helpmeplzzzzz Wrote:thanks for the advice guys, yes thats the problem
the shame and guilt after i finish up with porn or with another guy (mainly porn, because i always back out on acting with a guy because i know the guilt in my head that follows)
Its like im instantly repulsed 1second after i finish.
And Although I do find girls attractive, and want that strait lifestyle i feel no emotional connection with a female :\
and with girls i never think about things like STD's,
but anytime i could hook up with a guy, or mess around i back out
cause i always think what if i catch a disease or something, and then decide not to be gay anymore, and live a strait life.
i guess my brain is just flooded with questions, and I dont have the money, or guts to go to a counselor ,
i guess thats why im asking here tho :\
So i can tell the 100% truth and not be judged in real life
You can't just decide to be gay, straight, bi, whatever - you are what you are.
Sure many a gay male has attempted to live the straight life, get married, have kids - until around age 40 when suddenly they look back at the past 20 years of their life and desperately want 'do overs' so they end up being one of those 'straight men' seeking discreet hook-ups to attempt to scratch a deeper need.
Unfortunately for them (and you) they only have half the equation - sex is only part of being gay, there is a lot more to it, emotional connection, desire to pair off, companionship... These are not found in just sex.
No matter what you do in life someone, somewhere will judge you. Get used to that. Also, no matter who or what you do, someone, somewhere will hate you. This is all part of living.
I assure you that if you choose to remain in the closet and pursue a straight lifestyle while being gay/bi you will be unhappy, your wife wil be unhappy and it will not end well. I also predict that around/at age 40 you will suddenly start looking for boys to play with (have sex with) trying to recapture your lost gay youth and you will most likely become that creepy old man that 20 something year olds are always talking about.
Don't be that man.
Be honest to yourself about your needs - those needs won't go away.
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Do you really want to live a lie, subject a woman and children to that lie?
I think that is so very cruel on all fronts.
As for you being disgusted with your attraction / sexual contact with a guy , it sounds to me that you have not accepted your own sexuality as yet.
Being gay is not a choice , you either are or are not , and there is nothing wrong with that.
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you want to follow what u have been brought up with basically = mum dad and chilldren , nothing wrong with that mate - the things is your struggling with your sexuality ,, either bi or gay ? , not saying your pre programmed or anything but if all around u are alll straight people ie friends, reletives, peers, family, then ur gonna struggle with all those feelings - is there anyone at all u could talk with ? just saying it out loud can make a huge difference mate
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To put it all in perspective, I don't believe their is one single gay or lesbian that doesn't have paternal/maternal instincts and the absolute desire for a family.
Laws are changing to allow that, so in reality the only thing holding you back is your way of thinking.
Being gay is not a choice, how you deal with your sexuality is YOUR choice. Deny it and go in pursuit of happiness in a straight relationship is going to destroy you as you wake up every single day with your wife and kids and convince yourself that you are happy for the rest of your life or until your life crumbles apart <---that would only be a matter of time.
Stop trying to choose your sexuality, you are wasting your time and your effort and effectively destroying your life as well as your mental health.
Learn to accept who you are and what you are, learn to embrace what is destined for you, learn to be your own person, see that for every gay man that is miserable and in denial that their are thousands of other gay man that are delighted with their life and their destiny.
I wouldn't have my life any other way. I wouldn't change a thing in my life.
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Wow. I don't know where to start.
First, I think you need to eprogram your brain from thinking that gay is bad.
Also, I think that at twenty it's too early to decide what you want in your life.
When I was tenty I wanted more money to buy drugs, and find my ex and get him back.
If you are stuck into thinking gay is bad, how do you know that wanting a family with a female with kids is your own idea of happiness?
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Everyone's trying to help you darling. Its ok to be gay ok. Tell yourself reinforcing things. You can do this I'm telling you if you just put your mind to it  I love you just as you are, not what you might lie to be. You might be a stranger, but I'd be disappointed in you if you chose to live a lie as many other men do. Some do eventually realize how wrong it was to live said lie and other's dont.
A personal story:
I met a 56 year old man in a chat room. Hes been married about 34 years I believe is what he said, but you know why he got married; he was "repulsed" by gay or the the thought of it. Years later, his own son turned out to be gay and ya know what the man did? He kicked his child out into the streets. Only a year later did he realize how badly he had fucked up but the damage had been done. Apparently, seeing his son with his partner a few years later helped him discover who he truly was, but he decided to stayed married because he said pretty well he was scared of the gay community and its attitude towards old men. Its kinda sad, but he told me hes proud to see young men living their lives and being who they are. His son came out to him when he was 40 I believe and his son was 18 or something, but still, apparantly, he's never told his wife or his son. He said the damage would just kill him but he hopes that no one ever makes his mistake again. I honestly cried that night because that man lived a lie his entire life and still chose to do so out of fear :/ He said hes come along ways thanks to his son, but still, apparantly his wife didn't care, but he was so adamant on kicking his son out :/
I hope you take something away from that :/
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If i may give a piece of advice. I am new around these parts myself. Well long story short I felt similair way as you do. Except I didnt feel repulsed by my gay feelings and tendencies but very very shamed.
Well I turned 19 met a 29 year old woman who liked me and started to date her thinking that maybe I could get rid of these gay feelings. Well we split rather badly back in February of this year so roughly 2.5 years. By the end of it we were both misserable. I hated the fact that I was physicaly repulsed by her sexual parts. I also felt shame at the fact that the only way i could perform was by focusing hard as I can on gay fantasies.
While I thought we had something it ended up bieng a case of both of us killing each other. We wasted 2.5 years of our lives in a realtionship that was mainly created as me trying to force myself to change. The biggest thing I can say toy ou hun is that by doing what I did you cheat that woman out of that time to find someone who can be with her emotionaly and physicaly That is by far the worst thing you can do to a person as at that point they are just an attempt to change yourself. After we broke up I found that I was happy with who I am.
So please think about this carefully and look into yourself. Do you want to put yourself and someone else through that kind of a life similair to the one i lived for a while? Luckily ive made my ex into a lose friend and we are on good terms but I will always regret putting her through that.
(foot note) Sorry if im a bit all over the place not the best at articulating personal thoughts especialy since ive never really mentioned this bit before if someone wants to try and condense what I said please do so if its truly too unorganized.
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thankyou all for your advice!
Did any of u feel like this?
Its not society that repulses me (well it is some), its the actual mans body, I feel sick after i mess around with someone, like i cant believe that i even touched another guy, it made me feel sick to my stomach, not cause society, because it was a guys private area, but of course... a hour goes by, and im already thinking sexual thoughts again!
I feel like even if idid get into a relationship with a guy that he would be upset that i act so weird rite after we mess around cause it feels awkard, and i feel grossed out, i mean i can try to hide those feelings if i should, but i dont know!
i feel like if i pick male or female for my life partner im still gonna be unhappy and so are they :\
And there is literally not 1 gay person i know in the whole entire world.
my town population is 4000
everybody knows everybody, i dont have the financial means to get away and find new people
im kinda stuck.
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Honestly you're gonna have to wire your brain because Ive heard the same thing from a lot of people. Its not that hard youve just got to tell yourself its what you like and its beautiful. Its gonna take time though and well time is the answer to most solutions sadly. Youre gonna have to figure out what you want to do with your life and this side to it cause its pretty major. What happens if your wife catches you while jerking to gay porn? Are you sure this feeling isn't guilt? You don't feel guilty for looking at it?
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if i could wire my brain id wire my self ungay....
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