Self Esteem?

[azulai]

hi, younglad.

For me the key to helping me with my self-esteem was making peace with myself. I spent a lot of time looking at myself and learning my strengths and weaknesses. I tend to do lists and journaling, but what is key is honestly evaluating yourself.

Then, I really thought back to any criticisms I've received and I took a "second" listen.
I also, listed out things I viewed of myself in a negative fashion (physical stuff, too). But the thing is here, I try to view this as a point of constructive criticism of myself rather than just beating up on myself. You want to get away from that and give yourself feedback on what you need to work on. I basically took a few things and slowly modified my behavior/reaction. Physically, I started exercising regularly and changing my eating habits. I always approach things as, how can I turn a negative into a positive.

So after, that what I did was similar to the mirror thing you mention. No, seriously I just saw myself "as is," things that I couldn't change, things that I could work on and I accepted myself and in a sense, made friends with myself.

Also, it's important to have NO envy. What you describe as jealousy is really envy. I'm not saying that as a criticism but as in trying to make you aware. I have found it's important to let go of all envy in my life and develop a spirit of gratitude. So, it's not that you are jealous of others, but you need to keep your eyes towards yourself and where you are because maybe it's where you NEED to be at this point in your life. You have to live your journey, not someone else's. IDK, but seeing my life as my journey kind of focused me.

What might help here is to set some goals, and then break them into workable mini-goals. Make them flexible to allow for life to happen but give yourself a picture of where you are headed.

So, when you find yourself looking at others/comparing, it's almost like you start training your mind to look at things differently. It takes time and it doesn't happen over night, but you keep telling yourself, no, I'm NOT comparing myself, and you keep practicing this and you'll be surprised how you start to let go of the self-comparisons. Other people's successes in life and love are things we should celebrate with them; don't deprive yourself of that fun. And, when you let envy go, it's an incredible freedom.

And finally, lol, in examining yourself, try to develop a sense of humor about your little quirks. They are usually what makes us unique.

It's almost like you start to see yourself as a work in progress and we all have good and bad days where we wish we would have done better but you value where you are and the progress you've made.

I think the more comfortable we get in our own skin is what helps with confidence and seeing our own worth. It's almost like when you know where you can contribute and where you can't and that's what you build on. Not sure if that makes sense.

But, you see yourself as a member of a team with everyone else and you can't do everything perfectly and you're glad there are other people who do things better than you and you appreciate what they contribute.

So, how does all this crap I've written help with the "I can't seem to attract anyone" problem? Well, you might be giving off a vibe when you meet people or even something as simple as your body language that makes you unapproachable. It may be something as simple as smiling. Can you think back to how you acted when you've gone before and what you wish you would have done differently?

It may be you are putting too much pressure on yourself, and you just need to go to have fun and don't put expectations on yourself or the evening.

Also, if nightclubs aren't your thing, try to find some LGBT groups like a hiking or cycling group where you have more in common with people and things to talk about. Maybe even find some volunteering opportunities? This would kind of take the pressure off why you are meeting people and put it more as a goal of doing something.

Well, I hope you can get something from this to maybe help a little. I'm not sure I'm even answering your question. :redface: Take care.