I don't know what to do anymore .....

[TyTy]

Thank you everyone for your advice, I got some stuff to figure out and some BIG changes in my life!
Here's to being a more positive and happier person, who needs to treat his friends with love and care.
Because you have to give to receive .... and maybe drink a little less .
Love from ttan

[Mrmatty376]

Awww, I don't know what to say, but if I could do anything, I'd give you a hug. And I'm sorry, but a virtual one will have to suffice. *Hugs TyTy* lol

[fenris]

why do you not simply excuse yourself ? And if face to face not possible, tell them what you have to say by mail or letter.

[zeon]

Hello,
Firstly id like to ask why you have hatred for yourself??? Is it to do with your sexuality?? Have you done something which you feel guilty for?? Or is it a little while lie told many moons ago?? Whatever it is learn to forgive yourself and if it is to do with your sexuality.. Dont hate yourself for it ya silly sod... Being gay is a gift and one we as people celebrate everyday by being ourselves like hetrosexual people do by being themselves...
I am sorry to hear the news of your nans passing... Dont allow this to haunt you for your life... I can understand deaths can be hard to move on from however as a spiritual belief inside I know when my great grandparents died and i watched them take their last breathes I knew that their loved ones were standing the other side of their death bed waiting for them to come over.. You need to understand that she is now in what i may say the safest place on earth.. She may not want to see her grandson behaving like this and all the time you remember her for how she was... Shes still there beside you and hasnt gone away and never will do..
Now with regards to your heart being broken there is a saying.... Time is the greatest healer... This may appear a load of bollocks mister however it is true and how long it takes is how long you allow it to take.. For whatever reason that your heart was broken you need to understand that in life... If something is ment to be it will be... Like for example if your ment to win $1,000,000 on a lottery scratchcard you will do.. However if it was a relationship and something bad happenned to break ya heart remember that karma has defined Justice... Ill give you an example.. My ex who i split up with 5 months ago now was heavily into drink from time to time after 6 and half years together... One night he developed feelings for another man and I found out he had been taking drugs so i tore up our relationship and tore up a lot of things as I will not accept drugs under my roof!.. This guy he has fallen for is now treating him the way he treated me and despite inside saying I want to jump in rescue him and help its cruel to be kind so i leave him be... With the guy who broke your heart if it was in that manner mister he will get justice done to him.. If it was a bad thing done... If it was mutual for example he fell out of love then as long as he was honest and took relivant steps im sure he can be forgiven..

Ok drinking is next on your adgenda... Drink is a poison which is something that can bring someone already depressed down to a worse state of mind... It isnt a solution NOR is it a friend it is ment to be consumed on high spirits and in moderation.. I would suggest if your drinking more than say 6 units of alcohol a day you cut right down to maybe 4.. Ensure before you drink that you do not do it on an empty stomach so maybe have a sandwich before drinking so it is lined in your stomach ready to soak up some of the alcohol.. This will help stop you drinking excessively and after 4 units consumed if your out in town go onto soft drinks for a little while to give your body a clean flush inside.. I once heard a saying from a TV series here known as Benidorm "EVERYONE LIKES A DRINK BUT NO ONE LIKES A DRUNK". To be honest this is something I personally would agree with on the basis and grounds that society is quick enough to critise homeless people who drink a nice can of special brew and make a mess of themselves in a never ending pit of sorrow, however it is never the answer as when drunk you project your true feelings onto others...
Now your friend of 15 years is someone in your life not worth going mad at and I suggest to you that maybe contacting him at the earliest oppetunity is a wise thing because he firstly deserves at least an apology and explain to him TRUTHFULLY some crap you feel you need help with and ask him to help you.. Dont be frightened to ask for help because it isnt a sign of weakness.. A sign of weakness is when a man isnt a man but only a boy and would rather sit in his own shit than ask for help where neeeded.. The reasons you cannot handle your feelings is because yet again when drunk alcohol causes various issues and if possible be aware when your pissed as a newt point is, as you approach it stop drinking and have soft drinks...
You say that you break down on drink and fight as its the only way you know how to handle your feelings.... Well listen to Aunty because aunty has one word in this topic. Without causing offence i am only going to say... BOLLOCKS! You mister inside have the ability to control yourself or allow yourself to go at any given point when drinking.. If your becoming irrational on drink and behaving the way you are then I suggest you only consume 4 units each time maximum and spend the rest of the night on soft drinks... Problems dont go away on drink... You will get your happy life if you put into life what you want to get out of it. Set yourself dreams and targets and goals in life... Picture ten years from now where do you want to be?? I know with me on sharing experience that at the age of 14 I seemed to grow up rapidly into an adult and at 18 i wanted to drive, at 25 i wanted my own mortgage and at 30 I wanted to visit at least one other country besides england, wales and scotland as planned travelling around the UK.. So far I have achieved my driving and mortgage and couldnt have done it if i turned to the pit of despair.. In life you must stay focused on your goals and show the world what you achieved... Three years ago my rented property got repossessed and I spent 15 weeks of my life sleeping out the back of my peugeot 206 in all weathers trying to find a little layby behind a bush where i wouldnt get into trouble with the local police, as it is illegal to sleep in any motorised veichle in the UK... I managed to some how swing it so i can get onto the property ladder and yes this place isnt ideal but its a start as beggers cant be choosers...
Now with regards to your two best friends firstly if your going to continue drinking stupidly mister to the point that your going to offend people then dont bother making ends meet until YOU as an indivudual accept responsibility for your actions and promise yourself that YOU as a human will be decent enough to pick up your phone and give them a call and invite them out for a cuppa in town NO ALCOHOL!!!!!!!!! and talk about things... Explain to them honestly and decently about factors in life and tell them howe bloody sorry you are for the way you been because it is a sign your a true man if you do this and not a coward...

