Your thoughts appreciated

[Oneconfusedguy]

Hello all! I am hoping I could gain some insight from this community. First of all I am male, 26 years old and I have battled with thoughts of my own sexuality for the past 10ish years. I seem to go through phases where I prefer men and phases where I prefer women. Within the past couple of years the phases happen more frequently and I find myself becoming more and more attracted to men. Over time I have developed a lengthy line of fantasies that involve men and porn has only strengthened this. I typically go to a website that provides both straight and gay porn and while I may have initially gone there for straight porn I find myself consistently deviating towards gay porn. The idea of the act is such an incredible turn on! Seeing a man in little to no clothes has a very erotic appeal. I have even caught myself checking other guys out at the gym as of late.

I have been with women in the past, it was fun but felt lacking. I have never been with a man yet but provided the opportunity I would probably jump on it. Recently I have even turned women down for dates because I am not sure of where I stand. So here I am, I feel I am at the very least bi but I am left wondering. I could very well see myself with another man. So what do you all think? I always love to hear others thoughts.

[StarletHologram]

Hi!. The way you describe it makes me think you´re probably feeling guilty because in the appealing scales the male side is winning.

It doesn´t matter if you´re more attracted to boys than to girls, and neither you´re bisexual or gay. Who cares about that?. Thing is you´re part of the sexual diversity. You must do what makes you feel well, happy, satisfied, comfortable. I´ve met a lot of bisexual people that think the fact that they like both genders is less bad or embarrassing. For example, if I´m a boy, and like boys and girls I might have the consolation that I can have sex with both of them in private, but to the public eye I´m still heterosexual. I may feel less guilty to like my own sex if I like more the opposite sex. Obviously when I start to feel more attracted to my own sex, the posibility to keep an appearance of heterosexual starts to vanish, the excuse to like my same sex decreases or lost its effect.

Do´t be afraid or ashamed if now you realize that you´re feeling more attracted to guys than to girls. It´s just a feeling, and we cannot decide if we´ll like men or women. If an opportunity to have a experience with a dude crosses in your way and you want to take it, do it!. Of course, with all the necessary precautions, not any Johnny. I´ll suggest you to read information about sex between men, the sexual roles, techniques and tips about oral and anal sex, correct use of the condom. Prepare yourself previously, so when the time comes you can be able to make the most of it.

Another important thing is that you haven´t tried the real sexual experience with a man, and your only references are based on porn. Having sex in real time is totally different to whatever you see on porn movies. I´m not saying is bad that you watch pornograph, cause it´s a way to express your sexuality. I simply think that your lack of experience with men increases your curiosity, and of course, if you see all that faces full of pleasure you may thing is great. I can assure you it´s astonishing, but it´s my experience, and you haven´t another way to find it out other than giving it a shot.

Accept your feelings, be coherent with them and you´ll feel released, calm and happy. You´re the same person, with the same values, projects, dreams, skills. You only have a different taste in sex than other people. What do you say?.

This is only my personal opinion, my version and own way to see how things should be. Hope it can help you, I can be wrong too. So, pay attention to whatever the others say about this matter. :biggrin: Best of regards!.

[LateBloomer]

I'm pretty exhausted from a trip, but here are my thoughts in a nutshell.

I also experienced what I called "pendulum swings". I'd go from feeling straight to feeling gay. Never spending much time in between.

So as you can see, I chose to "label" myself as "bi". But that's not really accurate, but I never really felt *simultaneously* attracted to men or women. It was either gay or straight for me.

Ambi-sexual might be a better label, I'm not sure.

But frankly, labels are so LIMITING. I hate it. I only pick bi- because it's convenient to describe my "background". Honestly, in the future I only see myself with men, so at some point I'll probably identify as gay.

THE POINT IS: don't get hung up on labels. Just be honest with yourself and others. If they have a problem with how you identify then that's THEIR problem, not yours.


The solution to your frustration is to "gain experience". You simply need to get out there and find out whose company you prefer.

Best wishes, and keep us posted.

[Oneconfusedguy]

Wow, thanks guys! In just those two posts there is so much to chew on. As I wrote my post it felt good, like I was giving attention to thoughts I never truly have given much time. For example, why would these thoughts keep coming back if they didn't mean something? Reflecting on why there were these as latebloomer put it "pendulum swings" I really only brought myself out of it because I was unsure of what the future would bring. Perhaps it is time I went out and explored this.

I too hate labels, our society has become quite obsessive with them haven't they?

[LateBloomer]

Wow, thanks guys! In just those two posts there is so much to chew on. As I wrote my post it felt good, like I was giving attention to thoughts I never truly have given much time. For example, why would these thoughts keep coming back if they didn't mean something? Reflecting on why there were these as latebloomer put it "pendulum swings" I really only brought myself out of it because I was unsure of what the future would bring. Perhaps it is time I went out and explored this.

I too hate labels, our society has become quite obsessive with them haven't they?

I hope you get some clarity soon. I know how disorientating it can be.

Best,
LB.

[Oneconfusedguy]

Well well. To say I have put a lot of thought into this is an understatement. I've allowed myself to take a step back and analyze the facts and it seems quite clear, not to mention a relief... Simply ignoring the thoughts and desires I have causing them to come back over and over again has provided my answer. While I do find women beautiful however, I can confidently say that I am attracted to men!

Thank you so much to those who have given their input, it really has allowed me to see things differently.