When to tell your date/partner you're a TS

[spencer]

So, now that I'm in a place where no one knows I'm trans unless I actually tell them I'm havnig a bit of dilemma. I'm having issues deciding if it would be best to tell dates upfront that I wasn't born male, or if I should wait, let them get to know me first, and then tell them. I'm having issues weighing the pro's and con's of each side.

If I tell them first, I know immediately whether or not there a person I could have a potential relationship and don't have to waste my time.

On the other hand if I wait, that might allow them to first see me as a PERSON and then after knowing me I may have better luck.

I was immediately told after coming out as a gay-trans to one of my friend's that I would never find a date because gay guys won't like me and even though that was several years ago it's still stuck and I'm paranoid and very unsure of the which route to take. My usual solution to this is to just date bi-guys or other trans guys but I'd rather not limit myself to who I date.

[zeon]

Hello,
I would recommend maybe being hopnest and upfront with your dates because then there is no lies from the beginning its a meaning as to go on and dont worry your not on your own as a trans person on the planet... There are loads of em in life and if someone loves you for you.... They wont care i mean you can always ask them what their opion is on trans people and see how it goes

Kindest regards

Aunty Zeon x

[dfiant]

I can't say that I understand your feeling from your point of view, however I empathise with you. I can't advise you on what you should do, but if I was on a date with a TS I would like to know and chat about it during the course of a first date.

It may or may not influence my my thoughts on a potential relationship, I just don't know. All I know is if something important like that was kept from me it would create a trust issue, and I am not a very willing person to give my trust, it must be earned.

[princealbertofb]

Spencer have you had the operation then? Are you sure you want to be with a gay guy and not just with any guy? You are a female to male person, right?
You would date other trans guys, meaning another female to male person?

[princealbertofb]

Another question I have is what are your attractive features, as a person? I mean physical and character features? Good looking pecs? Sense of humour? Gentleness?

[Nick9]

Are you sure you want to be with a gay guy and not just with any guy?

Hmmm, PA that sort of sounds like Are you sure you are gay? Why wouldn't he be sure? Why would he wanted to be with a straight guy?

[princealbertofb]

Nick, Spencer only mentioned that gay guys stayed clear of transsexuals usually, so there must be a reason. I've heard of other cases of gender confusion and it adds a dimension to the complexity of the human heart when transsexuals change sexes but are attracted to the ''new'' same sex.
I'm just trying to get to the bottom of things, so I can understand how Spencer thinks about himself.
I can fairly easily grasp a male to female transsexual who thinks she's a woman and who wants to find herself a man, not necessarily a gay man (although that type of case also exists)...

[Nick9]

Nick, Spencer only mentioned that gay guys stayed clear of transsexuals usually, so there must be a reason.

Okay. I admit I didn't noticed this.

I can fairly easily grasp a male to female transsexual who thinks she's a woman and who wants to find herself a man, not necessarily a gay man (although that type of case also exists)...

Now you have confused me again, though. Why would TS MtF wanted to date gay guy?
Just asking, no harm intended, really.

[princealbertofb]

Well precisely, Nick, it adds to the complexity of things... It's to do with self sense of gender and sexual orientation, which are, apparently, two quite distinct things, in that respect.
A variety of combinations is possible and any combination could occur.

[Nick9]

Well precisely, Nick, it adds to the complexity of things... It's to do with self sense of gender and sexual orientation, which are, apparently, two quite distinct things, in that respect.
A variety of combinations is possible and any combination could occur.

Thanks, I would expect TG having those doubts, but not TS. It would be interesting to know Spencer's opinion