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I am not sure or may be too scared. Help!
I need some relationship advice/your opinion.

Well, I am 30 years old. I started dating when i was 20 and for the last 10 years I always bumped into wrong people, Id get hurt, isolate myself and start over. I have been through immense pain and I have seen happiness too (Sometimes).

My prespective to life is a bit dark, not only because i ended up meeting everyone wrong but my job is so as well. I am becoming a trauma surgeon (Resident) and all i deal with is..

I am always stressed out, always anxious and depressed. And to me, I always thought this is what normal feels like. Dark and twisted.

He is 32, a big hearted, big smiling, teddy bear of a man, hairy butch and all that any guy would dream of. Our paths crossed in a strange way. That is a long weird story but anyway.

The experiences I had before, the kind of people i work with, the family I come from. I trust no one because I have been hurt, played with, manipulated. Either I am too sensitive or the world has become so rude.

I honestly gave up on love, i gave up on finding someone, I was planning to finish my residency and get burried in volunteer work and service to others. Till i met him and he changed everything.

Where do i begin? The chemistry is jaw dropping! He is so carying, loving. I feel like all he wants to do all day is to have me in his arms and kiss my forehead 24/7.

Problem is because of who i am, I am a negative person. I have been waiting for him to say somehting wrong, do something bad so i can spot on say.. see thats what i was talking about! it is my life after all.

He treats me so gentle its unexplainable. He will never let me get up if i needed something. He puts my shoes on. The love on the bed is.. no words, except i want to cry with the amount of care he gives me.

He comes from a broken family, absent father, failed marriage (divorced wife), grew up on streets, had lack of money and he made himself and stood up himself to be where he is.

I have kissed his feet out of respect, this man in 2 months has won my heart. I am really trying my best to give back the amount of love I am getting. But i cannot seem to reach his level.
I am a 30 year old man ! ofcourse I can pick fake people, red flags, incoming trouble. I am trained to have an eye like that. We are trained to be on the edge for worst case senario but nothing. Not a single thing i can pick.

Is this dude real?
He does not know any dating apps. He is/was a straight man in straight marriage with a bitch.. He told me he has hooked up with 3 men in his life and that was one time encounter. And me being from the generation of the apps. Id know if someone is lieing. He does not know the gay scene, is not in it. Has no idea about it.

My goals are his goals. He wont talk to me unless i give him an update that i have studied so and so and i have completed so and so. And ofcourse i do the same with him.
He says i am the ray of hope he was looking for. I fill his life with ambition, goals, positivity (Ahh.. i dont agree), with things he cant explain and i wont understand..

I dont know, is this first time relationship firework lol or is this real? What the F is wrong with me.

Can anyone give me an insight! Or just your opinion. Is this what soulmate is?
Its been only 2 months and i am madly in love with him and he is equally or more.

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