dont exactly know what to do here

[pellaz]

So i married like 1996, about 2000 i figured out i was very gay.
lots of ups&downs but about 2004 we tried to get back, i dropped the gay thing.
we had a step daughter and she completed college about 2007.
about 2009 i met my current partner.
i divorced my wife about 2010, the settlement was advantageous.

I dont know you or your situation so:
-Your first responsibility could be to the child. That dosnt mean you have to crush your life. On the other hand dont pass on a cycle of neglect and dis information.
-I assume your lady still lives with you because of financial reasons. If you file for divorce the decree stands for your whole life. Better to see your lady through whatever dependency she and the child have. When things are on a better financial and emotional track make your exit.
-You are the thinking animal and can control your life.

Lots of gay men, especially >30years old, grew up with the stigma that a gay life style is deviant. More options for the gay community now.
-We have always been a part of society.
-Compared to the straights we are not any more promiscuous.
-Create a calm and loving house hold that nurtures the people around you and ESPECIALLY YOUR SELF as a gay man. There is no reason why you cant have a future loving husband, child and career just gently, lovingly, close up the current relationship before starting the new one.

the very best for you.