Ignore His Texts to Make Him Appreciate Me?

[zeon]

Some straight talk:

You're obviously conflicted, confused, ambivalent and sending mixed messages.

You use a LOT of words to explain the situation.

Someone needs to be the adult in this situation.

And before you can entertain the idea of being in a relationship with someone you need to get yourself some real life dating experience. Hook ups don't count. Take it from me, LateBloomer.

Good luck.

My partner of 6 1/2 years and counting was the result of a hooked up one night stand and i think they do count to be honest

kindest regards

zeon x

[LateBloomer]

My partner of 6 1/2 years and counting was the result of a hooked up one night stand and i think they do count to be honest

kindest regards

zeon x

My sincerest congratulations to you both, honest.



And I'll be honest, I met the guy I'm currently seeing part time/long distance after I responded to an online ad.

So yes, it can happen. But I think the difference is this: I WAS READY to date and be exclusive when I met him.

A lot of guys (including myself at one time) are just interested in hooking up and will never be serious about the idea of an exclusive steady LTR.

I've said it before, not EVERYONE should be in a relationship. First we need to get ourselves squared away and that comes with dating a few (or several) people in order to get some experience first.

You and your partner were apparently ready.

I think I'm ready.

I don't think CaliforniaLife (with all due respect and compassion) is quite ready for that yet.

Best,
LB.

[zeon]

hello,
I think it was the fact i fell in love at first sight and kind of wasnt letting go and his never regretted meeting me with how ive helped change a life./. i agree with its a case of being ready for it but also not looking for love helps

[californialife]

After doing some research online trying to figure out what caused this erratic behavior.. I came across Narcissistic Personality Disorder. After looking at all possible scenarios and absolutely none of them matching what 'we supposedly had'.. none of them matched up.. NPD was the only thing that matched up.. not 50%, not 70%, 100%. A 100% match.

Ironically, a disorder I was diagnosed with several years ago; albeit ignored it. I now understand why I've never had a real relationship, best friend or anyone that meant anything to me. And I know I am correct in this mental health diagnosis.. because I've been doing the same thing he did to me to people my entire life.

Karma, ain't it a bitch.

Thank you all for the advice. The only thing I can do now is accept, realize and do my best to never let this happen again and do my best to avoid ever doing this intentionally to anyone ever again.

When it comes to this boy. I feel sad for him.. there's nothing I can do and I see a very bleak future for him.. as much as I want to be there for him.. his descent into self-destruction of him and everything and everyone around him will drag me down with him..

I know, because I've been there.. until I lost it all and ended up in prison for my actions of complete disregard for society. Fortunately, I learned i could rebuild myself.. and work on myself.. even though it took 16 years to come to some realization that I had done anything wrong to anyone.

I wish him luck. Thank you all again.

[indianajones]

hello californialife,

Its quite a dilemma that you are in.

I can totally respect your feelings for this guy and i am also sure that you love him a lot, but i am really not sure if he loves you too or not. If he had loved you in real, he wouldnt have been misbehaving with you or not responding to your calls/msgs. You will have to take some difficult decisions sooner or later, as even if the realtionship (if it exists) lasts for sometime, it will be far from a healthy one. This guy, will keep hurting you for sure, being irresponsible, and just taking you for granted, and you will continue to be emotionally/mentally abused. Some realtionships are doomed, and can never work. You must help the guy as and when he needs, but, you have to emotionally detach yourself from him, however difficult it might be for you. If you have to avoid him for sometime, please go ahead and do that.

[Vigilias]

I don't mean to be cruel but this scenario puts me in mind of Thomas Mann's "Death In Venice".

[californialife]

I don't mean to be cruel but this scenario puts me in mind of Thomas Mann's "Death In Venice".

Ironically this boy pursued me for months, until I finally gave in to meet up with him.. after pushing away who knows how many times. I kept telling him he was too young for me and that we had nothing in common.

Ironically as well, now that it is over, after 6 months, I will never even know if we did or not. As with narcissists, it is all one big lie to satisfy their needs. I know, as I was diagnosed as one long ago..

[Nick9]

Hi californialife,
good luck. I think you have made the right decision. I don't think though that his youth was that important. I believe there is a lot of much older people (both men and women) who could treat you in the same way. And that you can find a 18 year old and he will be a perfect match

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Should I give it one more chance for him to talk to me in person and if he isn't willing to do that (he never has before).. to move on? Or should I just move on and live and learn and wish him the best in life...

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

Go to a meeting or four.