Choosing to live life in solitude

[InbetweenDreams]

Normally in a conversation, I will start off like this:

Hi

How are you

What's your name

Where are you from

Are you working or studying currently

What are your favourite hobbies

What are your favourite food

etc.

The conversation will end after that whereby the other person had to leave.

I will tell them bye and say that I had a nice time talking to him/her.


Sounds like a boring conversation though lol.

If you read that and concluded that sounds like a boring conversation then think how could that be changed so that it isn't a boring conversation. I think @IanSaysHi said something about conversations he might have while getting a haircut. Well, suppose you are getting a haircut, how could you have a meaningful conversation while getting a haircut? Often the hair stylist might ask a question, might relate to the weather, something like "did you get any snow this weekend?" after a cold front went through. I might say yes and depending on how the conversation goes, maybe they make a remark about how crazy the weather is. I might respond with how I went storm chasing a few years ago. While that might not be interesting to them, a lot of people, that's an attention getter. Not many people go storm chasing and many people think that its dangerous among other things. So you kind of have a skeleton of how to turn something boring like "how's the weather?" to a conversation about storm chasing. But it can be anything, perhaps they have a T-shirt of a rock band you like and you just saw them in concert. Sometimes you can make observations like that. Although sometimes that doesn't work out and they tell you that it's their husbands shirt or whatever, then you might insert "what kind of music do you like?"

The point is you have to get someone's interest by getting their attiention or making an observation. Now, not all people want to open up. To be honest, when I go get a haircut I'm perfectly content with sitting there in silence, but if a conversation starts and it's something interesting I'm find to talk too.

It's OK to choose solitude. Don't know if it's OK for you. My life is very solitary. I'm married, but we ran out of things to say to each other years ago. I discuss politics online a lot, but if she and I discuss politics, we often argue ... even if we essentially agree. Every conversation turns into a debate. We're always exploring the space of disagreement rather the space of agreement.

Aside from my wife, I encounter practically no one in real life. I work from home and only have coworkers online. I visit family occasionally, but they're hundreds of miles away, and I don't communicate much with them electronically. I have no close friends in real life aside from my wife. If I have any friends, they're virtual or friends from the past that I see rarely as when my mother died recently.

Could I be happier? I can always imagine myself happier, but I don't know what another life would be like.

I don't disagree that it is ok to choose solitude, but... I don't think you really want solitude, so why settle or accept it? I don't know how conversations about politics go with your wife, but might be better to bring up topics that might not go sour.

One could say that my life is in solitude. I don't hang out with friends everyday and I'm definitely not the life of the party, but I do enjoy talking to people, especially when there's things in common.

I think often the problem is not that we want solitude, or choose solitude. We just run out of time. We work all week, come home tired and difficult to make plans with people, especially with family that might be hours away. For example, I seldom get to make plans with my sister around the holidays simply because she works at a hospital and often has to work holidays or overtime.


Above all, I do think it is one's best interest to enjoy their own company. I also think we, being the social creatures we are, seek social interaction with others. Doesn't mean you have to discuss the meaning of the universe with a stranger, but sometimes that small talk on the elevator can be fulfilling on some level. Although, I'd rather not be on an elevator with a bunch of strangers being the introvert that I am.