Top vs Bottom

[Jason74]

Okay I am sure that this has been covered over and over again but I don't want to go back and search through it all to look for it so I am just gonna ask why people make such a big deal about who is the top and the bottom? I mean people act like if you are the bottom that you are inferior and weaker than the top which I honestly think is complete bullshit. I think that I am a very masculine guy and when I have been a bottom to other guys I have never felt like I was any less of a person than the guy fucking me.

I have been out of the gay community for awhile and I am just curious if its still the same attitude where the bottom is weaker than the top? I just feel like when I am with a guy that we are both equal and there is no difference between either of us.

What is your personal opinion about this?

[pellaz]

i think its a check box on Grinder.com profile page "are you a top" that makes people go insane on this issue

[Pix]

I'd think that comes from male psychology, where fucking and dominating someone is sometimes seen as the same thing. And what's one of the worst things you can call a guy? Pussy. "Pussy" and various names for gays were what bullied boys at the schools I went to got called the most, and also the words most likely to start a fight. It's rather offensive to me actually, far more than words like "dick" or "cunt." To let a guy fuck you is to give up all self-respect, or at least respect by everyone else who also gets to fuck you once he's done with you, save in very specific circumstances (girls were hit with gay terms far less often than guys, rather we got hit with words like "slut" and "skank" which ironically were about as bad as being gay for a guy), and also that being a pussy (either as a guy or a girl, and of course all girls are pussies automatically in the minds of too many) is just waiting to be conquered and/or dominated (and thus fucked, metaphorically if not literally). A pussy is passive, submissive, whereas the man "wears the pants" (rather than the dress). So I can see why bottoms would be seen that way, because to fuck is to be dominant, to be fucked is to be passive.

I'm not saying I agree with it, I find it stupid. But I can understand why many would assume (as opposed to think) that.

Interesting enough it can be the opposite among lesbians (though I think it's just not thought about anywhere as much as among men) in that a sexual top is much more likely to be the submissive (assuming one is dominant over the other), which is to say that if one is in charge then the one who wears the pants probably submits to the one who wears the dress rather than the other way around. That's not always the case, however, but it seems to me to be even more common (at least in my experience) than the more masculine attitude of the top being the boss (and there seems to be a lot less concern about who's the boss--or who's the sexual top or bottom--than among men, though it can be a very big deal to individual lesbians).

[LateBloomer]

Only speaking for myself, I feel the same as you Jason. I like the give and take. I don't like anything to be "one sided".

That said, I reminded of something a girlfriend told me once in bed. She said, "I like it when you make me feel small," then she paused and tried to correct herself, "...uh, not small, but you know..."

Yeah, I think I knew what she was trying to say. I'm not a big guy, but she was smaller than me. I think she liked to feel my greater weight and size compared to her smaller stature because it underlined my masculinity and her femininity.

Now....that was just US. Not a rule for any straight relationship. But for "man on man" relationships, I think there might be a *similar* dynamic at work--not IDENTICAL, but similar, where the bottom *might* ENJOY feeling more "diminutive"--that doesn't mean WEAK, per se. But he may enjoy the difference in size or position as it emphasizes the top's masculinity.

AGAIN, I'm not into roles either....I like everything even and level.

But I sort of "get it", this top and bottom stuff. I just don't think it's necessarily of statement of "superiority" vs. "inferiority" or "strength" vs. "weakness".

Philosophically, sex is energy, and energy is only transferred when there is something to push (or pull) it along.

[BabyPolarBear]

I thick I like most people like it both ways. :tongue:
But on a more serious note no one likes it just top or bottom strictly and that's it FOREVER
A wonderful quote from a 1800's women lessons on mirage book explains it pretty well
"Because talking of adult relations between you and your husband is unbecoming of a lady we shall use food as a substitute. When it comes to matters of feeding you husband's appetite it is important it feed him well often and a variety of foods or you my very well find him dining nextdoor.

[gayboyindia24]

yes I agree to the point that tops think that they r superior and bottoms r to be fucked n screwd..I am not a pure bottm as such but somewhat close to however I like to be domiantd n like guys being forceful to me but they do to me wen allow them to do so,if I find it that the guy is treating me as m inferior,i tend to show my discomfort during the act sometyms tell it at that tym (like dont do this,i dont like).2-3 tyms it had hppnd that guy was trying to be very dominating n it ended up not having sex...but i cnt loose my self respect 2...But i do fantasise a lot that hot manly guys r raping me one by one somtym double penetration and thrwoing cum on me...but dats just fantasies,I dont think so iwould dat in real lyk

[East]

I never really viewed the bottom as weaker but I do understand the beauty of dominance and submission (not to be confused with S&M...they are quite different)...

...In true dominance and submission which kinda reflects the whole top/bottom dynamic...the yin/yang balance comes into play full tilt boogie...meaning,,,the submissive has all of the power which renders the dominant submissive and therefore the submissive dominant....it's a beautiful thing and everyone is equalmile:

That is how I see the whole thing. If someone saw me as less than because I bottomed I would push them off of me as fast as I could and take a shower to get their stench off of me...seriously...I know because I did just that the one time it happened...

[Watermark]

Im top but I don't feel superior nor do I feel that my partner is any weaker.

[Jason74]

I think perhaps that attitude about the top being stronger and more dominant than the bottom is something of the past and not so much these days. I think its great that its slowly changing but it is changing :tongue:

[mrk2010]

Okay I am sure that this has been covered over and over again but I don't want to go back and search through it all to look for it so I am just gonna ask why people make such a big deal about who is the top and the bottom? I mean people act like if you are the bottom that you are inferior and weaker than the top which I honestly think is complete bullshit. I think that I am a very masculine guy and when I have been a bottom to other guys I have never felt like I was any less of a person than the guy fucking me.

I have been out of the gay community for awhile and I am just curious if its still the same attitude where the bottom is weaker than the top? I just feel like when I am with a guy that we are both equal and there is no difference between either of us.

What is your personal opinion about this?

Personally I don't think bottoms are inferior in any way, it takes two to have sex (usually) you have to respect the partner you are with because after all the the bottom decides whether you get to have the keys to the magic kingdom so to speak. I think once guys see them selves as 'superior' they lose respect for their partner and that's when things go downhill. Personally I'm versatile, it's the best of both worlds and it stops things from getting boring. So the moral of the story is respect is key. :-)