first serious relationship. please help, long

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Mike is so sweet. He has a heart of gold, strong morals, and is always looking to be as thoughtful and nice as he possibly can. He is almost too nice. Too innocent. Too idealistic.

Count your blessings, if you can find these qualities in a young man now days you have a man worth holding on too.

Just about every one of those list of 'bad things' points to a caring young lad (no, not you, Mike) who is submissive and loving and shows you his love in his own way.

If you two are not going rounds in a ring, throwing dishes, or screaming obscenities at one another then you have a pretty darn good relationship and should be rejoicing.

After almost 20 years with the same man, I have many of the same thoughts that you outlined near the end of your post. Been having them for oh about 20 years.

The sad truth is you are so terribly, terribly 'normal' that if normal was a terminal illness you would be long dead and buried. Your thoughts are normal and happen to even the best of relationships.

If you can include in your list verbal abuse, physical violence, hatred and an inability to even look at him, then you have 'just cause' to leave.

But honestly, you treat your subject (Mike) with a gentleness that is love.

You are unfortunately ending a period of passionate love, if you haven't already ended that period. Love is not dead, it is transmuting.

We humans are not designed to exist in a constant state of high passion, if we were nothing would have been accomplished in all of human history.

You have entered that period when love is deep and abiding. Love does not mean you like each other 24/7 Love means that although you can't stand his puppy-dog-eyes - you still think of them as puppy-dog-eyes instead of something nasty and mean.

Love means he will do things to upset you. Upset means YOU CARE - and caring is what love is about. Its when you become indifferent to stuff he does that the love is dead.

Stick with this relationship, trust me if you break up 10-20-30 years down the road you will look back and grieve and have deep regret, because then you will fully understand that love is really all about and you will understand that you had it with mike.