My Back's Against the Wall, and the Clock....

[OsirisGuy23]

My Back is DEFINITELY against the wall on this one guys. I'm coming around to coming out even though I have a "don't ask, but if you do I'll tell, you" policy :biggrin: but I'm torn violently between indecision/fear of the aftermath, of coming out and embracing the fact that I know for a FACT that "kissing boys is BETTER than kissing girls" and keeping the status quo by being the "odd quietly sexual straight guy" lmao....both scenarios are EXTREMELY intense on their psychological effects on me....I'm smoking more than ever, I focus only on what's going on OUTSIDE of me, and I feel awkward around men in general....afraid I might find a guy and he'll be a dick, and angry I wont find a good guy, and can suddenly go from the good guy to the family-wide enemy....

Now, (suffice it to say I put an INORDINATE amount of stress on myself to push myself forward lol) How can I harmonize both these situations before I let my stress get the best of me, and I EXPLODE! lol Something I know will change FOREVER....now, forever could be a long time.....how can I make sure that I can keep FOREVER in my favor? :confused:

[East]

Seriously...I have read alot of your posts and I have to say this to you...RELAX! Try some yoga and meditation. I can tell you are a great guy and you are putting yourself through alot of drama for nothing.

Have you ever meditated? Just listen to yourself breathe? If you are able to center yourself it will be much easier to work through this.

I think being gay is a gift. If I wasnt' gay...I would want to be. I hope that one day soon you will be able to come to terms with everything and enjoy your life. Being true to yourself is everything.

[OsirisGuy23]

What can I say? I'm a perfectionist? Best effort means alot to me, even though I don't verbalize it as much as I do on here lol

I don't know....when you consider all I've got to loose it does seem a little accurate to be a little "tense" lol But I've tried Yoga/medition/Rei-ki Healing....etc you name it, I've done it TWICE, but it does help for the moment...having long term issues closed that need to be closed for me to feel better sounds like a point to focus on...any suggestions to ease the blow to the family/for myself?

[Toby]

It sounds to me like a lot of the stress is coming from fears and concerns of what others think of you. The only opinion of yourself that matters is your own.

Something I know will change FOREVER....now, forever could be a long time.....how can I make sure that I can keep FOREVER in my favor? :confused:

It's unfortunate that there even has to be such a thing as "coming out." I think most people's sexuality is a lot more fluid than we give it credit for. It's not always fixed and rigid for everyone so I think it's a bummer that we have to have all these labels and boxes that we feel expected to fit into. But again, you only feel that way because you're inflicting those beliefs and expectations onto yourself. I don't know what your particular situation is concerning your friends and family, but if it's anything like mine (and I say this from one neurotic individual to another) you're probably worrying about your sexuality way more than anyone close to you.

.afraid I might find a guy and he'll be a dick, and angry I wont find a good guy, and can suddenly go from the good guy to the family-wide enemy....

Can you elaborate on this? What do you mean you're afraid of being the family-wide enemy?

[Toby]

BTW
I love the contrast between your very stressed out post and the "fine" smiley face under your avatar.

[East]

My suggestion..stop seeing yourself through someone else's eyes.

As for perfectionism...I can't really relate...I see God as being in control so I think the best circumstances are a bit messy. :biggrin: I like the idea of letting go...it has amazing rewards....but I know not everyone is built to let go.

I think that challenges are good for people...give your family a chance to love and accept you for who you really are. Give yourself a chance to do the same thing. They might surprise you...they might surprise themselves.

If love is conditional...it really isn't love. It is something else.

I think it is always better to be part of the solution.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

I'll make this real easy for you and I will tell you what the wisdom part is.

Everything outside of you is most often beyond your ability to change. This means you can't change it - accept it.

Everything inside of you you can change.

So you can change how you feel about how others think about you (or what you think they think since no ones actually asks anyone how they feel now days). This won't change how they do think, it won't change their reactions/actions and their feelings - but you can certainly sleep better at night and worry less if you modify how you feel about how they feel, act, behave - blah blah blah.

[Gizzie]

I agree that letting go is much easier than being a perfectionist.
I used to be one, and now that I learned to let go, it is so much easier!!!

I agree that what people may think about you can not be changes, but how you receive it can.
Whether you come out or not, try not to judge yourself based on how they see you.
I think life is more fun if you can just enjoy how you see the,

[pellaz]

most people come out because they are dont want to live a lie anymore bla bla thing. Or they have a serious boy friend and the closet has become to small for two people.

In your case it seems you have no direct need to be outed. You are not ready relax.

[andaluzativo]

What can I say? I'm a perfectionist? Best effort means alot to me, even though I don't verbalize it as much as I do on here lol

I don't know....when you consider all I've got to loose it does seem a little accurate to be a little "tense" lol But I've tried Yoga/medition/Rei-ki Healing....etc you name it, I've done it TWICE, but it does help for the moment...having long term issues closed that need to be closed for me to feel better sounds like a point to focus on...any suggestions to ease the blow to the family/for myself?

hi soulmate , i'm a basket case just like you, i hope we can find peace, or i will lose my mind, honestly :frown: