Social outcast

[Sil]

I definitely felt like this about 5 years ago, and still do on a lot fo days... I've talked about it with Marshlander, EastofEden and a few others and they seemed to think it best to look at the root causes of your social phobia. For me it was too much weed smoking, a bad break-up, and 'coming out' all rolled into one, not to mention the streets being less than friendly. It's easy to get swept up in patterns of indulging yourself with alone time, to the point where you become reliant on it; I always used to say to myself "I'll do this awkward social thing so I can go home and smoke up" on a pretty regular basis. Your situation will be different, but just throwing up examples.

Because of all of this I felt a lot like you, completely unable to make a connection because I was so unhappy and distrusting of people. Aside from my friend Ash, and my hubby, the best way to get through for me was to make small steps towards being social, in environments you enjoy. Don't like crowds? take some time to hang out in a park or quiet coffee shop. Doing small things and finding them to be okay builds you up to the bigger ones. I strongly believe there is a person out there for everyone, friend or lover.

If you are having recurring thoughts of suicide I would strongly urge you to consult a doctor or professional; I know these thoughts are not uncommon and rarely entertained, but the fact they exist is a cause for concern.

Take some time for yourself and treat yourself, and people here will be willing to chat, even though I know you desire something more. Dating is scary but the rewards can be well worth it if you feel comfortable x