broken heart

[lost537]

I posted a thread some weeks ago about my boyfriend not trusting me. The long and short of it is that we ended up splitting. It did not end well as we both put no contact orders against one another and ultimately had them both dismissed. We haven't spoke to each other in almost a month except for the fact that he sent me a text to wish me a happy fathers day. I broke down and cried for an hour.

He was my first relationship with a man. We were together for 8 months. So much of the relationship was not good, he wouldnt trust me, he accused me of things I would never do, and he was completely controlling. But I am constantly sick to my stomach with missing him. I have read alot on here about 1st time relationships and moving on. I have tried to take steps to help myself by reading the 4 agreements, and I keep telling myself this is probably for the best. I have also schedule time with a counselor tomorrow to help me talk through my feelings. Hopefully those are all the right steps.

I don't know if I am just venting or if I am asking advice from you all. I just wish I could get over breaking down and crying everyday. There were so many things about the relationship that where right, especially for my first real gay relationship. I think about him everyday and just cant seem to stop. I am 51 feeling like I am going on 13!!!!

[zeon]

Hello,
By the sounds of it you are pining for him and this is completely natural... I know i have split up from my boyfriend of 6 1/2 years in february this year and it is difficult adapting to life especially when they have met someone else and your on your lonesome self... I would maybe suggest lifting this no contact ban and send him a message and tell him firstly how your feeling and explain i know we didnt have a lot of things right but if we believe in this relationship we can work it out... If a relationship[ didnt have the argumments then in my eyes its not a proper relationship... Whatever your doing now stop grab that phone and text him asking for him to meet you in town for dinner and explain that you wish to talk as you have missed him loads inside and want to give things a proper go without the dramas and want to talk and in heated moments voices wont get raised your talk to him like a normal talking toned person would as shouting gets no where... Explain to him that trust is something that must be given and granted in any relationship and until prooven guilty of any accusation you remain completely innocent and committed to him...

I am not going to say get over it because where it is affecting you this bad you are still madly in love with him and no rushing back together either take things one thing at a time and work together as a team to rebuild the happiness you had and agree that whategver differences occur you will BOTH (not one BOTHa) sit down and assess the situation together as a couple without arguements...

Big hugz mister

Aunty ZXeon xx

[lost537]

Thanks, I lifted my ban against him immediately. He let his go to court and didn't show so it was dismissed. However it cost me $7,000 to get a defense attorney because his charges against me would prevent me from getting a passport which I need for my work. Technically I can contact him but I am so afraid he would get mad and anything I might say and re-institute the no contact. It really sucks because I know I love him more than anyone I have ever had in my life and I cant be with him.

[pellaz]

... I am 51 feeling like I am going on 13 ...

Know the feeling personally. I broke up with my current partner after being with him for about a year. Looking back there was a lot going on in my life. We were separated 6+mo and I dated 3 other boys during that time, one was nice. I looked the old boo up after my divorce (straight) became final and we started Phase2. We both worked incredibly hard at the relationship.

I can only speak for myself; I have been through a LOT last few years. Have picked up some emotional maturity along the way but prior i dont think i would be able to organize my feelings for my better.

Even after we got back together, Phase2, things were not quite functional.
-he punched me in the face and loosened a few teeth. I thought he was brave. I am truly faster stronger and almost dangerous. A week after we talked again and I told him physical violence is totally un acceptable and he cried. I let it go.

Take care of your emotions. When your able to stand on your own start dating. In about 6-9mo call him and get some closure or start Phase2 if you like.

When I started dating again; where ever I went I saw the same issues. Was it me, probably not all the time, all the better if it was tho because I chose in Phase2 to respond different and the partner did too.

-both of you have to want the relationship
-communication is a tool
-respect/ trust

best of luck

[TomStatic]

ah now here
8 months is not that long to be proper in love
you will get over em
give it time and try party as much possible and u will be grandddd sure

[Rainbowmum]

I am so sorry it ended on such a bad note.
It will take some time , to discover yourself again and be comfortable with your own company.
Eight months is a long time in self growth.

It's fair to say ,you are no longer the same person you were before this relationship, you have grown together as a couple .
Now it's time for you to find yourself again , so you are not reliant on another for company and happiness.

There is no magic switch you can flip to turn off your feelings for him.
Give it time.

[fenris]

Maybeit sounds a bit strange.... but the time after a relationship is a good time to learn a lot about yourself and your wishes and this is very important : wait till your right partner comes by... many people in this situation choose the first guy only for the reason that they are not longer alone... and thats the complete wrong reason.

[Nick9]

I am so sorry it ended on such a bad note.
It will take some time , to discover yourself again and be comfortable with your own company.
Eight months is a long time in self growth.

It's fair to say ,you are no longer the same person you were before this relationship, you have grown together as a couple .
Now it's time for you to find yourself again , so you are not reliant on another for company and happiness.

There is no magic switch you can flip to turn off your feelings for him.
Give it time.

Nicely said