Relationship (and sex) with a transman

[mrk2010]

You're honest with your thoughts. That's great. I won't deny that I will feel hurt if people tell me upfront that they can't be close to me because I'm gay. However, it is still much better than they are nice to me and then stab me behind my back.

I remember a saying from character Melanie in TV series "Queer as folks". She said, "There are two types of people: the one that hates you in front of your face and the one that hates you behind your back". Obviously the later is much more dangerous.

I hope you don't mind me asking you this question. When the word "man" pops up, what do you think in your mind? What images do you think about?

I ask this question because obviously unless a man is effeminate, I won't be able to tell if he's a biological female. I see some pictures of female bodybuilders. No matter how muscular they are, I still see them as females.

The case of Balian Buschbaum is completely opposite. He is a biological female, but the male essence in him is so strong that I'm completely convinced he's a man in totality. Well, I actually don't have to be convinced to see that. I instantly see him as a man the moment I see his pictures.

I don't know why, but I guess it is because I was born in a culture that is not as sexualized as American culture. Or maybe I have never been in a relationship with any man, so my perception of male/female in still in exploration.

When the word man comes up I immediately thinking physiologically and anatomically then I think genetically as in XY chromosome. To me that is what a male is. Also you can get effeminate makes who are biologically men, behaviour doesn't come into it. That person you talked about may have a male essence about him and if he is trans I respect that, but In my view he is genetically and to some extent biologically female. Its the scientist in me that makes me think that way, I don't intend to offend but even after a sex reassignment surgery you are still what your genetics make you, you can't change that. However anyone who wants to live their life as a man or a woman I respect, it's their choice and they are who they believe to be in their eyes.