06-06-2012, 02:30 PM
First off, you should give your BF credit for brining up the subject. Now, i couldn't tell from your post if you 2 had a conversation about being "open" or if it was just a passing statement (ie: a trial balloon).
The bottom line is: If both of you aren't 100% comfortable with the idea - it will eventually cause the end of your LTR.
As i stated above, you DO have an opportunity to have an adult conversation about being "open." Maybe he wants the occasional 3-way with you. Maybe he wants to keep options open if an occasion presents itself and you both are turned on by a guy and want to play with him. OR, maybe he wants 100% open - that you both are free to have sex with others - both alone and/or together. You need to have the discussion...and THEN you have to be honest with him about how you feel and if you'd be comfortable with it.
Oh, and if you DO accept the idea, then it's critical that you both set groundrules: Safe sex, consent of the other partner before playing, that YOUR sex lives have to be active and fulfilling before other's are involved, no emotional contact (ie: no flowers, gifts, emails, phone calls from past tricks, etc.).
Are these rules a guarantee that things will work out? NO WAY. But, they are critical to a successful "open" relationship. Why do i say this? Because my prior 10-year LTR was open from the outset and we had our "rules." But in the end, myex fell in love with a "trick" and kept it a secret from me for 2 years before we broke up. I took my portion of the blame because i agreed to being "open" and he took his blame for breaking the rules and not working on our LTR....but that's just another of life's lessons.
Let us know how things progress!
The bottom line is: If both of you aren't 100% comfortable with the idea - it will eventually cause the end of your LTR.
As i stated above, you DO have an opportunity to have an adult conversation about being "open." Maybe he wants the occasional 3-way with you. Maybe he wants to keep options open if an occasion presents itself and you both are turned on by a guy and want to play with him. OR, maybe he wants 100% open - that you both are free to have sex with others - both alone and/or together. You need to have the discussion...and THEN you have to be honest with him about how you feel and if you'd be comfortable with it.
Oh, and if you DO accept the idea, then it's critical that you both set groundrules: Safe sex, consent of the other partner before playing, that YOUR sex lives have to be active and fulfilling before other's are involved, no emotional contact (ie: no flowers, gifts, emails, phone calls from past tricks, etc.).
Are these rules a guarantee that things will work out? NO WAY. But, they are critical to a successful "open" relationship. Why do i say this? Because my prior 10-year LTR was open from the outset and we had our "rules." But in the end, myex fell in love with a "trick" and kept it a secret from me for 2 years before we broke up. I took my portion of the blame because i agreed to being "open" and he took his blame for breaking the rules and not working on our LTR....but that's just another of life's lessons.
Let us know how things progress!