Since when did Gay mean unhappy?

[Winters707]

I came out about two years ago to my close friends and family but I feel anything but relieved. Before I always worried that they knew, now all I worry about is they will treat me when I actually do something gay like go out on a date with a guy. All they keep saying is they think im not really gay like they're in denial or something but I know I am. Since I never really talk about it or have anyone gay in my life it's still like I didn't come out. I still wonder who else knows I'm gay and how they would treat me if they knew. I just dont feel comfortable in my own skin at all and it stops me from functioning. I just don't know what to do it feels like im barely existing. So what i'm saying is how do I feel comfortable in my own skin? I know it sounds like a dumb thing to ask but i'm being pulled in two directions and it's driving me crazy.

[Dan1980]

Hi winters707. I felt the same when I came out. Everything will fall into place as time goes on. Talking to a friend will help. My family kept telling that I wasn't gay but in the end they accepted it. You will feel comfortable in your own skin. It takes time.

[pellaz]

... Before I always worried that they knew, now all I worry about is they will treat me when I actually do something gay like go out on a date with a guy. All they keep saying is they think im not really gay ...

You spent a life time to determine who you are. Dont expect the family to come on board as fast as necessary. Round up some reading material, maybe a youtube video, whatever. Talk to your family what it means to be gay, un likely they understand. Tell them you are the same person since you came out but you would appreciate their support.

[dfiant]

Stop placing so much importance on your sexuality, it is only a small part of who you are.

[OrphanPip]

Well coming out is a lifelong process anyway, it just gets easier with time as you care less what other people think and get more confident about yourself. You should try and built a network of supportive friends though, if you feel like the current group of people you are around can't let you be who you want to be, expand your group.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Hi there!

Ever hear of the Five Stages of Grief? It is also called the Kübler-Ross model:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%C3%BCbler-Ross_model

The stages:
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance

While the 5 stages are mostly applied to death and dying, these actually apply to any 'shocking' change in our world order. Lost/Losing a job - 5 stages rush in. Breaking up with your SO? % stages rush in. Someone comes out gay to you - 5 Stages. Car is stolen 5 stages...

Granted the magnitude and how long we go through each stage varies from circumstance to circumstance, we all do this line dance.

Maybe not in the order of appearance, thus anger may be the first response, or bargaining (You just haven't met the right girl yet) or depression...

Your friends are going through the process toward acceptance. So yes, Denial will be there - bargaining with you (Oh just find that right girl)... Anger may be the first response.

Understand that up until you opened your mouth they most likely thought you were straight. If you are a so called 'straight acting' person, you not only have shaken their understanding of you, but most likely have hit a hard blow at their myth-conceptions of what being 'gay' is. No one likes their world view to be up-turned, we need a period of adjustment.

The closer they are to you the more they may react.

For instance Parents are usually the hardest ones to reach acceptance but remember, from before you were born they were building up this internal world of what your life would be, which due to the pressures of society and their own internal programming would be a straight life, you getting married, having kids, that house, that perfect job, blah.

Coming out 'gay' to them makes them have to rethink a lifetime of notions they had about their children.

It all swings back to the 5 stages, folk need time to process.

Give it time.

[Rainbowmum]

Try self acceptance.
You are much more than your sexuality.
Stop identifying yourself through it.

[monk]

And remember, heterosexuality is no guarantee of happiness either.