I need advice...

[Anonymous]

I'm madly in love with a guy that I've only known for a while, and I have no idea how he feels about me. A couple of days ago, we were at a party, both drunk. There was this moment of tenderness between us, and we kissed. The next day, even though I texted him just to say "Hi", I heard absolutely nothing from him. It was as if he was ignoring me. The day after that, yesterday, he came by my house to come get something from me. He was friendly enough, we hugged as a greeting. There was very little, very platonic conversation, and when I asked about his silence the previous day, he waved it off as him not being in the mood for people. I told him I understood, and as soon as he had what he came for, he left. Later that day, in a moment of extreme desperation, a little depression at him being so aloof, and most likely a lot of stupidity, I texted him and told him how I feel. I poured my heart out to him, asked him if he could possibly feel the same way. I waited for him to text me back, but he didn't. I thought that maybe my text hadn't gone through. This morning, however, there was still no reply. I texted him "good morning", to see if he'd reply to that. Nothing. It's late afternoon now, and I've sent him another "hi", in hopes that he'll reply, but there's still silence from his end.

I need advice. Reassurance. Anything. Did I scare him off? Does he not like me? If so, what was that kiss all about? Did I mess up by texting him?

I've thought of calling him, but I can't get myself to dial his number. I've wanted to text him again and again, but I don't want to aggravate him. I just want him to contact me, tell me how things stand. I'm at my nerves' end.

[Watermark]

Texitng too many times is sure way to drive people off (note: I dont think you have texted too mnay times yet). Personally I would call him once and if he doesnt pick up or return missed call leave it for now and give him time to think.

[pellaz]

...
Did I scare him off?
Does he not like me? If so,
what was that kiss all about?
Did I mess up by texting him?
I've thought of calling him,
I've wanted to text him again
I just want him to contact me

He is avoiding you for a reason, maybe he is married or just busy
you even know his name?
you were both drunk for the kiss
dont call him
wait a few days, like late Sunday afternoon, text him than

at some point soon give up.

[nonsequitur]

Think you should really lay off the texting. Give him sometime and space. Guy is probably a bit confused if he is still not sure which team he bats for. You need to practice patience. Remember this saying "Good things come to those who wait". I know it is easier said than done but remember this, you could easily drive him away with your persistent. Wish you luck.

I'm madly in love with a guy that I've only known for a while, and I have no idea how he feels about me. A couple of days ago, we were at a party, both drunk. There was this moment of tenderness between us, and we kissed. The next day, even though I texted him just to say "Hi", I heard absolutely nothing from him. It was as if he was ignoring me. The day after that, yesterday, he came by my house to come get something from me. He was friendly enough, we hugged as a greeting. There was very little, very platonic conversation, and when I asked about his silence the previous day, he waved it off as him not being in the mood for people. I told him I understood, and as soon as he had what he came for, he left. Later that day, in a moment of extreme desperation, a little depression at him being so aloof, and most likely a lot of stupidity, I texted him and told him how I feel. I poured my heart out to him, asked him if he could possibly feel the same way. I waited for him to text me back, but he didn't. I thought that maybe my text hadn't gone through. This morning, however, there was still no reply. I texted him "good morning", to see if he'd reply to that. Nothing. It's late afternoon now, and I've sent him another "hi", in hopes that he'll reply, but there's still silence from his end.

I need advice. Reassurance. Anything. Did I scare him off? Does he not like me? If so, what was that kiss all about? Did I mess up by texting him?

I've thought of calling him, but I can't get myself to dial his number. I've wanted to text him again and again, but I don't want to aggravate him. I just want him to contact me, tell me how things stand. I'm at my nerves' end.

[Nick9]

RELAX!

You didn't say how old you two were or if he is gay. How had he behaved before this party? Were you friends? Was there anything that could tell you that he was interested?

Even straight guy can kiss you after drinking some (and I don't mean a lot) alcohol. That unfortunately doesn't mean that he likes you.
Stop texting him, four texts is enough. Wait and if he doesn't respond, try to accept it. Do you two see each other at work or at school?

Maybe all he needs is time to think. Don't rush him. It's not a chase I know it's hard. But if he hasn't responded to four texts, he won't respond to twenty. At least not positively...

Good luck

[ceez]

I would just wait for now, he could have been curious or in the closet. either way if he needed liquid courage to make his move then he might not admit to it so easily and push himself further away.

[Anonymous]

Original Poster here. It seems I need to provide a bit more info...

He's not married. He's definitely single. I'm 22 and he's 24.

What I meant when I said that we'd only known each other for a while, was that we'd only met face-to-face about a week ago. We'd been chatting on Facebook for quite a while before that. So no, it wasn't a swift encounter.

Also, he is most definitely, without a doubt, gay. He said so himself. And a lot of our conversation on the night of the party was about when we came out, when we first knew, and so forth.

[pellaz]

wait a bit, Sunday afternoon is a good time, better than most, text him call. All he can say is something ugly f-off thing. but you will not reciprocate.

there are guys wanting it more out there

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Both at a party and both drunk...

Alcohol is not our friend.

It lowers IQ and makes us do stupid things we normally wouldn't do such as kiss a person who is a virtual stranger that you wanted to get to know first, thus sending the wrong message that you are really interested in whatever, when the truth is you just wanted to go slowly and let things develop. (As one example).

Texting - a very stupid 21st century replacement for social interaction.

We humans do not communicate just by words printed on a screen.
Right now if we were face to face you would see my face looking kind of like Walter:

What does that convey to you? Much more than my words can convey my disappointment over the whole idea of sending text messages when one is discussing something as important as the heart.

Further you lose out on body language, such as the Church lady conveying much not only in the face but that finger tells you volumes.



Written word loses its "voice".

Even if you were writing it like a book (He said stoically, happily, sadly, etc), you still can't fathom every single nuance that face to face conversation conveys.

So Mr. Texter, what exactly did you say to him with your txtd skrpt? LOL, , OMG, WTF? (yes even raising a single eyebrow conveys a great deal of data).

Did you really open up your heart in a way he could see and fully understand? Did he get to hear the minor stresses of your voice, see the downward cast of your eyes when saying something profound? Nope - he missed out on the millions of tiny ways we humans communicate, thus most likely doesn't really understand - I mean fully understand what you said.

I have often been shocked to learn that someone will read an innocent (and what I actually thought to be brilliantly witty) sentence of mine and take it the very wrong way. We all tend to read with a "voice" in our head. I tend to read people talking in a quiet, good natured voice - thus I miss (often) the anger and horror they actually feel. Others read the same words with sadness, or fear, or a voice of anger.... They take from the words a different meaning because we put a "voice" to written words attempting to get the same full psychological impact of hearing vocal tones, reading body language, etc.

Let him stew on what you have said thus far. Stop texting him (Sheesh give the thumbs a rest) and wait a few days, then call him (Its called a cell phone, not a cell typewriter) and ask if he would like to go out for coffee (not more alcohol, big mistake drinking is huge mistake). Then just talk - not with just your mouth, but your whole body.

Not only will he 'hear' you on every level, you will also be able to see his reactions. Your gut will tell you what he is thinking based on lots of 'tells'.

[Dan1980]

Wait a couple of more days then text him again. Hope it all goes well in the end.