Below I have included some referance for alcohol mis-use..

Alcohol depresses your central nervous system, lowers inhibition, and impairs judgement. Drinking large amounts can lead to a coma and even death. Alcohol influences your brain and leads to a loss of co-ordination, slowed refelxes, distorted vision, memory lapses and blackouts. Teenage bodies are still growing and alcohol hgasd a greater impact on young people's physical and mental well being than an older person...

Short term effects:- Feeling of warmth, flushed skin, impaired judgement, lack of co ordination, slurred speech memory and comprehension loss. Heavy drinking usually results in a hangover, headache, nausea, anxiety, weakness, shakiness and sometimes Vomitting..

Long term effects: Tolerance to many of the unplesant effects and a resulting ability to drink more leads to a deteriorating physical condition that can include liver damange and increase the risk of heart disease. A person can become dependant on alcohol.. Alcohol ABUSE can also lead to violence and conflict in ones personal relationships with friends and family.

I dont mean to be offensive in anything which has been described above but if your taking alcohol to the point its affecting your friendships and those around you you dont want to loose break the cycle and seek some help.. Its ment to be a drink to have a good night on in moderation...

Kindest regards

Aunty Zeon
Gayspeak Agony Aunt

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Alcohol is not your friend.

Some people are happy drunks, some people are angry drunks, you sound like a sad drunk who gets angry at being sad.

Solution: Stop getting drunk.

If you can drink 1-3 alcoholic drinks and not get drunk, then set yourself this reasonable limit. If after the 3rd drink you are 'needing' another - you have a problem. Drinkers want to drink, alcoholics need to drink.

As for your two friends. If they really are your friends you can be certain that an apology will go a long way to smoothing things over.

Grief: There are 5 stages to grief: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%C3%BCbler-Ross_model Sounds to me you are somewhere between the anger and depression phase. Alcohol will not help you to really process through these stages. Time - however will help. Sorry, grief is a nasty business.

If its been over 3 years since grandma passed and you still haven't found acceptance, I strongly suggest you seek out a therapist to work through this.

You got a double punch to the gut with your broken heart on-top of Grief. While the Kübler-Ross model (5 stages of grief) are applied more often to death, the reality is we go through these stages with any loss - be it a lover running away, our car being stolen, a loss of a job, even the mere ending of school can be a grief process.

Since you are hit with two grief episodes this close together, your most likely going to find it more difficult to work through the process on each since you can't spend an hour on one thing then an hour on the next.

Are you generally depressed (even without the recent losses in your life)? If so, don't wait until the three year mark to seek a therapist, get one now.

General depression mixed with grief is a very bad combination, top it off with alcohol and you set yourself on a downward self destructive pattern.

