Relationship (and sex) with a transman

[pisceskhminh]

I wouldn't say the gay community and the transgendered community despise each other but as of late I have picked up a bit of indifference. I had lunch one day with a gay friend and we had quite a conversation about transgendered individuals and how they are part of the gay community. He basically said well being transgendered isn't to do with orientation It's about your gender identity, therefore if you have a straight transgendered individual they are straight and same for gay, therefore the gay individual is part of the LGBT. It was quite a debate we were having and I think it ended up in him saying "I'm not bothered about transgendered people, its a different kettle of fish to being gay" hence the indifference stated previously.

Personally I don't think I would pursue a relationship with a transgendered man. Even more so if he did not tell me he was once a woman, but I still would not pursue a relationship, I could Still have them as a friend though. Although I would respect their right to live as male in terms of pursue a relationship I would not be able to see them as male physically as harsh as it sounds, plus technically they still would be genetically female. I don't know it's such a hard thing to say. But in my case I would have to say no. I've tried to be careful and write this as sensitively as I can, I hope this is a balanced view to think.

You're honest with your thoughts. That's great. I won't deny that I will feel hurt if people tell me upfront that they can't be close to me because I'm gay. However, it is still much better than they are nice to me and then stab me behind my back.

I remember a saying from character Melanie in TV series "Queer as folks". She said, "There are two types of people: the one that hates you in front of your face and the one that hates you behind your back". Obviously the later is much more dangerous.

I hope you don't mind me asking you this question. When the word "man" pops up, what do you think in your mind? What images do you think about?

I ask this question because obviously unless a man is effeminate, I won't be able to tell if he's a biological female. I see some pictures of female bodybuilders. No matter how muscular they are, I still see them as females.

The case of Balian Buschbaum is completely opposite. He is a biological female, but the male essence in him is so strong that I'm completely convinced he's a man in totality. Well, I actually don't have to be convinced to see that. I instantly see him as a man the moment I see his pictures.

I don't know why, but I guess it is because I was born in a culture that is not as sexualized as American culture. Or maybe I have never been in a relationship with any man, so my perception of male/female in still in exploration.