Feeling a bit overwhelmed and confused

[raphael]

This is a tough one. If your boyfriend had written about being with this controlling guy, who keeps checking in with him multiple times per day, didn't like him being with other people I would immediately tell him: big red flag, run for the hills.

But for the red flag himself advice is more difficult. Especially, since you already talked about this with a professional, and couldn't get it under control. Could it be that you have low self-esteem? Always wondering why anybody would date little old you?
I assume that you are not cheating on your bf and that the monogamy has been mutually agreed upon between the 2 of you. Are you permanently in temptation to cheat on him? Is he constantly making jokes about how he could fukc him, or him, or him?
What did he say about the open relationship he was in before you? Did he like that?

In the short term I would avoid anything that could be construed as controlling him or isolating him from others. Talk about your issues with him openly, if he cares about you, he will play along to make you more comfortable and keep his antenna up for when things get dicey.

hmm i think you've kind of misread some of my post? i am not controlling in the least with him, we both have our own friends and family, and i enjoy the fact that he's happy with his friends and all that. i dont check in on him, or anything like that. so i find it a little pre-emptive and unnecessary to describe me as a red flag.

i dont think i have low self-esteem, i think i do at times like anyone else,
but it is something im working on..

no im not cheating on him. and i have no desire to sleep with or be with anyone else. we are boyfriends. he doesnt make any jokes like that. and his open relationship with his previous partner was his business, to be honest, i dont really care if he liked it or not, im assuming he did because he was in it, but still, id rather not get his previous relationships involved in ours, similarly to the way i dont impose my previous relationships on him, i try to take all my life experience to make my life right for me now.

sorry to have to reiterate, but we are in a mature, intelligent, caring relationship, one where we treat each other with respect and care, not one where we make jokes or feel the need to hide how we feel or "keep our antenna's up"

this isnt about our relationship, its about me, and what im asking is how to deal with feelings within myself, not between us,

thanks,
raphael.