Need some helpful advice...

[zeon]

herllo Ken,
First thing first BEING GAY IS NOT A CRIME... It is a walk of life and to be honest i can understand how religious influences can affect someones welfare and well being which is something that should be set aside. If you came out as gay and your family were true christians they would accept and love you for you no matter what because apparently the bible states to love one another equal... It preaches about love and peace but yet it preaches being gay is wrong???? Well bollocks to the book to be honest you do what you feel inside is needed..

When mother nature developed you into this world she had plans and her plans were that by the sounds of it you are destined to be gay... You dont want to live surely all your life and find that you wasted years you cant get back? If your not ready to come out yet wait until you move and have your own place and then reveal and if it hurts them shocks them or conflicts with their beliefs.... Tough shit mister you have one life and the most important person in your life is YOU...

If people want to know why your gay... Ask them why they are straight... If they say because i love women you reply well there you go.. Im gay because i love men and if they start saying well you choose to be gay and be with a man u can say u choose to be hetrosexual and sleep with a woman... So many ways to twist things and basically say you sleep with a man and ill sleep with a woman hows that sound? Trust me ive used this on my brother when he questioned me on my sexuality...

I think also if you do meet a guy you feel for dont be scared to show affection because to be honest its the 21st century and here in the UK the goverment are going against the wishes of the church and allowing gays to get married in a church..... BRILLIANT!

Put that in your pipe vicar and bloody smoke it!

[Ken051]

Gizzie thank you I am glad I found a sanctuary in these odd times.

Zeon, really its just a matter of my family I know for a fact my friends will accept me for being gay, thanks to my friend who came out in high school. I am so glad he did. He is dating a wonderful man, they are in love I am so glad for him and his bf. Which speaking of them I need to text him see how he is doing. In the US i think there are only 5 states that have made gay marriage legal. if I do find that man I want to marry I dont want to be married in a church i want a nice outdoor wedding on the coast of Cali.... Still by a minster of course. Speaking of smoking i am going to go smoke a cig right now...

[Ken051]

Update Time
So since I posted this and came out to my friend ( which now we've had deeper conversations) I've been self evaluating. In every mask that I have created I have used a part of my true self to make the mask real and more believable. So what I started doing I would take a mask break it down and find that true piece. Now I have begun to see my real self, me, Ken. The only downside to doing this is that with the masks I had a filter. I am seeing the world in a new light, and I really have to think before I say. That or watch the caffeine. So thats where I am now. Developing from the ground up.

[LateBloomer]

Update Time
So since I posted this and came out to my friend ( which now we've had deeper conversations) I've been self evaluating. In every mask that I have created I have used a part of my true self to make the mask real and more believable. So what I started doing I would take a mask break it down and find that true piece. Now I have begun to see my real self, me, Ken. The only downside to doing this is that with the masks I had a filter. I am seeing the world in a new light, and I really have to think before I say. That or watch the caffeine. So thats where I am now. Developing from the ground up.

Every day is a new day.
For ALL of us.

Good luck.

[Ken051]

It feels like my true self is very fragile I used it one day and it broke on me. I freaked out and shut down (Ironically on Easter night), so the first thing I subconsciously did was reach for a mask. It scared the shit out of me (sorry for the language). I tried to get the mask off the next day, and all I found was black, nothing. So one more sleepless night to find a light. I found it and started all over again. It took so much out of me I am just scared the longer I sit with these masks on they will become me and I become the one thing that I fear the most a fake. I dont know what to do anymore, only 2 people know about my confusion and they are being so supportive but i dont know. Everything inside me is screaming from exhaustion, pain and the call to rebuild, just to be close to who I am without the masks on, but i can't due to this withholding town. I am running on fumes at this point. I'm thinking about heading down to SF for a weekend just to see the city again, or even Reno.