09-15-2012, 11:34 PM
Well, about your post. Why do you suspect your boyfriend of being unfaithful to you or of lying to you? You say you know he's horny and you've practically given him permission to have sex when he wants to (and I suppose the option is open to you too in Sweden, should the case arise). Given that the relationship is an open one, and therefore he has no reason to try to make you jealous, or even to deceive you, why do you think he would not tell you about having sex outside of your relationship? What exactly would he gain from it?
Somehow it sounds almost as if you want to catch him out cheating on you. But why? And is he really cheating on you if he's having sex outside your relationship when you specifically gave him authorisation to?
I don't know the specifics of the rules you set up together, but it doesn't sound as if he has to tell you BEFORE he has a fling, does it? Maybe the fact that he knows you're insecure and a bit paranoid is one of the reasons he's not telling you anything, or maybe nothing is happening to be worried about., or at least nothing that he sees as potentially damaging to your relationship.
The fact you tried to catch him out and were being dishonest about it may be what you should work on, because as far as you know, he's not done anything wrong, but you, in trying to trick him have breached his trust, even though he expected you to play mind games with him. I'd say he knows you pretty well.
Stop playing the mind games. If you're going to give him leave to have sex outside your relationship, then you have to trust him to be careful and take care of himself (and of you) and that's that. All you can do from your distance is assure him that you miss him, want to be with him soon, etc... if that's the case, and that you love him. By being realistic in your expectations, you'll show that you're mature enough for the relationship to last, despite the miles between you.
It is quite possible that he's not tried to look for hook-ups outside your relationship, even if the temptation is there and if you've given him permission. He may sense that the permission is more conditional than you explained or intended. If he loves you, he's capable of not infringing your agreement.
How long will you be gone for?
Somehow it sounds almost as if you want to catch him out cheating on you. But why? And is he really cheating on you if he's having sex outside your relationship when you specifically gave him authorisation to?
I don't know the specifics of the rules you set up together, but it doesn't sound as if he has to tell you BEFORE he has a fling, does it? Maybe the fact that he knows you're insecure and a bit paranoid is one of the reasons he's not telling you anything, or maybe nothing is happening to be worried about., or at least nothing that he sees as potentially damaging to your relationship.
The fact you tried to catch him out and were being dishonest about it may be what you should work on, because as far as you know, he's not done anything wrong, but you, in trying to trick him have breached his trust, even though he expected you to play mind games with him. I'd say he knows you pretty well.
Stop playing the mind games. If you're going to give him leave to have sex outside your relationship, then you have to trust him to be careful and take care of himself (and of you) and that's that. All you can do from your distance is assure him that you miss him, want to be with him soon, etc... if that's the case, and that you love him. By being realistic in your expectations, you'll show that you're mature enough for the relationship to last, despite the miles between you.
It is quite possible that he's not tried to look for hook-ups outside your relationship, even if the temptation is there and if you've given him permission. He may sense that the permission is more conditional than you explained or intended. If he loves you, he's capable of not infringing your agreement.
How long will you be gone for?
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