(ETA: I found a much HQ vid and replaced it...you can see it at 1080 if you wish )
I have an enigmatic and ambivalent view of love and sexuality, and this video represents that for me, making me feel like I'm connecting with others who can understand the conflicts and paradoxes of resolving (and living) that part of our nature. I personally sensed many metaphors in both the lyrics AND the video itself, making this more a performance piece about the human condition and our erotic natures than simple entertainment. As for the guy with the mask, I see that as her own carnal impulses that make her do things that she wishes she wouldn't, and the guy is faceless because one, it can be ANY guy (perhaps make that MANY guys...), and two, because it's not about the guys, it's about her instincts making her lose her self-control. And she mixes with a crowd that is also losing their own self-control, and that can be pretty scary. In short, she's not going out with "Jason" (as one commented about it a few years ago) but rather he's a symbol of her inner reality that affects her life and what she does, even when she knows what she's doing is a very bad, or at least inadvisable, course of action.
There's also a dreamlike quality to the music and the video that I find intriguing and erotic (though keeping in mind I see the primary male figure as symbolic of her own erotic nature that overwhelms her rather than a man "forcibly seducing" her, me not being a fan of "forcible seduction"), if also very creepy. And I'm thinking she also alluded to bisexuality given how more than one woman caresses her, which was probably risky if not outright radical in the 80s.
And it reminds me of the number of women (and even a couple of men) who told me about being overwhelmed by their lusts only to feel regret and even shame & disgust after.
I know, I'm feeling random, but it's about others who struggle with their sexuality. And if that's too dark or disturbing then there's this (very popular in the US about 10 years ago):
(ETA: I found a much HQ vid and replaced it...you can see it at 720 if you wish )
First, I want to say how sorry I am for you. I don't mean that in a negative light. I can't imagine what you must be going through, but it sounds extremely painful.
Like everyone has been saying, being gay isn't an unnatural thing. If you research it, you will actually find that homosexuality is extremely prevalent within the animal kingdom. You might find the wikipedia article on homosexuality to be interesting, though in short it says homosexuality is found in over 500 different animal species. Now, if you believe in the common fact that animals don't have sentience (AKA thought that involves morals or anything outside the need to survive,) this means that they don't choose their sexual activity. It just IS.
Now... as to the thoughts of being repulsed by a man...
I think this is a psychological barrier your brain has set up from, like others have said, issues that have been inflicted on you. From what I understand from your posts, you believe that having sex with a man is bad because you yourself are a man. You relate to having sex/being with a woman as being 'all right' because you find it 'normal.' This is something called conditioning. It happens when, in an environment, you've been made and/or tailored to believe in a certain something because external sources tell you that it's 'right.'
I won't go into a long and lengthy post (unless you really want me to, in which case I'll try to offer as much advice as I can,) but I do want to add one more thing before I end my post:
You CAN have a happy, successful family as a gay man, WITH another gay man. You can have children, HAPPINESS, A LIFE. Sure -- it's not technically legal for you to adopt in certain states, but there's options. You could move to a state that it is legal, provided you have the means. Or you could have a surrogate have your child through artificial insemination. You CAN be happy. Don't think that just because you're gay or attracted to men means your life will automatically be bad.
Also -- any guy who is right for you and LOVES you for who you are as a person would be more than willing to help you with your problems. Don't impose a barrier on yourself just because you believe someone else will reject you. I know that's hard, but you can get through it.
In the end, you ARE normal. KNOW that you are normal. YOU are BEAUTIFUL. You are YOUR OWN person. You DO NOT have to go by what society deems as right. You can be YOURSELF. You can be WHOEVER YOU WANT TO BE. And most of all, you can be HAPPY.
If you have the ability to, I would contact The Trevor Project. They have volunteers who will be able to point you to resources that can help you. Google them. They're just a click away.
Please -- I encourage you to keep posting here. We're here to help you. We don't judge. We've all been through similar issues. Just know that we love you for who you are.
I ha exactly the same feelings always the shame and guilt. Take time with yourself i would say learn your sexuality but do what makes you happy not others. I can associate with many comments on this and can say i have started to relax after 44 years now i have at least admitted to myself that i am gay.
victus Wrote:I ha exactly the same feelings always the shame and guilt. Take time with yourself i would say learn your sexuality but do what makes you happy not others. I can associate with many comments on this and can say i have started to relax after 44 years now i have at least admitted to myself that i am gay.
hi there , you say you've admitted that you are gay. but how come you are still in a straight relationship?
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, you say you've admitted that you are gay. but how come you are still in a straight relationship?
