Cousin Crush. I need some advice. I don't know what to think or feel!

[Bowyn Aerrow]

He has been molesting you. Like most people who are "just" molested (not held down and raped) there is a lot of confusion about what is going on. In many ways being held down and raped against your will is easier to deal with because you know where things went wrong. Who is to blame, etc. Which makes processing the event somewhat easier. Dealing with it and getting over it is not the same thing as processing it.

Being 'obliged' to participate in a sexual encounter without it being perfectly clear that you are being forced (manipulation is a form of force, but not clearly forceful) leads to a lot of guilt, frustration, and mixed up feelings about what is and has gone on.

He is using sex as a tool of power over you. That rape. This is not love, this is not consensual pleasure play, this is his using sex as an instrument of power over you.

He is being dominant over you in a bad way. He is self proclaimed straight and clearly there is no interest in a relationship of love with you. I honestly doubt he is capable of reciprocating mutual feelings of love as in lovers.

You need to stand up to him and tell him no - no means no, not maybe.

You also need to get the fuck out of there. I suspect that if he doesn't get what he wants from you he may end up resorting to taking it through force. This is not a good situation, he is 'getting off' on this power he has over you - he may not be getting an erection - but he is getting pleasure from this unhealthy situation.