Should I give up on this? Dealing with mixed signals

[PennState1122]

Okay so here's the deal. A couple weeks ago I met this guy on craigslist (I know, it's a little weird, whatever). We met up and hooked up. It was my first time with a guy and I let him know this. He was a closet case like me. About a week later I texted him and asked him to meet up again. He agreed and I came over and again we hooked up. Now I don't have much to compare it to, but to me it seemed like we had really good sexual chemistry and it wasn't awkward like I was afraid it would be. Also, after we had sex he tried cuddling with me, and then abruptly ended the cuddle sesh like 5 mins later. I happen to really like this guy. He's just seems like my type. But the thing is.. I don't know if he's interested or not. I don't expect it to lead to a relationship or anything (though that would be nice) but I don't want to keep texting him looking for hook ups if he isn't into it. On one hand he seems a little distant and he's never once texted me but on the other hand, why would he agree to the second "date" if he wasn't interested and why would he try to cuddle with me? Should I text him again or just forget about it?

[Person66]

Ok, I don't have much to compare it to either, but when I met my Bf (note we had already been good friends for a long time but hadn't seen each other for a while too)? We had good chemistry, I was very attracted to him, we were very sexually compatible, and I really liked him too. I was unsure about his feelings for me, just like you are with him.
But unfortunately here's where the similarities end, he wanted to cuddle a lot. I was still unsure, but he insisted I stay the night and I woke up to him cooking breakfast. Looking back one clue was he wanted me to come over his place a lot and didn't seem to want me to leave. How is he in regards to your staying at his place? I'm thinking he may just be nervous, with you guys meeting on Craigslist and all, I know I would be.

So I'd go on the second date and trust your gut instinct. If it feels "special" continue if not, he's probably not the guy for you.

[colourblindguy]

I've hooked up a couple times from CL so don't feel too bad, but remember it's always a crap shoot with that and really any kind of hook up site. You don't know him and he doesn't know you. You might connect and you might not. The reason he or anyone wants to cuddle is because they want to fill a void for a while if only for a moment. It's from the desire to have someone to cuddle with, to feel loved and connected with someone for once. Most are starved for it for months and years, so when the opportunity comes, they try and get all out of it that they can when they can get it. They also know that that opportunity may not happen again for a long time.
If he's not responding to you it could be for a couple of reasons. He may not want to be pushed from a cuddle away again as it was probably a form of rejection which is something he may be having a hard time dealing with. He also may not feel they way you do especially since he probably thinks you were just in it for the hook up and nothing else.
When people are in the middle of a hook up, they exhibit all the actions of someone who seems to be really into you and want to be with you all the time and the recipient may feel the same way, but as soon as you ejaculate, all those feelings go away most of the time and then its over just as soon as it was started. If the recipient is still feeling those feelings, and the other doesn't then the recipient ends up feeling like crap and used. It's a vicious cycle.
If he isn't responding, he probably won't and you just have to move on to the next crap shoot if you want.
Hope things work out for you soon.

[LateBloomer]

Okay so here's the deal. A couple weeks ago I met this guy on craigslist (I know, it's a little weird, whatever). We met up and hooked up. It was my first time with a guy and I let him know this. He was a closet case like me. About a week later I texted him and asked him to meet up again. He agreed and I came over and again we hooked up. Now I don't have much to compare it to, but to me it seemed like we had really good sexual chemistry and it wasn't awkward like I was afraid it would be. Also, after we had sex he tried cuddling with me, and then abruptly ended the cuddle sesh like 5 mins later. I happen to really like this guy. He's just seems like my type. But the thing is.. I don't know if he's interested or not. I don't expect it to lead to a relationship or anything (though that would be nice) but I don't want to keep texting him looking for hook ups if he isn't into it. On one hand he seems a little distant and he's never once texted me but on the other hand, why would he agree to the second "date" if he wasn't interested and why would he try to cuddle with me? Should I text him again or just forget about it?

Why cuddle? Just because it feels good.


There are lots of different types of relationships. Some can be pure sex and that's it. If you're interested in more you should simply ask him out to lunch or something. If he's interested in meeting you outside of the bedroom you'll instantly have your answer. If he's just interested in sex he'll probably say so. If you're ok with that then you need to make it clear, you're ok with just sex.

Either way, putting your cards on the table pretty much dissolves any fogginess.

Good luck.

[ceez]

I think it would be hard to start a relationship since the both of you are still in the closet, but you never know. actually a lot of relationships start off with sex first.

[pellaz]

welcome to gayspeak

is he married, in a relationship, is he HIV positive?

[Sylph]

Hard to determine.

But personally, I don't like it when I have to chase after people, I like to be chased. I've been chasing people all my life, begging people to let me hangout with them or just "slipping" into a circle of people and trying to fit in, only for them to throw me out. Well, I finally had enough and just stopped trying so hard. Eventually, people started coming to me, asking me if I wanted to hang out and inviting me to "get togethers" at their house(not sexual).

You have to just be you and if he can't deal with it, then F him with sandpaper. He's not the only available gay male on this earth and he won't be the last for you.

Don't be desperate to be with him, because you feel like you should be together, it should just feel right and natural. If you feel like you're forcing, then you are and it won't work. If he doesn't want to be with you, you have to let him go. He'll see what he's missing out on and by that time, it'll be too late, because you would've(should've) moved on to something better.

Communication is key to any relationship, so don't be afraid to talk about things with him. If he can't handle it or doesn't want to, then you have your answer.

I wish you luck

[dfiant]

If you never never go, you'll never never know.

[jimcrackcorn]

Sometimes you need to be a bit aggressive when you like someone but are unsure if they feel the same way toward you. Don't be afraid to ask him out for a Dinner Date. And during a conversation, make it a point to tell him that you like him. Build the relationship one step at a time, and let him become comfortable before taking the next step up the ladder toward a relationship.

If he doesn't seem to be interested in a relationship, then work on being friends with each other. If it wasn't for my gay friends, I'd never have met my cranky old husband!! mile:

Best wishes,

Jim

[PennState1122]

Thanks for the words of advise everyone. I'm inclined to think that what I have going with this guy is strictly sex. I think ColourBlindGuy may be right, that I may be misinterpreting sexual enthusiasm as something more. On the other hand though, I figure I might as well give it another go, and put myself out there a little and see what happens. What's the worst that could happen? ...that I never see him again? Oh well probably for the best in that case. Thanks again for your perspectives.. they were all very helpful.