Horribly Humiliating. I'm Losing Faith with People.

[oldster]

i am the oppiset s you but the end is the same i have no freinds at all i hae aquantices but it takes a lot to get me to acknolage some one as a freind and i dont trust like you my hart yearns for freinds i can be open wwith but i have seen so much hatefull actions toward people it is hard to have any hope for this world
becuse of prejested views the need of accptance that makes people join in and lafugh at people because it makes every one think you are on their side and all the other shit that happens so i just reserve myself greatly my ex i was with as a total couplefor tbut like ten years befor i asked for his and was ready to put my hart on my sleve so to speak my firsst experiance in this pain i tryed to commit suaside and but for my stubbornness would have suceeded i decited i would not let them win and they would have to contend with me like it or not and started me on my 20 years of crusader rabbit mode of helping and fighting where ever i saw unjustace toward people who for one reason or another were treated as less than regular equals in the world anyway i delt with it in a diffrent way i listen to the hateful talk and it bothers me and lots of the time i try to say something that will make people stop and think what they are doing all my aquentcenses ffeel i am strange and like i tell them i am just an old hippire in my head and probaly will never change but thenwhy should i i dont defend like i usto aand be very verbal in my opinions beecause if i did that i would be no better than them but i still have a sence of humorand laugh at the worlf snd my self but i realise that everyone has their own cross to bare sne you or i dont really know the churimstances that made them as calus as they are but i feel for them too anyway try not to let your hart out there to be used and abused
i know the exxileration of being free enough to come out makes you feel like exploding and you want to be totaly honest with every one but be a bit more reserved and only be sure your feelings are proper as like with the old pharse i love you it may only be lip service and no real meaning just politeness i rearly say that to anyone i have recently started saying this to my mom after like 40 some years of never saying any thing like that as she just reached her 90th birthday so i say it with the same meaning as domost people as far as i am concerned just lipservice i hadent spoken to my parents fter leaveing home for like 30 years till they needed me to sgin some papers for them to get some money from child insurance and i never was out with my parents they just did not like the wy i lived my life since i did not want to live the life they had planned for me and be as ambisious as they felt was necessary abd that at a early age i had explained that it was my life not theres so i will do with it what ever i want not what they want so think about all this and try to not compleatly close to the world but just go with the flow and dont try so hard yes we have more freedon that we did before but they till think of us as silly sses nd feel there is no way two men could ever have a loveing and meaningfull relationship and we need to do that in order to be more accepted the more they her of gay couples being together longer it will just burn them up and prove that they are wrong in their belifes any way goodd luck on your sugery and speedy recovery and remember we all still love you and accept you in our family