Help please!

[Bowyn Aerrow]

After 14 years of being with the same man, I can assure you that there are long periods of misery in relationships, followed by periods of passion - or just mere lacking.

You get good years and you get bad years, you hope that it will end up on a great year.

Partners are supposed to be always having a power struggle - supposed to. There are new challenges and situations that crop up with life (part of the point of living I assume) that challenge the dynamics of relationships and cause the couple to seek a new balance under new situations.

You both still love each other and want to be friends - that is what a relationship is really all about.

I would strongly suggest couple's counseling - A few months of that and you two will have new tools in order to open up real communication and most likely will have a much better understanding of the dynamics of how relationships work in general and more importantly how your relationship works.

No it won't be perfect, no it won't be all sunshine and jelly beans and beer. It will be grimy, hard-work with lots of blood shed and tears. As they years progress there is less blood and tears :tongue:

Are you the bad guy for wanting happiness? No. Are you the bad guy for bringing home other guys to fuck - yeah, sure.

Trust me, no relationship you will get into will be 100% happiness all the time. Most are usually only 5% happiness, with about 10% pure anger and grief the rest is about finding levels of contentment, compromising constantly on all things and accepting some things that you normally wouldn't accept from most people.

[Thecolorinside]

Thank u all very much for your advice and opinions. I dont think he would accept couselling as a possible solution, he is the type of person who does like to be told what wrong and whts right, I guess. I agree that after 6 six year the loss of the stressful but still comfort zone its going to hard for both of us. I think he is willing to move out in a few weeks time, that what he told me tonight...not sure if to take it as a matter of fact or as a sort if ultimatum. Btw I wouldnt bring people at home while we still under the same roof with him and I wouldnt bring people at home just for fuck, not because I'm a saint but because at the end of the day I really want to be happy again and I guess one night stand wouldnt make me any happier. I guess I dont know what to do yet, but all your words helped to look at things from different angles and I really appreciate your words. Thank you

[Rainbowmum]

I have been with my husband for 30years.
We have our ups and downs , but jealousy has never been an issue ,as we have full trust in each other.
I love the man to death ,he is every thing to me , but there are still days when I want to set him on fire.
I have no doubts he feels the same about me.
The longer you are in a relationship , the more things you discover about each other , and the deeper your feeling will grow , as you face life's challenges.

[James]

My parents were together for 58 years, I asked my father how they managed to get along all that time, he said "your mother and I found that on certain subjects we would never agree, so we agreed to never approach those subjects", Jim

[Wombat]

My parents were together for 58 years, I asked my father how they managed to get along all that time, he said "your mother and I found that on certain subjects we would never agree, so we agreed to never approach those subjects", Jim

That's pretty much how my partner and I have stayed happy and together for past 16 years. It's not really rocket science avoiding topics and situations that will cause arguments but it seems that a lot of people aren't happy unless there is friction in their relationship

You can't spend your life waiting for other people Thecolorinside; you need to decide if what you want and need is more important to you than what he wants and needs.

[pellaz]

hay
in a relationship every day is a struggle, it is a lot of work. Do you really think it would be different with an other man? Are you able to write down what would make a difference.

i would insist on getting counseling.

i never got along with my x wife (straight marriage) till i divorced her. In my current gay relationship i try to live that way all the time. Sound strange?