Off For Second Surgery

[mrk2010]

Right this is going to be a somewhat controversial thing to say but being an ex fatty and honorary lard arse I'm allowed to say it. Firstly I don't think anyone assumed you had a "rapid weightloss", and that it was easy it is the fact it is a lot of weight to lose and I'm sorry in the grand scale of things 5 years is a relatively short period of time out of your life, Christ I've completed my degree in that time. Secondly I think you are still in a mindset of what I call "the fatty mindset", although you are writing I'm not a victim and I am stronger you don't need to keep clarifying this, you don't need to explain your self to anyone I just think its a bit much. I'm sorry but when I lost about 5 stone I didn't run around thinking "oh I'm gonna have stretch marks". I thought of all the positive aspects, like being able to go out and buy shit expensive clothes. Just enjoy yourself man! :-) there might be times where I do doubt myself like wearing some shorts at the swimming pool, but then my friends remind me that I look shit hot. I just find it quite curious that you have the same mentality I did all those years ago, although I got out of it relatively quick as I was more concerned with which ted baker or Armani t shirt I was going to buy next. Also mate there is nothing from stopping you from dating, just do it and don't isolate yourself, I never thought aid meet guys for a quick shag online but I did, there just comes a time where you think fuck it. Hope this helps.

[Jay]

Firstly I don't think anyone assumed you had a "rapid weightloss"

I was referring to people in the real world. People that you do not know.

I'm sorry in the grand scale of things 5 years is a relatively short period of time out of your life, Christ I've completed my degree in that time.

How can you compare your life completing a degree to my 5 year of life? You had no idea what I had to go through every day within 5 years. Just because we come from the same obese background, it doesn't mean you know how another former obese lad feels.

Secondly I think you are still in a mindset of what I call "the fatty mindset", although you are writing I'm not a victim and I am stronger you don't need to keep clarifying this, you don't need to explain your self to anyone I just think its a bit much.

Did you have you to go through multiple surgeries and had to remove your nipples? I had to go back and forth for years to a hospital with tubes all over my body again and again. Every admittance to a hospital reset my strength and confidence.

If your surgeon tells you that you have to remove your nipples, how would you react?

It's easy to say and to simplify things through words because you are not in my position.

C'mon mate, do you remember your own thread about wanting to be perfect? That was a fatty mindset too. I thought yours was a bit much but I didn't dare to step into it much because I don't know how you felt as we are two different people.

I'm sorry but when I lost about 5 stone I didn't run around thinking "oh I'm gonna have stretch marks". I thought of all the positive aspects, like being able to go out and buy shit expensive clothes. Just enjoy yourself man! :-) There might be times where I do doubt myself like wearing some shorts at the swimming pool, but then my friends remind me that I look shit hot. I just find it quite curious that you have the same mentality I did all those years ago, although I got out of it relatively quick as I was more concerned with which ted baker or Armani t shirt I was going to buy next.

I find the bold part to be quite insulting. I'm glad that you managed to see the light relatively quick but please remember that we are two different individuals.

Anyway of course I think of the positive aspects. I wasn't thinking of stretch marks until I have completed my weight loss. Whilst I am not striving to be perfect, I would like to give my best in appearance. Hence why I was bothered by my stretch marks. But as I've said in my previous post, I no longer worry about my stretch marks.

Also mate there is nothing from stopping you from dating, just do it and don't isolate yourself, I never thought aid meet guys for a quick shag online but I did, there just comes a time where you think fuck it. Hope this helps.

I plan too. Hence why I'm in the process of getting to know few guys right now. But I'm not planning to rush into a relationship. I have to build my confidence in dating slowly as I have zero experience in relationship. Another thing is I got screwed by few guys last year, so go figure why I decided to be extra cautious this time around.

[mrk2010]

Firstly Jay, I did not claim to know how you feel nor did I claim to, all I had to go off was what you originally posted and it was the way it came across and secondly there is no need to have an attitude. And secondly if I was being insulting you would certainly know about it. As for me having a "fatty mindset", my previous thread entitled "life make over" was to do with changing my hair, having my teeth fixed and removing the negative people from my life, not once did I say I'm going to lose weight, and if you had read my post above correctly I said there may be times when I doubt myself And as for comparing 5 years of a degree, it was the time span I was talking about. To be quite honest you di t know what I've been through the past 5 years, but you know what shit happens, shit happens to everyone and its how you get over it which defines who you are. As for the surgery thing don't even go there and give me all the bollocks, because I had to have extensive dental surgery to correct my teeth and that is something which took years to correct. Atleast with your "condition" you could atleast cover it up, but your mouth and your teeth is something you can't hide from anyone. I'm not going into comparing and saying which is worse because I'm not like that. Most of the hardships I have endured during my life have not been self inflicted and I have destroyed each and every one of them, so maybe I am not as sympathetic because I have seen it, done it and bought the t shirt and not simplifying things through words.

From my experiences I have grown and I dint really give a shit because I've seen it all and I can afford to be a bit shallow and actually enjoy myself.

[avidcyclistMTB]

I too have been missing these posts. Jay, you are an inspiration. I'm facing another spine surgery and it pales in comparison to what you have achieved and been through. Thanks for the perspective and stay strong.

[dfiant]

Jay, everyone has their good days, and everyone has their bad days, it's normal and a basic human right. People often make the mistake of striving for 'perfect' and get down when they realise that perfect is unacheivable, but you can acheive what is 'perfect' for you.

Jay, you have been remarkably positive through out this whole process. You had some terrible news as part of your last round of surgery about your nipples, you can't bounce back from that in a day or 2, there is a grieing process and you are going through that right now. You are allowed to feel sorry for yourself mate, you have endured 2 surgeries that I would imagine are incredibly uncomfortable (Even though you bravely declare no morphine), and the thought of 2 more rounds of similar surgery over the next year would leave superman feeling sorry for himself.

Allow yourself to go through the process.

At the moment you don't seem to be the calm Jay we have come to know, and that's ok, you have a lot of pressure on you right now and you are dealing with it really well.

I'm not saying this to be mean, I am saying this because I think you have more questions than answers and you need answers, so perhaps you could organise a counselling session or 2 with a professional and try to get those answers for yourself

Love ya and proud of ya