I Dont Know When

[Phil]

I posted something then I tried to edit it then I deleted what I posted accidentally and now I cant be bothered retyping.

Dontcha hate when that happens

[Australia]

Dontcha hate when that happens

Yeah. Though nearly everything I post is just stupid anyway so when it happens to me it's a blessing for the board.

[Phil]

chin up and all that stuff!

[CrossNecklace]

THANKS GUYS for all the stuff you said.

So now I let you know everything that happened at the meeting.
First thing though is that it was hard for me to find the place..stupid mapquest told me to make a u-turn only to end up at a close gate. I almost gave up on it, but i told myself i gotta do this cuz it'll be awhile again to go to another one since im busy at school. So I went to this room and I was a bit confused so I asked one of the guys that was there if it was the right room. Thank goodness it was. They ask me how I found out about the place. i told them about this site and how princealberto recommended a group meeting for me. so then i searched and found it on google. I introduced myself to everyone and shook their hands. Anyways, I was just looking around for the first 30 minutes since no one was really there yet. They had half naked guys posters on walls. I thought it funny. Then they tell me that tonight was just gonna be a movie night but that didnt really happen since no one liked the movie that was going to be played. it was about a guy who got aids or soemthing. So then more people came and i introduced myself. everyone seemed nice. We all gathered together and sat facing each others. We all introduced ourselves and talked about stuff but nothing about gay experiences. They were just talking about normal stuff that everyone talks about. I thought that was cool. Like I said I have no gay friends so I didn't know XD. I didn't really say much cuz I was still thinking about my situation w/ my parents. After we ran out of things to say everyone just got up. A couple of guys left and then i started talking one on one w/ other guys. I told them about my experience so far and they told me what they've been through. Then this guy named Derrick who happened to be bi-curious invited me to his b-day party. I said yes cuz i really needed to make friends. I have to say he was a pretty good looking guy and he always smiled. He also invited this other guy named Anthony who's been going to the meeting for atleast 2 yrs. We also talked and stuff and he said that we should just carpool to get to Derrick's house. I said that'd be nice. They both gave me their numbers. I thought that was cool. Then I said goodbye to everyone and left. It was so worth it. I met new friends. When I got home I texted both of them so that they get my number tooo. Me and Derrick are now chatting on AIM. He called me once and we talked for almost an hour. That was nice. I learned about his curiousity and how he started having feelings for other guys when he was a sophomore. He really wants to hang out with me but my work schedule is getting in the way and i hate that lol. I really wanna hang out w/ him too cuz he seems like a nice cool guy to hang out with. We both watch Heroes! lol. And he's barely turning 18 this december. he told me that he thought i was cute too and that i would look good in a beater. Honestly...that was so gay. But I'm glad he said it. Cuz I feel that I'm starting to like him too. I wonder if we'll kiss at the party. I've never kissed a guy before. I always wondered though how it would be like. Better than kissing a girl ofcourse. We might be able to hang out and watch a movie this sunday. Only free time for me this weekend. He asked me too if i was interested in any guys. i told him i was just looking for friends right now and i really needed that. And i meant that. That's why i feel so bad that im not gonna be able to go to that meeting til maybe january...dang it!

Questions anyone??? huh??

[CrossNecklace]

He told me that he wasn't sure if I and Anthony were gay. Since of course we didn't act that way. He asked me a few times lol. Guys I think I'm falling for this guy. I'm thinking to myself..."I can't believe I just said that." I mean everytime I chat w/ him or talk to him on the phone my heart starts to beat harder. Will he really be my first kiss??? I dont know.........

I still feel awkward with my mom. Since I know that she've known for years that i was gay. I mean I heard from my cousin that his mom said that my mom told her I was gay. WEIRD. Is she embarassed of me maybe?

[CrossNecklace]

Guys, I started to re-read what I have typed. And even I don't even want to finish reading. Sorry guys...it's wordy...and i know some of them i didn't even have to mention. but READDDDDDDDDD lol

[CrossNecklace]

I still haven't told any of my friends about me being gay. But there are some friends that I really want to tell. I wonder if I'd cry like I did with my family. One of the friend that I want to tell, that I think I can trust, is a girl that likes me. I mean I like her too, but problem is I'm gay. I wonder about how she might react and if I should mention about her liking me. Another person I think I could trust is this other girl that's easy to talk to. She's a really good friend. She's my running buddy. I don't know guys.

[marshlander]

I still haven't told any of my friends about me being gay. But there are some friends that I really want to tell. I wonder if I'd cry like I did with my family. One of the friend that I want to tell, that I think I can trust, is a girl that likes me. I mean I like her too, but problem is I'm gay. I wonder about how she might react and if I should mention about her liking me. Another person I think I could trust is this other girl that's easy to talk to. She's a really good friend. She's my running buddy. I don't know guys.

Hi C/N, now that you have started out on this road You have unlocked a kind of Pandora's Box, except that it won't let loose all the ills in the world. It sounds like things are happening very fast. It's no use me suggesting anything much at this stage, because you will do what you will do.

On coming out to the girl you want to divert ... I see being gay not as "the problem", but rather as a solution to many of the anxieties you've been experiencing. The only way it would be a problem is if the girl chooses to make it one. Then it will be her problem, not yours.

Don't listen to the guy who suggested you aren't gay. What does he know about you? You know about you! He clearly has some difficulty with people not matching his preconceptions and has a bit of growing up to do.

Give your mum time. She'll be okay and, by the sound of it, so will you. We'll be here when you want to tell us more, but posting at five minute intervals suggests that your mind is working at speed. I recognise this and when I was experiencing a similar phenomenon after I opened the floodgates I felt I needed to tell everyone everything. Weird feeling and I'm glad I got over that part of coming out!

Have a great weekend, but keep your wits about you ! I know you are "only looking for friends", but things have a way of changing VERY quickly. Make sure you know how to stay safe

[CrossNecklace]

Thanks Marshlander! Great stuff. mile: