I'm falling in love with a good friend, afraid and scared.

[Anonymous]

I'm in love with a good friend of mine and I don't know what to do. :frown: Unlike most stories that I've seen on here my friend is gay and means the absolute world to me and I have fallen in love with him. My friend is single and so am I and he has been there for me during the bad times and has been the only person who has ever made me feel comfortable in myself. We talk all the time, we text each other, it may seem a bit much but my heart kind of flutters in my chest whenever I get a text message from him or a call and it makes me feel like there is someone there for me. I came out of a bad relationship, my partner cheated quite a lot, was seeing a handful of guys and didn't treat me the way he should and my friend was there every step of the way and made sure I left him and that I was ok and just sat down with me telling me it would be over. Since then I suffered with low self confidence and this guy just makes me feel special just by talking to me telling me I'm good and that I'm a lovely guy. mile: As for my friend we are very alike, we have both had bad relationships with selfish guys and have a similar family background and it's so easy to talk to each other. I've never mentioned my feelings for him and recently he got work slightly out of the way from me but we are constantly talking and texting.

Should I perhaps tell him of my feelings or will this hurt our friendship? He is such an easy going guy and I don't think he would have an issue with it, he may be a bit surprised but I think he'd say "don't be daft u silly get, this isn't going to change anything". What is really special about this guy is that he is the kindest and most gentle man I've ever met, so giving and he sees the person inside. I do have other friends and we do talk on the phone and text, but this is all of the time we are constantly in contact and this is what is making me sense a difference. Am I just being stupid? Am I being pathetic? I dont know but one thing is I have serious feelings for this guy. . . . . . . .

[Nick9]

Hi Anonymous,
why do you think that it may ruin your friendship? Is he dating someone? Have you already tried and it didn't go well?
What about if you don't tell him but show him? With your touch or look? Try to hug him and hold him for a bit longer than a friend would? Saying things aloud can be difficult, try it without words first If you don't see any signs of him being uncomfortable, you can ask or change your hints to something not so subtle

[Anonymous]

Hi Anonymous,
why do you think that it may ruin your friendship? Is he dating someone? Have you already tried and it didn't go well?
What about if you don't tell him but show him? With your touch or look? Try to hug him and hold him for a bit longer than a friend would? Saying things aloud can be difficult, try it without words first If you don't see any signs of him being uncomfortable, you can ask or change your hints to something not so subtle

I don't know why I think it may ruin our friendship maybe because I don't want it to be awkward between us plus I'm not confident about these things at all, I'm rather shy and afraid of rejection. He is single just like me and we are both free of our crappy relationships, I didn't used to think about him this way but recently the feelings have been really strong. I do find him attractive yes but I kind of don't think about him in the sexual way, I just think, I want to be with you, I want to spend time with you and I want to make you feel special and appreciated. Well he is away at the moment work related, and I'm kind of unsure how to go about this. :confused:

[pellaz]

... we have both had bad relationships with selfish guys and have a similar family background ...

both of you are gay?

[Nick9]

I do find him attractive yes but I kind of don't think about him in the sexual way, I just think, I want to be with you, I want to spend time with you and I want to make you feel special and appreciated.

Isn't it what you two have right now? I believe the bond between two friends is different from the bond of two best friends. Maybe what you two have is the latter. It can develop into romance, but from what you wrote, I don't feel like you are there yet.
Am I wrong?

Do you want your relationship to change? From the friendship to something more? Or do you "just" (I am not trying to lessen the meaning) want to assure him of your friendly feelings?

Maybe what you want is to tell him that you appreciate the comfort of the relationship you have right now? Something like: I am glad you have come today, I had a great time. I am glad we can spend time together like this. You always make me feel good. I am happy to have you. Thank you for this evening. (pick one )

[Prometheus]

Finally, a best friend love post that isn't a tragic straight-boy/gay-boy romance! If anything, you're in an awesome position. You've been friends a long time so your feelings are no midnight love parade honeymoon... so maybe you've found something special. There's love at first sight that knocks you flat on your ass and then there's love that slowly roots itself until you're completely entangled. If your friend is truly the gentlest, nicest man you know and you're able to be the same to him in kind, then carpe diem, my good chap! Make his day and yours...

lol...

(unless you can make a fair, realistic assessment that he, in fact, is not physically attracted to you for whatever reason. Then? Just be friends.)

Make an at home date with him -- pizza, beer, blah blah. Get wasted, rest your head on him.. and say all those nice things that Nick9 suggested in his last paragraph.

Good luck! :redface:

[Anonymous]

Isn't it what you two have right now? I believe the bond between two friends is different from the bond of two best friends. Maybe what you two have is the latter. It can develop into romance, but from what you wrote, I don't feel like you are there yet.
Am I wrong?

Do you want your relationship to change? From the friendship to something more? Or do you "just" (I am not trying to lessen the meaning) want to assure him of your friendly feelings?

Maybe what you want is to tell him that you appreciate the comfort of the relationship you have right now? Something like: I am glad you have come today, I had a great time. I am glad we can spend time together like this. You always make me feel good. I am happy to have you. Thank you for this evening. (pick one )

I want the relationship to change I want it to be more, some times I do have sexual feelings towards him it doesn't feel out of lust though it's more like I feel this way because I love him I kind of just want to belong to him.

[Nick9]

This sounds nice

If it was me, I would start with all those little comments. Then maybe I would occasionally compliment on his clothes. You will see, if he wears your favorite T-shirt next time you see each other You can then move to compliments on his look, or colon. You will see if he takes all your hints.

I would not, however, say that you like the friendship you have. Because if he has feelings for you too, he could take it as a hint, that you don't want more than the friendship. Say, you like that you have him.

I have no problem to voice my positive feelings, but I am not sure if I am helping you when I don't know you. Maybe you do all those things already

[Bowyn Aerrow]

So you would rather be in a relationship with a stranger who turns out to be a monster than be in a relationship with a person who already know, and like????

Like it or not your relationship has already changed. And your carrying a torch of romance for him will impact and change that relationship in many ways. Being silent about your feelings will do harm to that relationship.

Your behaviors and actions toward him will, most likely, be dampened as you pull back, 'afraid' of harming the relationship. He won't know that you are pulling back because you are attracted, he will assume something went wrong, the relationship is broken and may actually start pulling himself back from you thinking that that is what you want.

Relationships - all of them, require communication in order to function. If he is close enough for you to share your emotions about the crap that happens in your life, then he is close enough for you to share your attraction of him with.

The worst he can say is 'No, thanks, but I don't want to go down that road.'?

Right now you don't know his feelings, you don't know what could happen. 10-20 years down the line if you fail to act you may find yourself looking back kicking yourself in the head believing you messed up your 'one chance' at happiness.

Since you both have had 'bad' relationships, you both know that you don't want that and may actually work harder to keep your relationship 'good'.

For all you know he has similar feelings for you, thus all of the excessive texting and carrying on. But like you, terrified that if he speaks it will break the relationship, he remains silent.

Either way, your feelings for him will have a profound impact on this relationship. While I doubt you can control how you feel about him, you can take charge and voice your feelings to control how those feelings affect this relationship.

Rejection comes with life. If you try to run from rejection and refuse to take risks, you end up being a bitter old woman with a dozen cats looking back at your life regretting all the missed chances to failed to take.

[Rainbowmum]

A strong Friendship will survive anything ,and is then foundation of any relationship.
So what are you waiting for ?