Need sex advise on new relationship (lack of sex)

[Lexington]

I'm beginning to believe that guys who get involved in "relationships" without sex are really deep down very manipulative and using the lack of sex to get other things out of it.

I think some guys just build up walls, and then are reluctant to tear them down again. They've gotten very used to their World Without Sex, and are reluctant to change it. Seems a bit surprising - how can you not want to get involved in sex at last? - but think of how many people won't leave terrible jobs or relationships or living conditions because, well, they're just used to it, and better the devil you know.

Plus, the "I'm not ready for it" guys can use that mantra to justify how the relationship goes. If the guy eases off after hearing it, he can say to himself "See - this relationship is just fine without sex!" If the guy tries nudging him along, he can say "Apparently, he's only interested in me for one reason". And if the guy ends up ditching him, he can consider himself better off without that sex-crazed maniac around.

And as far as the excuse he's given about having been in a bad relationship and having trouble opening up -- that's just an excuse and you can bet it's not the real reason.

Oh, it could be bullshit, but not necessarily. Some guys do get burned, and are reluctant to follow down a similar path. That said, they do usually show some sort of desire to move beyond their current situation.

You're the first guy I've read in a long time on threads like this who's admitted to being out of shape or having a weight problem. All the guys I've known IRL in situations like yours have either been overweight or in one case, severely handicapped. Easy targets for manipulative guys. When I read threads like this that's always the first thing I think about. Te best thing to do is work on improving yourself so that you don't have to ever worry about that again with any other guys.

Well, let's not set up a causation here. Dropping weight won't suddenly leave the manipulative bastards by the sideline, or come with immediate insight on How Men Work. I'm overweight, but I'm quite comfortable in it, and don't often get taken advantage of in any direction. I also don't have too much problem finding guys who are interested in befriending or bedding me.

Mind you, if you DO want to lose weight, I'm the very last person to say no. If the weight is a symptom of a self-esteem problem, yeah, work on building the self-esteem back up (and getting in shape IS a good way to do that, too). But I've known plenty of guys with great BMIs and messed-up social and sex lives.

Lex