yourself and treat yourself, and people here will be willing to chat, even though I know you desire something more. Dating is scary but the rewards can be well worth it if you feel comfortable x
#4
Hi Marvinteck

I'm right there with you man. I go to work and put in the time to fit in and do the work.. to come home to my empty solitude home. sometimes i feel like i can't take the loneliness and isolation of who i am here. i don't really have any motivation or interests these days. things are better when u have people to share things with. and im online all day at work so its not like i wanna spend online time at home.

somedays i really want someone to take care of me... i'm greatful for the friends i've made at work. I tell myself to be patient, be happy and be greatful
#5
Marvinteck Wrote:Im an social outcast and always have been. There is no two ways about it when I say Im definitely introverted. I suffer from social phobia and selective mutism . I enjoy the solitude of being by myself some days but feel very very alone on other days. I dont feel like I really fit into society. I have very few if any good friends outside of cyberspace. I have never been in a relationship (serious or casual for that matter). Dating and finding somebody to spend the rest of my life with seem to be pipe dreams that are out of my reach at this point. Im very prone to feeling depressed and lonely. In the past I have thought about ending my life because I hurt so much on the inside from being such an outcast from society. I can speak freely online and socialize with people. The one thing I long for the most is human touch. Talking to people online isnt the same as having an heart to heart in person with them. There is almost nothing I would not give for the opportunity of cuddling and snuggling up to a person. I just want to love and be loved. Can any of my fellow LGBT's relate or am I just the exception to the rule?

Hey Marvinteck, what you describe is something that a lot of people feel every day. I have, at various times, felt some or all of the feelings you have described. When you feel down those things you long for always seem so far out of reach that hope seems pointless.

Maybe you can take small steps that are a little out of your comfort zone? In order to make some changes you have to face things that will make you uncomfortable, thats why small steps are important. The ultimate aim of course would be to reach a stage where you can date, and can have the things you so far only dream of - but for now put those dreams aside and do something each day that challenges you a little.

If you want to chat more about this in private chat you are more than welcome, I cant promise to understand everything nor can I promise I know how to move forward, but I can talk to you about what I have seen to help people and you can work out what your own plan will be.

Confusedmile:
#6
As others have said your not alone...
what you posted is pretty much the exactly same for me. (With the exception of feeling depressed & thoughts of ending it all)
#7
Ben, the fact that you acknowledge being fed up with the loneliness seems to suggest that you are ready to do something about it. I second Sil's suggetion to discuss the suicidal thoughts with your physician though. It may help you to deal with the depression on a day to day basis. After what you managed to say to your brother the other day, there is reason to think that you've got the strength and energy in you to fight the depression back and to start looking for that special other soul.
#8
Aw I feel bad for you Sad I know how you feel. I lik ebeing alone sometimes too but it gets to me and I do long for someone to cuddle with at nights I know how you feel somewhat Sad
#9
Hi Marvinteck,

If you read my "I just feel like giving up" thread then you'd know that I'm in the exact same situation. Although I've never seriously thought about ending it all (I'm too much of a coward to do anything stupid - thank God) there are a few days when all seems lost. Reading your post it's shocking how much I can relate to your story and what's equally shocking is that it seems like there are loads of other guys on here who seem to feel the same as we do.

You're 28 and I'm 23, essentially we are at the prime of our lives and if we aren't enjoying life now then I'd hate to think where we're going to be in 30 years time. There's no point in getting depressed though, it's time for action!!!!!!

I don't know how but all us gay guys who feel miserable and alone have got to change things around. It's tragic that so many LGBT people are sitting by their computer feeling lonely when they could be sitting in a pub/bar socialising, dancing in a club or even dating.

Gay = Happy

Please don't feel so upset because things will get better they have to get better, we're not spending the rest of our lives like this


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