How to feel happy when you are not.

[Alwaysconfused]

Alright so my heart has been broken twice by two guys that I thought actually cared. But as my luck has it they ran off without a word after about 2 months (I wasn't dating them together, this was at different times.). So after the second on I had two terrible dates and then decided to say fuck it, I'm done with dating, I'm done with men. So Here I am four months later. Still single and alone by choice.

But I hate it now, because while my BFF was here visiting me I actually gone out to places and saw a hell of a lot of CUTE BOYS. Of course one guy never texted me when I gave him his number but I did not care. Then I met a guy at a club and he was super sweet and totally lead me on, then just told me the other night that he cannot be in a relationship because of his job and that he is mentally unstable and ready for one. This kind of hurt me, I thought hey! cute guy and sweet, maybe he could take me out of my rut. But I was wrong, now I'm not saying that being friends is bad it is just that I was hoping for something more.

I've been lonely and single for a while, I never had a real relationship, I only dated two guys and they each lasted about a month. I'm only 24, I know I am young and have plenty of time to fall in love but I've done it all. I fooled around a lot in college, and a little bit after, but I'm just tired of the same old SHIT everyday. All I do is work, come home, work on my writing, watch movies and then sleep to do it all over again. I know it is my fault that I am not meeting people but I have no real friends, not from work because they are all kind of ghetto or I just do not see them enough to be able to become friends.

Is there any advice you guys can give me in meeting guys and making friends and just learning to be happy. I feel happy at times but then I get depress because I know when I wake up I have no one to talk to. No guy to say lets have lunch or I can't wait to see you tonight. I miss those things. I'm a hopeless romantic and I just want to fall in love and be happy with a guy that won't run off on me in 2 months, someone I can text/call for anything, some thing to look forward to or to wake up next to. I just do not know what to do anymore with my life. I'm so over it and tired of the same crap.

[Dan1980]

Hi alwaysconfused to make friends you can always join some clubs you said you like writing you could always join a writing group. Groups are a good place to meet people. Also so you could try volunteer work if you have the time. I am a volunteer and meet a few friends. To find a date you could try on line dating it work some times a friend of mine meet his boyfriend on line and they have been dating for a couple of years. I am a firm believer that everyone some day will find there true love. Just sometimes it can take a while. By the way what kind of writing do you do?

[brybry87]

Hey Alwaysconfused,

I'm actually on the same boat as you are. I work pretty much everyday, all my best friends live faraway, so I don't really have friends nearby that I can hang out with.

I've also met guys in the past who I thought was 'the one'. They said all the right things and all that, but they just lead me on to get what they wanted.

All I can say is don't let that phase you, don't think that there's something wrong with you, when in reality it's probably them who's 'in the wrong'. As for the lack of friends and significant-other, you can't really force those things to happen, friends and relationships happen with time, you just gotta learn to be happy with yourself. Gotta find an outlet or hobby to keep yourself occupied, and who knows maybe you'll end up finding friends and making connections who share the same interests as you.

Good Luck..! :]

[pellaz]

... cute guy and sweet, maybe he could take me out of my rut. But I was wrong ...

even if your married dont count on this changing your life. You should love your self before getting in to the ltr of your dreams other wise it will be a setup for a fail. Sorry/ serious.


same stuff but worth repeating maybe:
-widen you criteria
-stay out there by what ever means, you can meet your husband at the super market or be his one night trick.
-gay men are like 3-8% of the population. We dont any longer wear pink and Prada so we are difficult to find.
-the sole mate concept is impossible. Nice if it could happen.
-maybe your husband will love you deeply but not be your activity mate. He may not like to go to the gym and you may not like the theater.
-for some, maybe most, life has been different if your gay. We harbor lots of resentment and self hate.


a little dark history that i am not proud to own:
-my partner and i met, i was still in a straight marriage. How may gay boys would do that?
-my partner left me for about 6mo while i got the divorce
-we got back together the second time and he punched me in face because he was frustrated with me. I ignored his "i am soooo sorry" emails and texts for about a week but we got back together.

[minhthien94]

Life is not always perfect.

bad memories is not always bad. they make u be more preciate the good moment. good things will happen.

besides, if u want to be happy, hang out with your friends, do some activities (sports,...). just enjoy the moment is the best.

Don't stress out about the perfect mate. U'll find him just in time

By the way, i can be your friend on this website if u want to :biggrin:

[Bowyn Aerrow]

As to your first question: How to feel happy when you are not.

They have drugs for that, Meth, Coke, Heroin, Pot - Alcohol if you want to keep it legal.

Granted these are false happys (I called meth sunshine in a baggy), but then you are looking to escape your true feelings so false is about all you got going for you.

Sadness is as much a part of life as happiness. Get used to it, both are (for average folk) poured out in about equal measure.

You are sad because you have reasons to be sad. Sadness is like pain, it serves purposes. Like pain, sadness gets you to stop certain behaviors and actions. Like pain, sadness causes you to stop and rest and 'heal'.

I'm only 24, I know I am young and have plenty of time to fall in love but I've done it all. I fooled around a lot in college, and a little bit after, but I'm just tired of the same old SHIT everyday. All I do is work, come home, work on my writing, watch movies and then sleep to do it all over again. I know it is my fault that I am not meeting people but I have no real friends, not from work because they are all kind of ghetto or I just do not see them enough to be able to become friends.

No you haven't done it all. Well maybe you have, lets see - have you been whipped? Have you whipped someone else? Got a safe-word? Did Fisting, receiving and giving? Ever take half a traffic cone up your arse? Every see a man get fucked by a real horse AFTER he attempted to swallow the whole horse dong? Do you understand what fun can be had with 5 point restraint - scratch that, I mean SIX point restraints. Scat? Golden showers? Daisy ring? Sex in a pool (compared to the others that pretty vanilla)? Sex while riding horseback?

If you said no to one or more of the above, then no you haven't 'done it all'.

Work, home, eat, shower, bed, work, home, eat shower, bed... Sounds like a normal, healthy life... Trust me, being gay isn't all parties, drugs, and sex - there are things call 'responsibility' that you need to attend too.

But.. But, BUTT - And its a big one ain't it?

You are making choices every day of your life. You CHOOSE to do the old home/sleep/work/home routine. Seriously don't they give you days off? If not, hey kick me down some money man I's hurt'n here. :tongue:

Everybody at work is kinda ghetto... :o What are you a racist/bigot of some sort????

Seems to me that somebody is reducing their world of bright, shiny, clever human beings by labeling whole groups and stuffing them in the 'Do Not Touch' box. The more people you shove into that box, the less people you have a chance to make a friend with. Or for that matter make a relationship with.

I say that right now what you need most is your lonely time - you need to savor it, enjoy it and learn to live with the man in the mirror. - That is the most interesting and ofttimes most painful person to live with. Get use to him, you are spending your whole life with him (76 years, three months, 2 days, and about 8 hours left - Crystal ball told me).

Having a partner will NOT make you happy if you are unhappy with yourself. Having a partner is not about YOUR happiness - it's about your partner's happiness (Thus I suspect the failure to launch into a long term relationship).

If you want to be happy do those things you like to do and share them with other people - Yes Share them with the folk at work who are 'kinda ghetto'.

And I don't mean sex - I mean other interests - reading, biking, hiking, gardening, World of Warcraft - HALO - what ever floats your boat as a hobby or interest.

And at work is the best place to start that, you spend at least 8 hours a day with these people....

Which makes you kinda ghetto too.