02-09-2012, 07:17 PM
Drug addiction makes for unhappy homes and unhappy people.
Coke, meth and other uppers liberate a person and leads to all sorts of behaviors that they normally wouldn't consider when clean and sober.
Regardless of the gender of person he is having sex with, he is cheating. Cheating on you, cheating on your marriage.
Unfortunately YOUR behaviors to this point have been ones that are enabling him - enabling his partying, enabling his cheating, enabling is flirting.
Gay, bi, straight - what ever he is doesn't give him a get out of marriage vows free card. He made vows which I assume included such things as commitment, monogamy and the like. Unless your vows were more open?
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/ Go that website, and click on the how to find a meeting tab or just go directly there: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/how-to-find-a-meeting
Find a local meeting place and go to at least 4 meetings. You do not have to say anything, you do not have to be nice to those people, you don't have to go to the same meeting place each time.
I want for you to go and sit there and listen to others who, like you, are dealing with a person who is an addict/alcoholic and listen for the sameness in their stories as you have experienced.
After 4 meetings you can decide if you want to keep going, you can also decide to use them as a support structure. You will most likely find many other 'stay at home moms' who, like you, placed this importance on keeping the marriage going for the 'sake of the children'.
Unfortunately a marriage kept together for that reason when it is unhealthy damages and hurts the children in many ways, often in worse ways than a divorce would.
Your kids know that daddy is a drunk/druggy. No they may not know that he uses X drug, but they are aware he is an addict on a baser level. They are also aware that mommy is an enabler - no they may not know that word, but they know what you are doing.
They will grow up to be either like mommy or like daddy. Either a druggie/drunk or an enabler or both.
They know when mommy hurts - they might not know why, but they can feel your pain. If you make it seem that pain/hurt is normal in a marriage, they will end up in a hurtful/painful marriage themselves and stick with it because that is what mommy did.
Yes divorce will lead to other pains/hurts - but these will be more manageable and more obvious and you will send a message to your kids that their happiness trumps forced imprisonment with a torturer.
It will be far more obvious to them that they have issues in their 20's and 30's because mommy and daddy divorced than it would be for them to discern the issues because you stayed with this person and suffered and allowed so much 'small harm'.
Go to alanon, you will find that the people in your local meeting place have been exactly where you are and most likely know of many hidden resources and programs in your area that will enable you to strike out on your own, putting your children out of harms way.
Welfare is an option. It is there to catch families like yours when the supporter fails his/her end of the bargain. Divorce him, collect alimony and child support. He refuses to pay child support then the Welfare People will take it up with him, while feeding and tending to your children's needs.
You will most likely find in Alanon a Job. Not with the program itself, but through those who are like you but having gone through it now have contacts and know people to help you get on your feet.
There is no reason whatsoever that you need to stay in this toxic marriage. You have at least three reasons to get out of it NOW - your babies.
Coke, meth and other uppers liberate a person and leads to all sorts of behaviors that they normally wouldn't consider when clean and sober.
Regardless of the gender of person he is having sex with, he is cheating. Cheating on you, cheating on your marriage.
Unfortunately YOUR behaviors to this point have been ones that are enabling him - enabling his partying, enabling his cheating, enabling is flirting.
Gay, bi, straight - what ever he is doesn't give him a get out of marriage vows free card. He made vows which I assume included such things as commitment, monogamy and the like. Unless your vows were more open?
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/ Go that website, and click on the how to find a meeting tab or just go directly there: http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/how-to-find-a-meeting
Find a local meeting place and go to at least 4 meetings. You do not have to say anything, you do not have to be nice to those people, you don't have to go to the same meeting place each time.
I want for you to go and sit there and listen to others who, like you, are dealing with a person who is an addict/alcoholic and listen for the sameness in their stories as you have experienced.
After 4 meetings you can decide if you want to keep going, you can also decide to use them as a support structure. You will most likely find many other 'stay at home moms' who, like you, placed this importance on keeping the marriage going for the 'sake of the children'.
Unfortunately a marriage kept together for that reason when it is unhealthy damages and hurts the children in many ways, often in worse ways than a divorce would.
Your kids know that daddy is a drunk/druggy. No they may not know that he uses X drug, but they are aware he is an addict on a baser level. They are also aware that mommy is an enabler - no they may not know that word, but they know what you are doing.
They will grow up to be either like mommy or like daddy. Either a druggie/drunk or an enabler or both.
They know when mommy hurts - they might not know why, but they can feel your pain. If you make it seem that pain/hurt is normal in a marriage, they will end up in a hurtful/painful marriage themselves and stick with it because that is what mommy did.
Yes divorce will lead to other pains/hurts - but these will be more manageable and more obvious and you will send a message to your kids that their happiness trumps forced imprisonment with a torturer.
It will be far more obvious to them that they have issues in their 20's and 30's because mommy and daddy divorced than it would be for them to discern the issues because you stayed with this person and suffered and allowed so much 'small harm'.
Go to alanon, you will find that the people in your local meeting place have been exactly where you are and most likely know of many hidden resources and programs in your area that will enable you to strike out on your own, putting your children out of harms way.
Welfare is an option. It is there to catch families like yours when the supporter fails his/her end of the bargain. Divorce him, collect alimony and child support. He refuses to pay child support then the Welfare People will take it up with him, while feeding and tending to your children's needs.
You will most likely find in Alanon a Job. Not with the program itself, but through those who are like you but having gone through it now have contacts and know people to help you get on your feet.
There is no reason whatsoever that you need to stay in this toxic marriage. You have at least three reasons to get out of it NOW - your babies.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
