So confused. Questioning?

[Stefan Romir]

It's better to tell your story in smaller parts, spaced out, over more than one post, but...confronted by such a massive post, right away, causes concerns just in trying to keep up with the story. Let us get to know you, over many posts, then try telling the story, or linking us to this post, only then.

Nobody will be ignoring you...that much I can tell you. From what I've read, you're going through a classic personality crisis, which is psychological, rather than psychiatric. What's wrong can probably be dealt with, therapeutically, but you need to strengthen yourself in every conceivable way, before you start the therapy, whatever that turns out to be.

Incidentally, about the young Lady?...physical feelings are rarely unwanted! Het' guys dip their toes into gayness, now and then - and, gay guys dip their toes into straightness, now and then.

Personally, I believe that all people - may they like it or not - are born gay and straight...ALL of them! I believe they are capable of either, throughout their lives, without hesitation, given the right mental state, and their environment. Which one they currently are, at any given moment, or which one they find themselves with physical feelings of the need to be...is totally unpredictable, and might well not fit in with their ideas about what they are, if based on what they've predominantly been, formerly.

Ask yourself this: "If there was never such a thing as sex, would I cheat on my husband and go and lay that girl?" Your answer would be a resounding, "No!"...you would not. (While pregnant, women give off pheromones that endear them to all about them, and those pheromones might have had some effect on your, also. That could be another factor.)

Take your time with this...tease it out until its shape is more recognisable, to you. Lust and guilt are pulling you in two directions. Talk it over with all of us, regularly, and ignore clocks and calendars...take YOUR time over figuring this one out.

I've been precisely where you are. It made me panicky, bewildered, guilt-stricken and made me burst into tears, spontaneously. The chaos lasted weeks, but it stopped lasting after I gave it time to play out. Once I recognised the truth of what was happening inside me (no part of this is outside you), I settled down and just dealt with it all, very ably. This is a feeling that goes away, even if you don't try to make it do that.