For the record it does get better. Things get better over time. That grief you feel will lessen greatly and you will find the way back to living happily.

[Taharka]

I think you need to apologise to your friends - i know you don't think they'll want to talk to you but you might be surprised if you're honest with them. And i'd stay away from the alcohol. Maybe you could try talking your friends about your problems instead? Sometimes it helps just to have someone to vent to.

[Rawr]

I'm lazy and quite busy so I haven't read any of the other posts on this thread. I'm quite busy with coursework at the minute, so I'm just on a quick break at the minute. Sorry if I repeat something someone else has already mentioned, I hope I'm helpful.

My life for the past 2 years has been such a roller coaster, way more downs then ups. I've still not gotten over my hatred for myself, my nana's passing and my heart being broken.

Sorry to hear about your nana's passing and your heart being broken. Within time you'll feel better. Life is full of ups and downs although we tend to perceive the downs more than the ups. I was going to say there are a substantial amount downs compared to the ups although thinking about it now, I don't believe that to be true. It depends on the way we look at it and I think we're all guilty of being a bit pessimistic now and then.

What do you hate about your self? you don't need to type it here of course, but perhaps type it out for yourself to see. Once you have what you hate on paper you can go through the list and come up with solutions on how to change them for the better. How can you improve yourself to the stage where you look in the mirror and think to your self "hey, that guy is some guy, I really like that guy". They saying knowing is half the battle although I can assure you that knowing, in most cases, is only the tip of the ice berg. I know this, as I do have some self hatred for myself. Though we're both young and we both have enough time to change that.

Just recently this weekend, I got way to drunk and got into a HUGE fight with my 2 friends. One I've known for 15 years and the other one has been there for my through all my hard times. I freaked out at both of them and said horrible things and I don't think they will ever talk to again.

Have you apologised yet? I'm assume that you have. Make a more serious apology so that they know you mean it. Sometimes the word sorry just doesn't cut it. why are you sorry? Tell them what you've done wrong although don't put it in a way which will make them feel sorry for you. Sound strong and admit to your mistakes. If you have enough money I would say offer them lunch. Tell them sorry then. I'm sure this would impress them a lot. If you don't have much money then you could invite them over for dinner.

I get SO sad when I drink and I don't know how to handle my feeling's, so I break down and fight. I really don't mean it, it's just the only way I know how to handle my feelings ...

You do know you don't have to drink right? or perhaps just don't drink as much as you normally do. I tend to get drunk a lot faster in good company, why? because I'm having more fun and even though I don't drink as much I feel a lot more relaxed.

Now it's even worse! I've cried publicly and alone so many times that no ones takes me seriously. But all I want is to have a happy life, its been fucking hell the past couple years ... And I wonder if it will ever get better.

It's not worse, there is nothing wrong with crying if there is a reason to cry. Be more serious and people will take you more seriously. Next time you feel like your going to cry don't be ashamed by it. Tell your self in your mind that you're not going to cry, not to day! Think positively and life will be much better. Perhaps listen to positive music to get you in the mood. Your life will get better and worse in different times, but you want to embrace both the good and the bad so when you get to the end you can look into deaths eyes and say I fucking did it! (sorry for the foul language, it's to add empathsis)

I can't even see my life without my 2 best friends It makes me so sad... What if I just treated them better, not said what I did ... But I guess I cant think like that anymore, since it is done.....

You shouldn't even have to consider treating them better. They're your best friends, you should treat them the best you can and in turn they should treat you the same way.

Well ... I just needed to get that off my chest, I cant let shit like this just burn inside me anymore, thanks for hearing me out ppl. Lots of love

Hope what I said helped although it was all spontainious. I didn't really think, I just wrote so take everything with a pinch of salt. Take a deep breath and relax. You'll be fine, trust me. Hope this is helpful.

[Rainbowmum]

First let me say , that I am so sorry about your grandmother.
Drinking will not fill this void .
Alcohol and drugs are known to be mood changers.
My advice steer clear of them , especially when the make you aggressive.

I would like to know why you drink , when you know the effect it has on you?
You mentioned self hate , this is not something to take lightly and it won't just go away with time.
I really think you should seek some professional help , so you can deal with things .

If you can not accept who you are , then you have a very serious problem .
Alcohol will only make it worse.

Reach out to your friends and apologize and please get some help.