02-10-2012, 04:27 PM
Hi and welcome! Like other's have said here, you're not intruding!
I just read all the posts and replies and wanted to add some more advice - that i don't recall reading on any of the posts: COUNSELING FOR YOU!
Clearly he needs to seek addiction therapy - but he's ONLY going to go when he's hit "rock bottom." Now, that may be you serving him divorce/separation papers or perhaps not. But no matter how things play out in the next few weeks - you have to find out if he's ready to get help for his addiction. Then, regardless of his answer - YOU NEED TO SEE A MENTAL HEALTH COUNSELOR.
Look, based on your posts, you've been dealing with this anxiety about infidelity for more than 10 years. You need to get some help and tools on how to rebuild YOURSELF. YOu need to face your own co-dependency issues (the fact that you have no support system is the IDEAL situation for a man with control and addiction issues. (NOTE: I belive his cheating is linked to his overall addiction issues - he loves the THRILL and RUSH of drugs AND chasing another person for sex). I'm sure he swore up and down that the women he cheated with "meant nothing to him" - a common statement of a sex addict! I call him a sex addict because i truely belive he has an addictive personality. I'm guessing he's a work-a-holic too. Yes? Maybe a high-stress job? See, all that adds to the addiction of the RUSH of being successful at work, getting a woman to have sex with him, getting a guy to agree to have sex with him and, of course - drugs.
I'm also guessing he's probably REALLY good at his job, right? A type-A personality?
Anyway, you do have alot on your plate and it's good you're seeing a lawyer (yes, they will go thru all the steps you can take to protect your income, home, welfare of the kids, etc) so you know your options. But please, be sure to find a good mental health counselor so you can work on YOU - and not make it ALL about him. COOL?
I just read all the posts and replies and wanted to add some more advice - that i don't recall reading on any of the posts: COUNSELING FOR YOU!
Clearly he needs to seek addiction therapy - but he's ONLY going to go when he's hit "rock bottom." Now, that may be you serving him divorce/separation papers or perhaps not. But no matter how things play out in the next few weeks - you have to find out if he's ready to get help for his addiction. Then, regardless of his answer - YOU NEED TO SEE A MENTAL HEALTH COUNSELOR.
Look, based on your posts, you've been dealing with this anxiety about infidelity for more than 10 years. You need to get some help and tools on how to rebuild YOURSELF. YOu need to face your own co-dependency issues (the fact that you have no support system is the IDEAL situation for a man with control and addiction issues. (NOTE: I belive his cheating is linked to his overall addiction issues - he loves the THRILL and RUSH of drugs AND chasing another person for sex). I'm sure he swore up and down that the women he cheated with "meant nothing to him" - a common statement of a sex addict! I call him a sex addict because i truely belive he has an addictive personality. I'm guessing he's a work-a-holic too. Yes? Maybe a high-stress job? See, all that adds to the addiction of the RUSH of being successful at work, getting a woman to have sex with him, getting a guy to agree to have sex with him and, of course - drugs.
I'm also guessing he's probably REALLY good at his job, right? A type-A personality?
Anyway, you do have alot on your plate and it's good you're seeing a lawyer (yes, they will go thru all the steps you can take to protect your income, home, welfare of the kids, etc) so you know your options. But please, be sure to find a good mental health counselor so you can work on YOU - and not make it ALL about him. COOL?
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