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Was I too hard on him?
#1
An interesting conversation at work occurred yesterday. I got briefly talking to someone at work I've never really spoke to before. He asked if I had plans for the weekend, I told him that I was Christmas present shopping for my other half. He asked what SHE does for a living? I told him what HE does.

This guy is camp and stereotypically gay, I am not. I have to say that I was rather annoyed that a fellow gay man assumed that I must be straight, because I am not camp. I used quite a cutting tone of voice when I said the word he. Half of me now feels guilty about this, the other half of me still thinks he should have known better. What do you all think? Was I too harsh?
Fred

Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.
#2
It is the work place, and as illegal as it might be to fire someone just because they're gay it does happen. So I can understand his reservation when he assumed that you were heterosexual. Methinks you should go apologize for being kind of an ass to him, and tell him that when he asks something like that again, that he should say something that doesn't sexualize (?) it. Like they or them.

Just my $.02.


EDIT: hehehehe... post count... *cough*
#3
I don't think it's all that big a deal, I get mistaken for straight a lot. I don't even bother correcting people unless I intend to be friends with them.

The political part of me thinks you did the right thing though. We should all really be standing up in resistance to the tendency to assume heterosexuality as the norm. It's tough to get over though because most of the time someone really is likely to be straight though.
When a subject is highly controversial — and any question about sex is that — one cannot hope to tell the truth. One can only show how one came to hold whatever opinion one does hold. One can only give one's audience the chance of drawing their own conclusions as they observe the limitations, the prejudices, the idiosyncrasies of the speaker.
- Virginia Woolf
#4
I don´t think it was to harsh... but if you see him again... you can ask him if you was to harsh.... and so you have a chance to excuse at the same time....
Proud to be Gay & Pagan
)O(

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31.10 Samhain, All Hallows Eve, Halloween
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#5
Let it go. Just pick up normal conversation if you get the chance next time you see him.
#6
not at all I had a flamboyant man in me cab when i told him i was gay he said " wow my gaydar must be off I never would have called that." it was funny
#7
Mr. Not So Lonely Wrote:not at all I had a flamboyant man in me cab when i told him i was gay he said " wow my gaydar must be off I never would have called that." it was funny

Probably because a gaydar only beeps at camp people. lol. Michael McIntyre is camp so a gaydar would probably beep at him even though he is straight. Speaks volumes about what a gaydar really is. How can someone possibly tell if someone else like's their own gender?

Fred, why does it bother you that he assumed you were straight?
#8
@ OrphanPip

I would not mind, nor be surprised that he thought I was straight (even my boyfriend sometimes thinks I am straight). It was that he assumed it, not just suspected it.

It's not a question of heteronormativity, we are both gay. If it's a question of anything it's whether it's normal to be gay and 'straight acting'.

rsconceptions Wrote:Fred, why does it bother you that he assumed you were straight?

Good question, to which I don't have a good answer. I suppose it's because I feel that a gay man should know better than make assumptions about other peoples sexuality. I realise I am holding him to a higher standard than I would hold a straight man which isn't really fair.
Fred

Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.
#9
fredv3b Wrote:Good question, to which I don't have a good answer. I suppose it's because I feel that a gay man should know better than make assumptions about other peoples sexuality. I realise I am holding him to a higher standard than I would hold a straight man which isn't really fair.

I've felt the same as you, and I've asked myself "why it bothers me" - because I believe if I am bothered by something someone says, the reason why is inside me. Perhaps it could be that, when someone makes an incorrect assumption about you, it could feel like they are "getting you wrong" / "invalidating you" / "missing out something that is important about you" and because we all (I am sure) have some degree of self doubt, we feel we must MAKE OURSELVES KNOWN to others... or to ourselves?
#10
People make dumb assumptions all the time. People think I'm mentally slow because i'm in a wheelchair. Maybe that WAS a quick reaction but....then again.....hardly anything gets to me. So don't go by me. lol:biggrin:

Mick
Feel free to PM Me. Keep in mind though, you have to catch me at the right moment. I will read everyone though. Want to try your luck? lol


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