So deeply confused

[hank]

I need some advice. I have no idea who to ask, I have no lgbt friends aside from here. From my first boy crush at about eleven I crushed only on boys but never felt quiet right about it. The first time I ever saw a woman sexually until I was around twenty five. It was as if my prayers had been answered, sort of. I admit I desperately tried to pray the gay away. For me there was nothing worse, no offense, but my own mind roasted in my guilt. I still don't feel quiet right about it. I wonder if I am really gay but saying I am bi so my dream doesn't have to die. My dream to have the same type of family I always dreamed of. Or am I just afraid of people finding out about me. I want to experience sex and love the idea of marriage it's so distant it might as well not exist. I just don't know how to go about it.

Please any advise will help.