So far we have raised 15% of our monthly running costs! Thanks for your generosity!

Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
pillars in my life keep betraying me
#1
I was raised Christian, but I was never really a follower. I did the things that we were supposed to do so on so on. When I moved away from home I became atheist. Just didn't see any proof of God, so why believe. I sunk into depression and deep self hate. Booze and depression hit me, nothing really in particular got me so blue just life really crashing down on me, my failures where too much. I had an experience that I will not go into here. But it was enough to jumpstart my Christian faith.

I have been in a rocky relationship with Christians lately and I reached out to them. Confessed to being bi and that I wanted help coping. The reaction I got was not at all what I expected. I expected to hear that I must repent and not act on my unnatural feelings blah blah blah. But it was not like that at all. I was shunned, treated with bigotry and and cruelty. The basically alienated me as though I was a leper. Then they drive me put like a demon.

My conundrum is I heard God speak to me. I don't know that I can leave just like that. My heart is broken. What do I do?

I know some of you don't believe in a God, that's cool you don't have to but I do. So please don't tell me God isn't real, to me he is.
#2
I'm sure there are gay-friendly churches in Houston, and even if not then at the very least there's Unitarian Universalists, many of whom (that is members) are Christian.
#3
I beleive in and trust God more than anyone else I know....like you wouldn't even beleive if I told you....and frankly I find little evidence of God in most churches.

God has always taken care of me...I dont' give a damn what anyone else says...I know my own life and I trust my relationship with God.

Here is the part most people dont' get. I dont' define God nor do I let anyone else do it for me......I rarely talk with most people about God or my relationship with God because so many people feel a need to define God for me....ain't gonna happen in this lifetime.

...so who do you trust? God?...or the church?

...do you trust yourself?...or the people who judge you? (and I guarantee you that it is the people and not God who is judging you)

You should answer those questions before you proceed IMO.
#4
You will find others like you who believe what you believe and who you believe in, just need to have a bit of a look around....outside the square Wink
#5
http://www.gaychurch.org/find_a_church/u..._texas.htm

There are lots of Gay Affirming churches in Houston. (Thanks Bowyn Aerrow for the link.)

Don't let a small handful of jerks destroy your faith. While I am not Christian, I do understand the value of faith and, if God is your higher power, don't let those few, or anyone else discourage you from seeking Him. Not all Christians are anti LGBT, find some that are okay with you being you.
#6
Others have already mentioned that there are gay friendly churches out there - granted the community is totally different from what you have used to... Does one need church to have faith?
#7
If you are wanting to meet up with other Christians, I suggest you get to a "gay" friendly church as mentioned in other posts. You will make friends with people who will accept your sexuality and it will be a nice refreshing change instead of being judge and treated with hostility......

Good luck........
#8
Those people you speak of are not Christians. They might call themselves that, but they don't seem to have read a word that Jeebus said. Take everyone else's advice and find a group of folks who know what's up.
#9
Hank, what did God say to you when you heard Him/Her?
Surely it was a dimension you were missing in your life when you decided to do without it. It came back. But what were the words you heard?
#10
princealbertofb Wrote:Hank, what did God say to you when you heard Him/Her?
Surely it was a dimension you were missing in your life when you decided to do without it. It came back. But what were the words you heard?

it wasn't so much the words. what the circumstances.

I was not happy, I didn't even think I could be, for various reasons but among those was sexuality. I left work, miserable because I couldn't have a drink at work. It was a particularly hard week for me. And life never gets better it only gets worse in depression. I began to think that the only way to gain peace was to die. I flirted with the idea of suicide. This particular day I wasn't resolute in going through with it but the more you think about it the longer you think about it. I just couldn't take it anymore. I wanted to go home and drink myself into oblivion.. My heart was broken, not because people didn't love me, but because I didn't love me.

It was just too much, every thing I did I failed, I gave up on trying. And the nothingness was filling me. I did the last thing I knew to do, I scoffed at myself. If God existed he didn't give a damn about me. But I prayed any way, what did I have to lose. My prayer was just me asking God if he was there.

Hiswords top me were not profound, I said them to myself a thousand times. "you're going to be okay" that was it. But the darkness vanished the misery was gone not gradually but immediately. Like a light switch was flipped. at that very moment. It wasn't magical or supranational, it was absolutely natural. No mysterious light no angles just those words and the effect they had on me. I heard them I am not sure if they were audible. But it was clear they did not come from me. My own word even the same phrase never made me feel so at peace.


Possibly Related Threads…
Thread Author Replies Views Last Post
  How To Find And Have A Happy Prosperous Married Gay Life bootsguy 1 671 01-29-2017, 04:45 PM
Last Post: InbetweenDreams
  My life as a gay in Russia. cormeum 16 653 01-28-2017, 05:38 AM
Last Post: Confuzzled4
  I don't know how to life my life without being in a constant state of high stress MajorasMasc 9 660 11-20-2016, 02:15 AM
Last Post: deephiance
  Transitional period of my life artyboy 6 872 11-19-2016, 09:54 AM
Last Post: deephiance
  I brought up the most difficult subject of my life Cuddly 19 1,737 11-09-2016, 04:12 PM
Last Post: princealbertofb

Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)