Is my boyfriend gay, bisexual, experimenting?

[poprockpop]

Is my boyfriend gay, bisexual, experimenting?
I've already done a lot of research on this, and a lot of people say it's completely normal to experiment but there are also a few who say it's definitely gay.

So, I've been dating this guy for about 7 months now. A few months ago I read through his fb messages (I know, bad right), and found that he had messaged someone about being bicurious, but still avidly interested in girls. He also had a very explicit conversation with another guy and the message indicated that they had hooked up. This was all before we met but I still broke up with him over it and he didn't speak to me for weeks. We got back together though and he told me he was a victim of incestual rape when he was little. Later on, I found out he hooked up with a guy while we were broken up and had gone to gay bars. I confronted him about it and he explained the childhood rape incident and that he wanted to experiment but didn't like it and is still in love with me and could never ever see himself marrying a guy or having a relationship with one.

It's hard to trust him when he says that with all the experimenting he's done. Also, I sometimes have doubt in his rape story, which I feel awful about since that's such a personal and painful topic. It's just that he hid the entire experimentation thing from me in the first place (he thought it'd scare me off) and he has lied to me on one other occasion (nothing to do with this but it was an important lie to me). Also, he likes to tell exaggerated stories about nothing important but just stuff to make it seem richer than he is (an immaturity thing). Still, he knows how to lie/exaggerate when he wants to. I know a lot of people will say he's definitely gay, but is there a chance he really was just experimenting? It'd be really helpful to hear from someone who has experimented or someone who is gay.

Thanks!

[Rainbowmum]

( I apologize in advance ,if my opinion or directness offends anyone , it is not intended to do so.)

Hello poprockpop , first let me say ,welcome to G.S.

No one here will be able to tell you if he is gay or not.
He is the only one that knows for sure if he is , or isn't.

Some of the things I read really disturbed and alarmed me , It seems that you have much more to overcome than his past.
I know you are feeling insecure about things , however that is no excuse for invading your partners privacy and past.

I would be more concerned about the lack of trust in your relationship.
What he did before being with you, and with whom he did it , is none of your business.
It's in the past , leave it there.

If you cannot accept your boyfriend for who he is ,and view him as an exaggerated liar, why are you still in that relationship?

Have you told him everything about your past ?
As for him being a victim of incest rape , give me one good reason why he would make such a traumatizing lie up?

Just because he has lied in the past does not mean he will lie about everything.

When you enter into a relationship you must have trust , if you don't , the relationship will fail.

[pellaz]

welcome to gs

all bets are off while you two are not together or before you to were together. I think the cat is out of the bat now and the trust, respect communication thing is broken.

[dfiant]

Mum says pretty exactly what I would have said.

If you don't trust him, why hang around?

[monk]

When you enter into a relationship you must have trust , if you don't , the relationship will fail.

Also, once that trust is broken it's very, very hard to mend it.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

[BobInTampa]

I also must ask for forgiveness in what i'm about to write if it offends anyone - it's not intended to offend, it's my opinion.

100% men don't cruise for gay sex, talk with bi/gay men about sex or have sex with bi/gay men. This isn't something that "just" started to happen - so while you found 1 or 2 incidents of his involvment with men, that's probably just the tip of the iceberg.

Str8 men don't go to gay bars to "experiment" - the only time str8 guys go to gay bars is: 1) To work as dancers or bartenders and 2) to find str8 women who go to gay bars because the music's better and they aren't harassed by grabby guys.

Ok, all that said, it's pretty clear that you don't trust him - and so i would NOT stay together. Remember, if he's a closeted gay man, having a girlfriend is the BEST cover!

You can't "force" him out of the closet, but you're providing him cover by staying with him.

ALSO, you didn't talk about sex. PLEASE tell me that if you did or ARE having sex with him that you're using protection. If he's had sex with men, you really do need to be mindful!

Please move on!

[avidcyclistMTB]

Seems so far the consensus is in tune with where I'm at on this one. It's a trust issue not a gay/strait/bi/experimenting issue.

If you are determined to have another go with him you have to reconcile yourself with the distrust and resolve it in your heart either by directly confronting him with it or coming to peace with it yourself somehow.

Be careful though if he's been out there with other sex partners of either gender. Protect yourself!

Good luck.